.i was made for sunny days and i was made for you.

"With each gift I accept and give thanks for,

I let go of my own will and accept His."

-Ann Voskamp,
One Thousand Gifts

This year... 

I did not know what to think going into it.

All I knew when I was planning it was that I needed to be here,
so I arranged to stay.

But that's like, legit about all I knew.

I vividly remember sitting on my couch with Matt last summer, a few weeks before he moved to DC.

He was trying to encourage me about my upcoming year, but didn't really know what to say.

Almost all of my close friends had already left the area or were about to.

My job was still an unknown.

My faith was still deeply shaken.

"I don't know what this year is going to look like for you..." he paused...

"It might be really hard." Pause.
"Like... really... really hard." (Thanks Matt.)

"But... I'm sure it's going to be good." Pause. "...Really!" Encouraging smile and nod!

This year was amazing.

I would not have changed a single thing.

As I've started wrapping up my "Wheaton year", I've been reflecting on the gifts it held- many of them surprising.

I don't know what I expected this year to look like,

but so many of the unique joys in it, I could never even have imagined.

There were lots of times when I was absolutely, dizzily overwhelmed with how completely filled with love and goodness and joy this life of mine is.

There were other times when I had to bite my lip and take a deep... deep... breath, and it took more strength than I thought I had to intentionally turn my gaze to what I could give thanks for. I failed at that a lot. Sometimes it took a lot of chocola- I mean, prayer. Sometimes I did it through tears.

The best moments of this year, for sure,

happened when I pictured having open hands.

Open hands to receive what this year was.

Not what it wasn't.

Not what I wished it was.

Even open hands with the parts I loved... to receive them with joy, not entitlement.

Dear Wheaton life, I have 27 days left in you.

I am trying to spend them reflecting on the gifts this year held. One way I'm doing that is counting them down on this blog. It will not by any means be a complete list.

But it is good to name some of the myriad of areas where I have been blessed beyond what I've deserved, expected, or could have asked for.