A gift in this year: Meghan.

Oh, I love this girl. And have learned so much from her,

and been so blessed by her friendship in my life.

So grateful for her incredible hospitality. I have literally never met anyone with as generously giving a spirit as Meghan. She structures her life around being able to care for others- through meals (and OH what meals!!), a space to sleep (thanks!!), parties ("I can't wait for Luke to propose to Christine... so I can throw them an ENGAGEMENT PARTY!"), or a listening ear... and does it with the most genuine and cheerful heart I have ever seen. Knowing her has literally convicted my heart and changed the way I try to prioritize serving others.

So grateful for her thoughtfulness. Meghan's words of encouragement are often some of the most comforting ones to my own heart and I'm sure others', because they are given with much prayer and thought. She can speak God's love to my insecurities or sadness, and call out areas of strength. So grateful for how much she prioritizes thinking of others' feelings- in group situations she is always aware of how others may be feeling and how she can make them comfortable and cared for.

Story: At her WEDDING, she brought out a birthday cake for one of her bridesmaids and had the whole group sing happy birthday; she also READ a poem (which she had written herself that week) to her parents to celebrate their upcoming anniversary.  At. Her. Own. WEDDING.

So grateful for her gifts. I love her intelligence, her love for her husband, her flexibility, her heart to pray through what God has for her and Josh this year, her willingness to stretch herself, her love for Rez, her patience with others, her deep thoughts and insights, her goofy sense of humor.

And her incredible ability to cook and bake OMG. As in, make-your-own-ice-cream-sandwiches-and-cheesecake bake.

So grateful for her friendship. Their apartment was one of my favorite and safest places to be over the past year. And our frequent runs, conversations, dinners, girls' nights, texting, and getting to know her heart and share mine were SUCH sources of joy.

Thanking God for giving me Meg this year.

.22.

A gift in this year: Running.

I love running.

So much.

With friends, or alone.

I love the rhythm of my feet hitting the ground.

I love how connected I feel with my body- how aware of it and grateful for it I am, as I feel my heart beating, as I intentionally take each breath, as I am aware of my muscles and my contact with the ground beneath me.

I love the beauty of the scenes I usually run- along the prairie path, or past families in houses.

I love how it makes me feel more connected with where I live- running these streets, paths, and neighborhoods has helped me inhabit Wheaton this year.

I love the alone time with God, I love being in nature, I love clearing my head.

Running was a huge, joyful part of my year.

The prairie path on an after-work run a couple weeks ago.

"...When I ran, when I walked, there was no time: there was only my body, my breath, the trees and hills and sky... I always felt grateful, but I did not know it was gratitude and so I never thanked God. Eight years ago, on a starlight night in July, a car hit me... and in September a surgeon cut off my left leg...
It is now time to sing of my gratitude: for legs and hills and trees and seasons... I mourn this, and I sing in gratitude for loving this, and in gratitude for all the roads I ran on and walked on, for the hills I climbed and descended, for trees and grass and sky, and for being spared losing running and walking sooner than I did: ten years sooner, or eight seasons, or three; or one day.”
 
-Andre Dubus, Meditations from a Movable Chair (HT)

Thanking God for giving me the ability to run this year.

.23.

A gift in this year: "The Improv Apartment"

So funny thing. All through college, my BFF Tamara did Improv, and she had lots of close friends from it who she talked about all the time. And I knew some of them, and thought they were great. But they were... you know... Tamara's Improv friends. I didn't ever hang out with them really or anything.

But, post-grad life shakes out as it will. They ended up living in Wheaton this year, I ended up living in Wheaton this year. Tamara and Steve moved into the city and we all collectively missed them. So we ended up hanging out. A lot.

And I LOVE THEM. It has been such a fun group of people and amazing source of community this year.

They were super supportive of humoring me and my need to have Seasonal Activities and even acted excited about them :-)- and were always the first group to want to plan one and participate whole-heartedly.

We went apple-picking:

 

 

And carved pumpkins:

(yes, and the story is true- after this afternoon my dad and stepmom commented on Tim and Marty being a "cute couple". They would like the world to be aware that they are not, in fact, a couple.)

AND THEY EVEN BUNDLED UP IN FREEZING FREEZING WEATHER AND WENT CAROLING WHICH MADE ME SO HAPPY I THOUGHT I MIGHT EXPLODE INTO A MILLION PIECES OF SEASONAL HAPPINESS:

(And nice people gave us cookies and requested songs. It was so wonderful.)

And they had people over to bake Christmas cookies!

There is always something fun going on in their apartment. Like when we have an hours-long insane Blizzard Party. Or zillion-people movie nights. Or are really excited when our friends get engaged!:

And they are the best people ever for chocolate-fondue-and-board-game nights:

And we went bowling a lot!!! And I TOOK PICTURES OF IT last time but they're on my lost camera. :-(.

And I enjoyed laughing at them I MEAN SYMPATHIZING as they struggled through several months in a pastel-colored, toxically-mold-infested house (true story... well, we think), before moving into their awesome apartment (DOWN THE STREET FROM ME!).

