happy birthday sarah.

I am so thankful for you, my sweet farmer girl,




Teacher of tea and prayer and poetry,






A million memories,

I love learning through how you work for justice.
I love how you choose life.
You have taught me so much about being.
You are so beautiful.




Thank you for wholeheartedly rejoicing in my joys, and for choosing to carry so many of my burdens.
Thank you for letting me in to your joys and your burdens.
I love learning through your love and joy and life.
I love living life with you.

May this year be filled with even more learning and love than the one before.

I loooooove you!!!!!!

prayer for the year.

I couldn't believe when I read this.
Way to put words to my crazy little heart, Thomas Merton-
well, at least where I want my heart to be.

"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following Your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that my desire to please You does in fact please You.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this You will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust You always
though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear,
for You are ever with me,
and You will never leave me to face my perils alone."

-Thomas Merton, from Thoughts in Solitude

.open and known.

Almighty God,

to You all hearts are open,
all desires known,
and from You no secrets are hid:

Cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of Your Holy Spirit,
that we may perfectly love You,
and worthily magnify Your Holy Name,
through Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Mercy.

My amazing friend and former housemate Emily and her family are in my prayers this weekend, as they hold and love on her beautiful niece, Mercy, who was born on Tuesday with encephalocele, and is expected to be in Heaven early next week.

I've never met Emily's sister (Mercy's mommy), but Emily and I did HNGR together and lived together senior year. She is one of my dearest and most encouraging friends, and her family are well-loved among our group of friends for their joyfulness, authenticity, and hospitality. I vividly remember her mom pulling me aside at church and praying over me and my family a few weeks after we got the news about Mom.

Please be praying for all of them, especially Mercy's parents Luke and Liesl.

You can read more of this awesome family and their strength and Hope here.

From Mercy's website:

"Father of Love: You come near to us in your love. Your love finds us needy and it does not flee, but satisfies our soul. Your love comes near to us on our terms in your Son. Your love comes near to us and transforms our existence in your Spirit. Your love comes near to us and allows us to abide in you freely and without fear. Cause us now, in the midst of trial, to be reminded of your love—to live and abide in your love, to live and abide in You. Cause us to trust in a wild and mysterious Father who is not defined by sadistic control of the universe, harsh displeasure with creation, nor indecision regarding human need—but a Father of Love who is for us and not against us.

Be for us this day and for your daughter Mercy..."

Megan, me, and Mercy's beautiful aunt, who is so precious to me.

what i learn.

Throughout college, almost every single prayer I heard Matt Hiltibran pray out loud started with, "God, we thank You that You are all good". He had never noticed this until I pointed it out. I know the exact inflection of how he would voice this phrase, and it was always filled with joy. I heard him pray this through times of deepest pain. Often still, when I don't know how to start praying, from habit if nothing else my voice or pen will start, "God, I thank You that You are all good...".


Mary and I prayed together on the phone a few nights ago, for a long time. She called Him Father, easily, over and over, through our time together. I hadn't realized how little I do that lately.

She painted Psalm 139 for me before I left for Bolivia. The words slant across the page, her pen and ink flying around the borders. A prayer through her friendship and her art. I find myself praying every time I look at it, instantly, in its words and images and love.


Slagg's theory is that an ideal ratio for friendship is two hours praying for someone for each hour you spend with them. He has taught me to pray deeper for other people more than almost anyone ever.

Often when this wise friend prays for me, even if I am with him, he prays silently. He prays for a long time, and when he's done, he will cock his head to one side and smile at me. I am used to people praying out loud when praying together, and this unnerved me; I asked him once, what did you pray? He grinned. Shook his head. "That's for me and Jesus." Months later I told him aching things God was teaching me, wounds that were being re-opened and healed deeper than they had been, love that was growing and pain I was getting more willing to embrace. He grinned wider. "That's what I prayed for."

I now value silent prayers over others more than spoken ones sometimes. The One who needs to hear them still does.


It takes a lot for me to let someone take care of me. I am never scared to call Mary Wolf and ask her to pray. I never feel stupid even if the prayer request seems small and if it reveals my neediness, my insecurities, my sin. She has never judged and she has never been too busy to pray. I sat at a table at Starbucks, alone, a week after my mother was diagnosed with cancer, feeling panic rise to where I wasn't sure how I would stay in my body. I called her at work. "I'm scared. Can you pray for me?" She did, on the phone, immediately, with no other explanation needed. "Thanks. I love you." We got off the phone. It lasted three minutes. I remember exactly where I was sitting, the feel of fighting the pressure in my chest, my hands digging into the phone. I remember biting my lip. I remember that after we hung up, I took a breath and went to class.


