Studying, a Skype date, and Soup

Welcome to a grad student weekend...

My life is pretty stable and predictable and boring, and I am so loving that. So so loving it. I love studying every day at the same wonderful coffee shop (yes, they know me by name and drink order), I love that I can count on running into half of Fox's PsyD program and a bunch of new friends from church there (I love going to church half a mile from my house so that we all go to same the coffee shop). I love my rhythm: class, lunch with friends, study, veg with roommate and whoever else is over, phone with people from home, bed (...ok, Bones rerun, then bed). I like that not much crazy is happening... my life right now is getting to know kind people, working hard at a subject I love, lots of Jesus time, lots of sweet cousins, and learning this town and community a little deeper each week.

It suits me... and I'm thankful to be here.


*Here I am yesterday about hour 5 of 7 of working on a lit review.

 

These were taken during a much-needed brain break... but seriously? I am so loving doing this work which feels purposeful and fun to me (most of the time). I feel so lucky to be studying something I love so much.

gchat:

 me: ok im gonna go continue immersing myself in reviewing studies on resilience factors in street children :-D be still my heart.

*I had a lovely long Skype date with the beautiful Kymberly Grove, rocking her last third of HNGR. Here she is in her Thai bedroom (she did not know this screenshot was taken... sorry babe. But you look cute!!)

 

My favorite quote of the conversation:

Me: What, you mean you're not omnipotent?!!

Kym: Yeah, becoming omnipotent's on my to-do list... somewhere below about a hundred GCPs.

(...Only HNGR people may get just why that's so funny.)

*And to top off my exciting Saturday night, I walked to the grocery store for vegetables and cooked my favorite soup. This was life-giving for a variety of reasons: 1) Phone date with Heath while I walked!! 2) Walking outside!! 3) CHOPPING VEGETABLES = awesome prayer time. Don't know why, always works. 4) Cooking from scratch!! 5) Doubled the recipe so there's lots in the freezer so I'LL BE ABLE TO EAT SOMETHING BESIDES COFFEE AND LEAN CUISINES THIS WEEK YESSS.

Recipe below.

 

Black-Olive and White Bean... my adaptation from digthischick's adaptation of the Moosewood Cookbook version.

3 T olive oil

1 large onion, chopped

5 cloves garlic, minced

2 celery ribs, chopped

3 carrots, chopped

2 cans black olives, sliced- save the juice!

2 cups chicken broth

2 cups white beans

1 1/2 cup roasted tomatoes (the blog says to roast them yourself. Um yeah I don't do that. There's a good can of fire-roasted with garlic kind you can find at the grocery store.)

1/4 c fresh basil (or third that if you're using dried. Or more. Basil equals love.)

Salt & pepper to taste

Heat olive oil, add onion and saute 2-3 minutes.

Add celery, carrots, half the garlic, and about 1/3 of the olives. Cook for about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Add the olive juice (there should be about two cups) and the chicken broth. Bring to just barely boiling.

Add the rest of the olives, the white beans, and the tomatoes. Simmer 20 minutes.

Add the rest of the garlic, the basil, and salt and pepper. Serve hot. Serves 4ish.

YUM.


...and now I'm self-conscious because who blogs about soup and studying and skype dates?
But I read this and it is the best explanation of why I blog, too.
...And I'm going to stop apologizing on my own blog now.
:-)

.solo Dios basta.

nada te turbe,

nada te espante,

todo se pasa,

Dios no se muda.

la paciencia todo lo alcanza

quien a Dios tiene nada le falta-

solo Dios basta.

let nothing disturb thee,

nothing affright thee;

all things are passing,

God never changeth!

patient endurance attaineth in all things;

who God possesseth in nothing is wanting;

alone God sufficeth.

-st. teresa de avila

the english version is in the mid-day prayer of CDP.

the spanish version is written on the prayer flag Sarah made me before i left for Bolivia.

i love them both.

why do i pray?

I prayed for a sweet friend who's in real pain today.

I didn't know what to pray, because I know too well that she's probably just going to be in pain for awhile.

 

There are verses to send her, but they won't make it stop hurting (I know).

There's encouragement to speak to her, but it won't make it stop hurting either (I know).

As I read and prayed through the reading this morning, verses kept jumping out that I could email her. Each time, a leap of hope came from my heart- "Oh, this fits!". But then a moment later, I would think about where she is right now, and my heart would sink as I realized... "Yes, it fits... but it's still not going to make it stop hurting."

 

What do you pray, when the pain part of the season is unavoidable?