This group was such a source of fun. Sometimes after college you need just a bunch of fun people who want to do fun things and will all be hanging out together. SO grateful for their senses of humor, their energy, their insane inclusiveness (I am constantly hanging at their apartment and bumping into someone who I didn't even know knew them- "Oh, you're friends with these peeps too?" "Obvs."), and their artsiness by which I now have better musical taste and have even been introduced to a few video games :-).

But maybe coolest of all (I mean... it's a tie between this and the Christmas caroling),

they became real, deep friends. I'm grateful for Josh as a spiritual example and a prayer warrior in my life. I'm grateful for so-encouraging conversations with Marty and Steve, and walks, and reading, and eating soup together. I'm grateful for Tim's patient listening and Tim-ness through guy drama :-). I'm grateful that when my 10-year-old stepbrother came to visit they offered to take him to an arcade (who does that?! Awesome friends.)

I love you guys and admire you and I will miss you next year.

Thanking God for giving me the Improv people this year.

(sorry... I don't know how else to refer to y'all collectively. You know who I mean.)

.24.

A gift in this year: Lots Of Spanish.

Hearing, speaking, and interacting in Spanish brings me so much joy. And this year was unexpectedly FULL of Spanish.

A sad thing for me about leaving Bolivia was that I felt like I was leaving right at the point where I started to feel really comfortable in Spanish (please note I didn't say good). I had worked so hard for all those months to get to that point and then- I was leaving! I didn't know if I'd ever have the chance to use it intensively again.

And then my job fell in my lap. A series of random connections and a quick interview, and to my surprise, I found myself hired as a home visitor for immigrant families- 9/10 Spanish-speaking.

Then, I got plugged in at Iglesia. I've gotten to attend a weekly church service all in Spanish, teach and mentor kids who speak Spanish at home, get to know and love Mexican families.

I'm so thankful that instead of losing my Spanish skills, this year I had the unexpected opportunity to improve them.

I'm so thankful that I got to use something from Bolivia for good this year. Speaking Spanish helped me feel more connected to my community there. And using a skill I'd gained from HNGR to help people was incredibly healing.

I get so much joy from spending time in Mexican-majority neighborhoods, chatting with Spanish-speaking families in stores or at the library, and being able to form close relationships with people who I would never be able to know without Spanish.

Thanking God for giving me the opportunity to use Spanish this year.

.25.

A gift in this year: Children.

This is a pretty good image of how I spent most of my year:
with my arms full of babies.

(As in, I cashed in a groupon on a massage recently- the masseuse told me it was evident I worked with kids. "Your back is twisted in the way we always see with someone who has a baby on their hip all day..."-
I was so proud.)

My life was FILLED with children this year;
so, oh, was it filled with joy. 

It is joy to see God's design in how they develop.

It is joy to watch their growing exploration of the world around them ("Bubbles! Colors! Blocks! A bird! Look!").

It is joy to be the recipient of their gleeful affection.

It is joy to see their innocent, un-self-conscious personalities expressed.

It is joy to hear their questions of faith.

It is joy to see the purest human love between parents and their babies.

 It is joy to deep-down know just how valuable a life is, even when they have yet to "contribute" anything to society.

It is joy to delight in their beauty and uniqueness.

It is joy to pray over their lives.

I loved going to Rez- a church that number one, has tons of small children, and number two, values them.  Kids are welcomed and encouraged to come to virtually anything. I love seeing them come down the aisle with their parents; I love serving them the Eucharist; I love seeing them dance in the aisles during worship. I love the hugs I get from the kids in the families I know. I love that a good friend's four-year-old was scared to take Communion so they had her come to me for her first time. I love seeing them fall asleep on their parents' shoulders during the service. I love that we hear of God as Father with these examples of it surrounding us. I love that they are growing up feeling safe and accepted in an atmosphere of faith.

I loved teaching the elementary-schoolers at Iglesia every week. I love that Steven, Kym, and I took the kids to see a children's play at the college and they still talk about it months later. I love taking them out for hot chocolate after class and that they call it "going on an adventure" ("Are we going an an adventure to Starbucks tonight?!!"). I love that the moms will call me if they need a babysitter. I love that I joke with them that "God wouldn't recognize me taking Communion without a baby in my arms!" (joke- bad theology- He does!)- because most Saturday nights, I reach for the wafer while juggling at least one toddler in my arms and another clinging to the hem of my shirt.

I loved being immersed in Michael and Lisa's family. I love their babies (ages 5, 3, and 10 months). I love babysitting them, I love playing at the park, I love that I met M. the day after she was born, I love watching Michael and Lisa be parents, I love being Tia Emily.

 

And finally, obviously, there was my job.
All year I had eleven babies assigned to me. I got to read to them, I got to chart and watch their development, I got to cuddle and do crafts, I got to plan activities that were particular to their needs and strengths and preferences, I got to observe and encourage and fill with joy at their relationships with their beautiful parents. I got to fall in love with them and see them grow over a whole year.