For the last year, almost every morning the first thing I hear is my phone buzzing to alert me to a text message. "Hi, Matty," I think. Matt Maloy prays for several of us lucky people almost every day. He texts me this almost every day: "I just prayed for you. Let God ____"- a wish, a Scripture verse, something I'd asked him to pray for. At first this was sweet. Then this scary year, it was a lifeline. Now I find myself willing to share prayer requests I would never have thought to even ask for prayer for before, because I know someone is committed to praying for them.


"How can we spiritually support you?", Christine and Heath asked. We had prayed together easily and often throughout our years of dorm life, apartment life. I got back from HNGR and I did not know how to pray, and I did not know how to pray with them. So that semester, twice a week, we would find our way to a couch in the reading room. We would lean our heads on each other's shoulders and compliment each other's outfits, we would laugh and talk about our weeks. Then we would open the Bible- to anything- and read it out loud. Sometimes for half an hour, sometimes for five minutes. We heard His word, which is living and active, and it fell on us together. This time was our prayer offered up; we held each other and He held us.


I hear the Mosoj Yan staff's voices when I think some realities and the theology I want cannot be held in the same cup. "Sí, Señor... sí, Señor". Their heads in their hands, their faces furrowed, their work amazing. Their faith strong.

prayer.

From an email I received today:

"...Lord, please grant Emily the ability to lean into You,
knowing that she can never push You over,
no matter how hard she leans..."


Cool.
Yes, please.

.hymn.

"if to distant lands I scatter,
if i sail to farthest seas
would You find and firm and gather
'til i only dwell in Thee?
if i flee from greenest pastures,
would You leave to look for me?
forfeit glory to come after
'til i only dwell in Thee?

if my heart has one ambition
if my soul one goal to seek
this my solitary vision,
that i only dwell in Thee."

-brooke fraser

snowy days in the life.

So, we had a BLIZZARD Tuesday night!!!

Here's how it went down for me.

So Tuesday I had plans to go into the city to hang with Tamara. There's this completely wonderful part of adult life called, "PTO". Which stands for- are you ready- PAID TIME OFF. You know what that means? Exactly what it freakin' sounds like. I got paid to go hang out with Tamara. I KNOW right?!

So, Tamara and I had decided we dearly needed some time off from our jobs to have a day in the middle of the week with absolutely no agenda... other than enjoying life and each other. We both took the day off; I took the train downtown, and we chilled. We went out to brunch at an adorable place in her neighborhood and sat and talked and laughed for hours. Then we went to Borders and found piles of books and bought coffee and sat and talked and laughed and read. It. Was. Wonderful.

THEN, we looked outside and it had (as predicted), started snowing significantly. So we cut the day off a bit short. I bought a novel I had been wanting to read and rushed to Ogilvie to get the train back. The train station was PACKED. It was insane.

And here are my blizzard days chronologically.

Tues, 4 pm: Arrive at Ogilvie, push my way onto 4:35 train. During this time chunk, my BFF from work Lisa calls and tells me that we are OFF tomorrow. (Side note, Lisa rocks and I LOVE her and her husband Michael. And their kids call me Tia (aunt in Spanish) Emily. They make me really happy and are complicating my desire to move across the country for grad school).

4:10: Train leaves early because it's already full of commuters trying to beat the storm.

4:10-5: I start The Help and devour the first fifth or so.

5 pm: I barely notice that the train has stopped at my station because I'm so immersed in the book, but I do notice and get off. I start walking towards my house (3 blocks from train station) and then remember there had been some texting about a hot chocolate snow party (yeah!!) so I stop by the improv boys' apartment (exactly between my house and the train station- so convenient!).

(I am now completely making up the times, I don't know how it all happened).

5-6 pm: I love that apartment. Hang out with all the fun people there. Make a sandwich. Eat cookie dough out of a tub (I KNOW, right?!).

6 pm: People put on a movie. I can't remember which one now? That's because...

6-8ish: I curl up in the corner of the couch and read 150 pages of The Help.

More people are arriving. We are drinking hot chocolate. Every once in awhile someone will look outside and shout about how much snow there is (at this point, maybe ten inches?). People are speculating on whether or not they'll have work tomorrow (but I already know I don't!). It is a Blizzard Party.