Two nights ago as I lay in bed with her face heavy on my mind, to be honest what my heart pleaded was, "Oh Jesus... please make it hurt less." That was all I really wanted for this sweet friend. I want it to go away. I love her and I don't want her to have to walk through the next few months! I asked God, frankly and with no real attempt at piousness, to please just ease her pain. If it was me, that is what my honest desire for others to pray for me would be.

 

I prayed in trust that our Father could do it and that He wants us to tell Him our real hearts, not what we wish they are- but I prayed it in full knowledge it's probably not going to happen. And I know Him and that He counts our tears and His heart is aching with hers, and that His arms are around her. And I thanked Him for that.

Today, I pray for her pain to ease... and then I pick up my prayer book, and enter these next months with her. 

Months of learning how to pray when prayer will not bring comfort- not the relief-from-pain kind, anyway. It will bring other things: wisdom, and trust, and compassion, and endurance. It will bring a sense of His nearness, and maybe even new ways to sense His hand. As we her community circle around her and pray, my prayer is that our prayers bind this season for good, call His hand over it, guard it fiercely from any purpose other than more love for Him and being shaped more like Him.

And I thank Him that He is better and wiser than me, because that is not what I would choose- not for me and not, right now, for her. I only want it to stop hurting. And He knows that, and in His mercy He takes the choice from our hands. He will hold her. I get to enter into the weaving and binding of this pain for good.

Pumpkin Muffins & A Dance Party: Fall Cousin Movie LOVE!!!

We baked pumpkin-chocolate-chip muffins Friday afternoon!

And then after dinner... we had a dance party to Mumford & Sons. Because, obvs.

I know... I don't know why I get this awesome of a life, either.

We also went on a walk to an insanely-decorated-for-Halloween house down the block and read books and cuddled.

I love fall. And family.

The woman above is Jodi... she is married to my cousin Andy, and I am so unbelievably thankful for that, I cannot even tell you.

To any men considering marriage, my word of request: if you have a little 12-year-old cousin who ten years down the road is going to move away from everyone she knows and need a new best friend- please consider picking a wife who will hang out with her all the time and be the sweetest listener and best coffee-date buddy ever. It's a really, really nice cousin move. Thanks Andy!!

(Andy never really gets represented on here bc usually he's at work when I'm hanging out with the fam. Here he is. Do you think we look alike? Our moms are sisters. I love him a lot.)

"Miracles occur within the rules"- Quote Round-up.

Whenever I read something that I love or want to think more about, but don't have time to journal or blog it, I stick it in my email drafts folder (no idea why). Theoretically this is so I'll go back and reread it later, but generally it takes me a few months to remember to do so. Here's the June-October-ish round-up...

(Certain blogs make frequent re-occurrences) Kisses from Katie:

"And slowly but surely I am learning to trust my Father in the way that my three year old trusts me. Learning to just allow Him to carry me, take me where He wants me and know that I will still wake up in His arms, and in His arms it is safe. Even when I wake up in unfamiliar territory."

"What are you going to do next/with your home/with your children/with your ministry/in five years/when you are older/etc... I am not concerned with what I am going to do. I am interested only in what I am becoming. Each day, I am hoping to become more like the One who created me."

"I believe that this is how He has loved us and I do not pretend to know why. But I know that He who did not spare His own Son will also graciously give us all things we need, and so I cling to believing this is for good."

"...I pray only that they are becoming people who know Him more."

"...And we pray and we pray that we could spill out the grace God has so lavished on us."

Fabs Harford:

"I have traded Him for the fleeting pleasures of this world too many times to count, but He has never traded me.  And He will never trade me.  And He has met me in the pig pen and He has led me home."

  "He doesn’t promise to give me everything I need to never be hungry.  He promises to give me everything I need to not starve to death on the road home to Him."

"There is only one thing I really need.  And it is secure."

Enjoying the Small Things:

"My bottom line in parenting--in special needs, in friendship, in anything--is always this: Most of the time I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I damn well know how to spend time with my kids--how to have fun."

"It's about deeper relationships with family and friends and creating a loving, caring environment that everyone can flourish in."

Dig This Chick:

"I wonder what firsts will happen today? I wonder... "

"I decided it is a good place to be, excited for next and nostalgic for last."

"So much of diligence is about slowing down and attending to what is in my hand already."

(I actually can't find where I got this quote from, but I think it was here.)

 And then just random others from all over.

"...There are promises connected to everything we experience."

-Urban Servant

"Some people are more interested in knowing God's will than in knowing God."

-Mark Batterson

"The question is not, 'When will we get what we are waiting for?' but 'What will we become as we wait?'"

-Paul Tripp

"The good hostess is the person who makes you feel welcome, relaxed, and part of his or her life." 