 (And it's so sad I'm totally not allowed to post pictures of them, because they are the.cutest.babies.ever. Seriously. Be sad you can't see them.)

"How can there be too many children?
It's like saying there are too many flowers."

-Mother Teresa

Thanking God for giving me children in this year.

.26.

.i was made for sunny days and i was made for you.

"With each gift I accept and give thanks for,

I let go of my own will and accept His."

-Ann Voskamp,
One Thousand Gifts

This year... 

I did not know what to think going into it.

All I knew when I was planning it was that I needed to be here,
so I arranged to stay.

But that's like, legit about all I knew.

I vividly remember sitting on my couch with Matt last summer, a few weeks before he moved to DC.

He was trying to encourage me about my upcoming year, but didn't really know what to say.

Almost all of my close friends had already left the area or were about to.

My job was still an unknown.

My faith was still deeply shaken.

"I don't know what this year is going to look like for you..." he paused...

"It might be really hard." Pause.
"Like... really... really hard." (Thanks Matt.)

"But... I'm sure it's going to be good." Pause. "...Really!" Encouraging smile and nod!

This year was amazing.

I would not have changed a single thing.

As I've started wrapping up my "Wheaton year", I've been reflecting on the gifts it held- many of them surprising.

I don't know what I expected this year to look like,

but so many of the unique joys in it, I could never even have imagined.

There were lots of times when I was absolutely, dizzily overwhelmed with how completely filled with love and goodness and joy this life of mine is.

There were other times when I had to bite my lip and take a deep... deep... breath, and it took more strength than I thought I had to intentionally turn my gaze to what I could give thanks for. I failed at that a lot. Sometimes it took a lot of chocola- I mean, prayer. Sometimes I did it through tears.

The best moments of this year, for sure,

happened when I pictured having open hands.

Open hands to receive what this year was.

Not what it wasn't.

Not what I wished it was.

Even open hands with the parts I loved... to receive them with joy, not entitlement.

Dear Wheaton life, I have 27 days left in you.

I am trying to spend them reflecting on the gifts this year held. One way I'm doing that is counting them down on this blog. It will not by any means be a complete list.

But it is good to name some of the myriad of areas where I have been blessed beyond what I've deserved, expected, or could have asked for.

dragon school.

One of my (English-speaking) three-year-olds: "But why aren't you coming back anymore?"

Me: "Because I'm moving to another state, buddy. I'm starting graduate school."

His eyes got super big and he stared at me...

"That's SO SCARY!"

I'm thinking, whoa, this three-year-old gets my soul! It IS so scary!

He shook his head, looking sober, and turned back to his block tower.

"That is WAY too scary. I am NOT going to Dragon School."

Hm. Clinical Psych doesn't sound quite as terrifying in comparison to whatever Dragon School would consist of, come to think of it :-).

.with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

Life this week.

A mom is exasperated that her three- and two-year-old are being disobedient: "They KNOW they're not supposed to run! I tell them no running in the house, but they keep disobeying me! I tell them that you're going to come up to the door in just a minute, but they insist on running to the car as soon as they see you pull up!". I try to look exasperated at their disobedience, too...

I send my mother a picture text of my legs, bare from my knees to my flip-flops: "I'm wearing the short-er corduroy skirt we got at Old Navy. Are you proud of me?". Her response: "Always." That is my mother. Sappily, unconditionally glad she is my mom. And consistently pleading with me to show more skin. (Sorry to disappoint, Mama.)

Long, deep, so encouraging g-chat with Sarah while listening to my Ingrid Michaelson station on Pandora.

6:30 breakfast with Chet at Egglectic; staying in the sun-filled booth with my coffee mug and Bible after he leaves before I have to head to work.

Bursting into laughter so hard I almost choke at this text from my sister: "Just realized I wrote my application essay about winning a chicken nugget eating contest... when the organization's focus is hunger."

Spying this crazy balcony covered in flower pots.

 

Copying the words in my journal, tracing them over and over with my pen until they are dark and bold and soaking into my soul:  "...to give knowledge of salvation to His people in the forgiveness of their sins, because of the tender mercy of our God". Tender mercy, thanks be to God.

What happens when the tornado warning goes off during dinner with Ryan and Kendra:

 

Everyone else decided it was fine to go out by quarter to nine, but to be safe, we stayed and watched our movie on a laptop in the bathtub until almost 10. You think I'm kidding.

Lisa's children. Who so make up for the sleep I lose (at least one of them is in my bed by 6 every morning I sleep there) by the joy they give.

Laughter-filled meals out with my small group.

I text Tamara, "Do you guys want to do dinner or dessert on Saturday night?". I get back two replies: "Wish we could, we have plans! Different night?", and, "I told Tamara to tell you no, but YES! Let's just make it a surprise!". So we met for dessert... just as suggested :-). SURPRISE!

Kris Delmhorst's "Moscow Song".

Pausing in a parking lot to stare at the summer sky.