9 pm: They put on ZOMBIELAND! I remember this one.

9-10:30: I read another 100 pages of The Help. People start noticing and making comments. THIS BOOK IS AMAZING!!! I am immersed. But I look up occasionally to half interact with people (love yall) or watch a particularly gross Zombie-eating-people scene. Really, you don't need to watch this movie, is my recommendation...

Rest of the night: I fall asleep on the couch with about 50 pages left. Steve wakes me up around 12. Alyssa and Laura are planning on staying over and I am invited to. One guy had just left to walk to his apartment, which is 2 buildings away in the same complex, and texted that it took him 20 minutes and I should under no circumstances try to walk the two blocks home. But my bed has flannel sheets. So I borrow extra hats and scarves and gloves and brave the now good 18 inches of snow...

OK, this is officially the most middle school esque and boring blog entry I think I've written since my high school Xanga. But it was a really fun night, what can I say. (And I stayed up and finished the book!)

Next day: Ryan, Kendra and I made cinnamon rolls, shoveled our driveway (in LAYERS. Like an hour to knock off the first third of snow, then an hour to knock off the middle part...), read, I walked back over to the boys' for a bit, work got cancelled AGAIN, and I made freaking awesome black olive and white bean soup for dinner.

Basically, I love friends, movies, reading on a couch, drinking hot chocolate, being with a bunch of people I enjoy, having nothing to do, cooking, my roommates, and in conclusion:

I love snow days.

Check out pictures of the snow insanity that was Wheaton in Josh's blog.

And read this book:

sometimes

i am just absolutely overwhelmed with how filled with Joy and Love my life is.

that's all.

why.

"There is always the danger

that we may just do the work for the sake of the work.

This is where the respect and the love and the devotion come in—

that we do it to God, to Christ,

and that's why we try to do it as beautifully as possible."

-Mother Teresa

by His Love and His infinite Art.

"A tree gives glory to God by being a tree.

For in being what God means it to be it is obeying Him.
It 'consents', so to speak, to His creative love.
It is expressing an idea which is in God and which is not distinct from the essence of God,
and therefore a tree imitates God by being a tree.
The more a tree is like itself, the more it is like Him.
If it tried to be something else which it was never intended to be,
it would be less like God and therefore give Him less glory.

No two created beings are exactly alike. And their individuality is no imperfection.
On the contrary, the perfection of each created thing is not merely in its conformity to an abstract type but in its own individual identity with itself.

This particular tree will give glory to God by spreading out its roots in the earth and raising its branches into the air and the light in a way that no other tree before or after it ever did or will do...

The special clumsy beauty of this particular colt
on this April day in this field under these clouds
is a holiness consecrated to God by God's own creative wisdom
and it declares the glory of God.

The pale flowers of the dogwood outside this window are saints.
The little yellow flowers that nobody notices on the edge of that road
are saints looking up into the face of God.
This leaf has it own texture and its own pattern of veins and its own holy shape,
and the bass and trout hiding in the deep pools of the river
are canonized by their beauty and their strength.
The lakes hidden among the hills are saints,
and the sea too is a saint who praises God without interruption in her majestic dance."

-Thomas Merton,
an excerpt from "Things in Their Identity",
from New Seeds of Contemplation

there is nothing lacking.

favorite Christmas present.

and sometimes my life is game nights, chocolate fondue, wine and good friends.

my life...

I keep wanting to write a real blog post. But here's about as real as it gets:

My Life Is...

Spanish babies babies Spanish Spanish Spanish BABIES BABIES BABIES toddlers eight-year-old shy smiling siblings Spanish babies...

friends friends friends tears of gratitude for how amazing my friends are friends friends friends long phone calls with friends out of state joyful quick refreshing times with friends in state tears of amazement at God working in my friends' lives exciting lunches with new friends friends friends...

church church taking Eucharist giving Eucharist babies at church babies babies Spanish at church Spanish Spanish worship learning humbled church families friends church...

prayer prayer prayer what the heck I think God is teaching me stuff prayer prayer on dates with God prayer on walks prayer at lunch prayers for others OTHERS PRAYING FOR ME prayer that I don't know what I'm praying prayers of thanks wordless prayer learning what to pray sitting silently alone with others deep sad tearful broken prayer prayer where I am just with God prayer prayer prayer...

conviction learning apologizing laughing feeling so lonely feeling so connected frustration joy prayer friendship bowling reading cooking eating working driving music small group deep talks missing people Christmas lights Starbucks Julian of Norwich my roommates are awesome my cat is insane joy loneliness joy connection joy frustration learning fear HUMBLEDDD trust fear trust fear friendship Spanish Spanish connection phone calls texting Spanish babies friendship prayer thankfulness prayer...

...

(did I mention Spanish and babies? :-))

i am thankful daily there is no direct Spanish translation for "awkward".

Many weeks after the Spanish church service,
we all eat Mexican food together.

Tonight, I was sitting at a table with lovely people,
some of whom I knew and some I did not.
We were discussing how good the food was;
I wanted to say, "Yes, I never leave here hungry!".

In Spanish, you don't say "I am hungry",
it translates to, "I have hunger".

So I wanted to say,
"Nunca salgo de aqui con hambre"- I never leave here with hunger.

Except I accidentally pronounced hambre...
as hombre.
Hombre = man.

"I never leave here with a man!".

...

I think this may beat my previous winner.

aaaahhhhhhhhhhh

shout out.

My great friend Steve is obsessed with music (and, side note, lots of people are obsessed with HIS music, cause it rocks!!).

Following hours of listening research, he made a list of the 31 almost-best* songs released in 2010. Every day for the month of January he will be posting on one here.

So go check it and fall in love with some new tunes!

*He calls them the 31 best songs. But despite the FIVE options I suggested from the Weepies' new album, they are not represented AT ALL. Thus... the 31 almost-best. (The songs I suggested were Please Speak Well of Me, Made for Sunny Days, Hummingbird, Not a Lullaby, and Empty Your Hands, in case you want to know the REAL best :-)).

Uselessness.

I just posted this in November. But rereading it tonight I was so struck by it again.
I spent my afternoon at Panera, journaling by a fireplace and
asking God what to do with this year. Let this willingness to offer uselessness
and make constant choices to be with Him be a theme...

"...His life taken from Him in the ugliest of executions-

what a waste it looked!

His life was poured out in intentional uselessness,

like the expensive ointment the woman poured out on His head.

Some of us are indignant at the waste, like Judas was.

Some of us are envious of her- at least she had the ointment.

We would like to have something to give,

to pour out for love of Him,

but we don't have even that. It seems we don't have anything.

Nothing to offer except our uselessness,

and our choice to be with Him:

and that is a choice that no one but Him is likely to put any value on."

-from Celtic Daily Prayer's Aidan readings

.2011.

Enter, Lord Christ-
we have joy in Your coming.
You have given us life;
and we welcome Your coming.

I turn now to face You,
I lift up my eyes.
Be blessing my face, Lord;
be blessing my eyes.
May all my eye looks on
be blessed and be bright,
my neighbors, my loved ones
be blessed in Your sight.

You have given us life
and we welcome Your coming.
Be with us, Lord,
we have joy, we have joy.
This year is a new year,
the opening door.
Be with us, Lord,
we have joy, we have joy.

-New Year blessing from CDP

omigosh that's so morbid why would you post that on your blog.

This will be funnier if you know my mother, slash, my mother and me together.

OK. So. As we know, my mother valiantly battled aggressive advanced breast cancer this year, and, following two rounds of chemo, one round of radiation, and several unpleasant surgeries, is doing well. Yay!

So. (I'm home for Christmas and) tonight I had a little mini-meltdown, about the aforementioned cancer among other less important things. There were tears and nonsensical run-on sentences and my face got all splotchy and it was really great.

My mother, being awesome (and patient enough to lovingly comfort ME about the fact that SHE has a serious illness), was sweet and understanding and rubbed my back and murmured encouraging things...
then said, "Oh, that reminds me, I bought you something today! (big satisfied grin)", and rushed downstairs.

This is the part that will be funnier if you know her, but if you don't: my mother LOVES buying me clothing. It is her goal in life to make sure I look feminine and chic at all times. This is a difficult goal, as I spent most of my college career in an oversized pair of bright orange sweatpants (AND I LOVED THEM!).

So at least once, usually more like three times, every time I am home, she comes home with "all this stuff I just found ON SALE... REALLY... IN YOUR SIZE!!!!"... and it's always very cute, and fitted, and usually pink, and she absolutely refuses to let me return just one piece in order to use the money to buy four or five new books ("You have enough books!!! Now try this on.")

Right, so back to my meltdown, followed with love, followed with "I bought you something!".

So she comes back and hands me a REALLY CUTE BLACK PEA COAT. I super love it and squeal a lot and start to try it on and then am overcome with emotion.

Me: Mommm... can you just hug me for a minute?
Mom: Yes.
(She hugs me for a long time. I bury my face in her shoulder.)
Me: (big sniff) I'm sorry you have cancer.
Mom: Me too. But I think I'm going to be okay.
Me: I KNOW!!!! Isn't that just so AMAZING?
(I start tearing up)
Me: Just... all this week... I kept thinking that you could have been DEAD now. I'm so happy you're alive.
Mom: Me too.
(holds out coat for me to try on)
Mom: Now, make me happier.

i've got such thick skin, press Your words into me.

...holy, holy, holy,
Lord God Almighty
all Thy works shall praise Thy name
in earth, and sky, and sea
there is a sign at the sight of Thee
there is none beside Thee...
God in three persons,
God in three persons,
God in three persons,
blessed Trinity.

.tidings of great joy.

When Linus says "Fear not", he drops his security blanket.

The minute before I watched this, I was tossing around in bed thinking idly at Jesus (this would be what I like to refer to as "praying"). I was asking Him to be with one friend and his family, and I was sort of thinking at Him/with Him about my family, and it was all very personal and casual and great.
Then I watched this movie and thought about the insane majesty it taps into, of the glory of the Lord and unto you a Savior is born and a multitude of heavenly host praising God and the million insane, uncountable, independent stars in the distant galaxies.
And all of a sudden it occurred to me, that personal God I'm hanging out with IS the great majestic God who makes the stars and was born in a manger and is praised by a multitude of heavenly host. And it just boggles the mind.

Merry Christmas, friends.

Some quotes.

Whenever I read something I want to remember, something that makes me think, I copy and paste it into the drafts folder of my email (no idea why, I just remember that they're there). I went through and reread the ones I've saved over the last few months. Here's a few...

"You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life & death to you."

-C.S. Lewis (oh hello last year).

"Most of us make the mistake of seeing our lives through the lens of deficiency: what has been withheld from me? Instead of seeing our lives through the biblical lens: everything has been given."

-dt1021.wordpress.com

"It is clear in the bible that our suffering is often God’s greatest gift to us."

-dt1021.wordpress.com again (I love this blog)

“A mouthful of sea air, or a stiff walk in the wind’s face would not give grace to the soul, but it would yield oxygen to the body, which is next best.”

-Spurgeon

"I think it is appropriate to borrow an insight from the German philosopher Martin Heidegger: that care is our most basic, foundational stance towards the world, and what we care about (even in the short term) can go a long way towards telling us who we are and what we should be doing."

-my awesome friend Marty

"I will never say, ‘Holy, holy, holy’ to that which I have been able to decipher and figure out in my own mind."

-Tozer

"Knowing what we don't want helps affirm what we do."

-Urbanservant.blogspot.com (That truth has been a huge theme of my last year in a very helpful way.)

“If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea.”

-Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"There is nothing that tells the truth about us as Christians so much as our prayer life."

-Martyn Lloyd-Jones* (*Fun fact: the same Marty I quoted above was named after this Martyn!).

"...Now, there is Real Life. It's not so bad, Peter Pan. Real Life is a good place for people with childlike hearts. There is a wonder in every day, even in the most mundane workaday places and people. Real Life is a rich place for people who love to learn. You are going to learn way, way more in the next ten years than you have in the last twenty. Real Life is a place of genuine creativity. You will write your message on the hearts of countless people and you will create home for the people you love. Real Life is a place of joy for those who love without limits. So, go do that. Take that childlike faith, that trust in goodness, that heartfelt courage, and love without limits."

-ebeth.typepad.com

Emmanuel.

This made me so happy. Definitely worth watching!

I've been pretty obsessed with Mary lately (meaning the mother of Jesus, in addition to being obessed with Mary my best friend and Mary my mentor! What a name.) A woman at our church recently prayed for me on a Sunday that I would have "the heart of Mary". I thought it sounded cool and then I thought about it. Yikes. She didn't exactly have an easy time of it. Scary prayer. But that said I hope it is one God will help me to keep praying... she is pretty freaking amazing, I've been drowning in Luke and loving it this Advent.

"Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word."

Bonjour, Good day, How is your family?

I'm putting together a Disney Princesses' Christmas puzzle with one of my two-year-olds. This girl is too smart, and she is very proud as she carefully sets each piece in place. When she finishes, she beams up at her parents and I, and we clap and coo and give her kisses- "Good job, Mariana!! You did it!! You are SO smart!!".

Next, we practice being able to name and find people!

"Mari, can you find Mamí?"

She grins and points to her mom. More clapping and cooing and kissing! Great job!

"And... where is Papí??"

She points to her dad!! Yay!! Happiness and smiles and hugs abound.

"And... where's Emily??"

She looks at me. Grins. Then looks at her Disney princess puzzle, cocks her head, looks back at me... then points to...

Belle.



I meannn, I get that all the time.

The parents and I raise our eyebrows at each other and laugh agreeably, oh-ha-ha-how-cute. I play it cool, I mean, being compared to super hot Disney princesses is really all in a day's work. Isn't she smart, we pat her head affirmingly and continue...

"And Mariana... where are YOU??"

Oh, she is so smart, this girl! She grins at us widely now. She knows this game. She knows exactly who to point to!

My tiny little Mexican beauty flips aside her gorgeous dark pigtails, bats her big brown eyes, and points her olive-skinned finger at...





...Cinderella.

Sigh.

Oh, well. Even a (short-lived) comparison to a Disney princess wasn't as rewarding as the giggly hug I got around my knees when I walked in the door. I heart my job.

O come to us, abide with us, our Lord Emmanuel.

"I am sitting at a table in Caribou Coffee, in Wheaton, Illinois, watching the snow fall out the window. I am sticking my hair in a bun, pen held between my teeth, absent-mindedly looking through Grooveshark for good tunes for the afternoon. I am doing my reading for my graduate Abnormal Psychology class: from The Clinician's Handbook. This subsection: how to look for signs of physical abuse in a child...

'...There are a number of common physical signs of physical abuse. Burns of all types should cause concern, especially cigarette burns...'

...And I am cooking with the girls, we are laughing and chopping vegetables and the radio is playing reggaetón loudly, we are dancing. I grab one's hand to lift over her head and twirl her around. Without thinking, I gently rub my thumb across the round mark on her forearm, just above her wrist, as I set her hand back down. Faded but still raw looking. There are more on her upper arm, there are more on her back. I've seen them, hoping she doesn't notice my eyes linger- as she chats, cheerfully, as she throws her shirt in her laundry basket and pulls on another one, as she tells me about her morning and what she's going to do for the rest of the afternoon.

I am used to them now, they don't turn my stomach and take my breath the way they did when I first saw them. I don't think every time I see them, about what they mean, about where they came from... they are a part of life here, and I rebel against that with every cell of my body, my brain, my spirit, but it is how you continue to do this work day in and day out. Does she think about those marks and what they stand for consciously, when she looks at her arm, dozens of times a day? Do those memories cross her mind, or is she content in the now, in her life in this house, where she is finally safe? Does that mark on her arm seem as natural to her as the scar on my knee I got falling off my bike when I was five does to me? If so, is that good? Is that bad?...

...I secure the clip in my hair. I order my drink and laugh chatting with the barista. I underline in the book so I can remember the details for the test, but I write Lord have mercy in the margin."

-repost from Feb 2010.

Abide: to remain, continue, stay. To have one's abode, dwell, reside.
Emmanuel
is a Hebrew word which translates literally to,
"God with us."

"...o come to us, abide with us, our Lord Emmanuel."

i got back from bolivia one year ago today.

"Oh, it's really good! I really like it! The wine AND the bread!"

-a six-ish year old girl at Rez when she took Communion from me today.


Joy on so many levels in that interaction.

.así sea.

"Take me often from the tumult of things into Thy presence.
There show me what I am, and what Thou hast purposed me to be.
Then hide me from Thy tears.

O King and Saviour, what is Thy gift to me?
And do I use it to Thy pleasing?
Dear Lord, You alone know what my soul truly desires,
and You alone can satisfy those desires.

I have prepared a place for you, says the Lord,
a place that is for you, and only you, to fill.
Approach My table,
asking first that you might serve.
Look even for the lowest tasks.
Then, the work of service done,
look for your own place at the table.
But do not seek the most important seat
which may be reserved for someone else.
In the place of My appointing will be your joy.

Lord, show me the right seat;
find me the fitting task;
give me the willing heart.
May I be equal to Your hope of me.
If I am weak, I ask that You send only what I can bear.
If I am strong, may I shrink from no testing
that shall yield increase of strength or win security for my spirit.

I trust in Thee, O Lord. I say, 'Thou art my God.
My times are in Thy hand, my times are in Thy hand.´"

-Hild's Prayer, from CDP

yep.