-girltalk

"Breathe Him in and let Him exhale from every pore. Aren't we supposed to know Jesus so well that we know ourselves only in Him?"

-In the Heart of My Home

"I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. I don’t have any promises about ease, except: It gets worse. I DO have huge promises about joy."

-John Piper

"We lay our hope, full and tender, into the depths of Him and wait in hope for God to resurrect something good. Good always necessitate long waiting."

-Ann Voskamp 

"He who knows the why for his existence can bear almost any how."

-Victor Frankl

"In working out our callings, we are to perform for one audience, the audience of One."

-Os Guinness

"If you can only remember one thing, this is it: What is legitimate and godly is done in the light, known by others, and doesn't violate biblical standards. Anything you experience that is done furtively, in the dark, and kept secret is nearly always sinful."

 -Carolyn McCulley

"So how do we keep from wasting our trial? We persist in enduring. No matter how long the road. No matter how numerous the setbacks. No matter how deep the disappointment. We must keep before us that glorious destination: "perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." And having done all, we must simply stand." 

-girltalk

"The tricky part is living in the tension without becoming bitter about it. As my last six weeks in Longido approach, I'm trying to be mindful of that; I'm trying to let each day be its own and nothing else, trying not to manufacture experiences but thank God for the ones I have. Thank him for the people I have. Thank him for the sky that seems so much bigger here. Thank him for the dust that covers my feet, and the way the air feels so muggy on my runs at dusk. Thank him for his faithfulness; it's more than enough to make this very-not-Tanzanian-girl very happy in Tanzania for the time she has."

-Sweet Kait, current HNGR intern, Tanzania.

"Also, sorry but you're going to get me started on how much I hate the mobility of the modern world. Because we know such amazing people and have such cool lives and have had the privilege of being a part of amazing communities, we are destined to always miss people and want to be in a million places at once. 100 years ago, people lived in the same places their entire lives, with the same people. But lets be honest, I also love the freedom that modern transportation has afforded us. It has opened us up to incredible relationships and unique learning opportunities. And isn't it better to have this than never step out of our comfort zone? Hmmm the irony of it."

-my beautiful love Hayley, current HNGR intern, Ecuador- via email.
(I looovee her... this made me laugh so much- and I agree.)

"I just feel the present fact that if God weren't petitioning on my behalf, I'd be screwed."

-my dear friend Josh, via g-chat

"This change in the seasons always ushers in one of my favorite family traditions—spending our fall and winter evenings reading books together. Just about every evening we gather in the living room in that time between dinner and bedtime, and for 30 or 40 minutes the family sits while I read to them."
-Tim Challies

"Our rules for the group were to give encouragement as much as we could, and to give advice only once in a great while; we gave rebuke only when absolutely necessary, and we gave condemnation never. This was one of the times when they gave a little advice. They said, "We think you shouldn't pray. We will become your prayer for you."
-Richard Foster

"I believe that prayer truly worked for them, I believe that God heard them, and that even though things didn't necessarily get better, they were at least comforted by the Holy Spirit and that his presence was there with them. I want that, I've wanted that, so I went in search of how to pray like that."

-Foster again- both in a CT interview

"God always does more than we can ask or think."

-Worship Matters

"There is nothing worth living for, unless it is worth dying for."
-Elisabeth Elliot

"After calming the sea he said, “Why are you afraid?” Not because Christians never drown. But they are safe in drowning."
-John Piper again
(wow, I'm fairly verbal about not agreeing with a good amount of his theology, but apparently I do like his one-liners.)

"The essence of the Christian salvation is to say that He is good enough and that I am in Him."
-Martyn Lloyd-Jones

"I can't remember one single regret/
in serving God only/
and trusting His hand..."
-Sara Groves (from whom I got the name of my blog!)

"Today you'll preach to yourself the true Gospel of need and provision or a false gospel of independent righteousness, strength and wisdom."

-Paul Tripp

"The gospel is for tired receivers, not triumphant achievers."

-Tullian Tchidivjian

"Don’t think about what you don’t have or what you can’t do.  Ask yourself, Who can I encourage?  Who can I bless?  Who can I invite to my place for a meal?  Who can I offer to babysit for? ...  But you can be fruitful no matter where you are."
 -The Blazing Center

"Faith is the refusal to panic."

- Martyn Lloyd-Jones
 
"On the day when the weight deadens on your shoulders and you stumble/

may the clay dance to balance you."

-John O'Donohue

And last but not least, from the epic cancelled TV show, Joan of Arcadia: 

Joan: Make Kevin walk, please? I'll just ask this one favor and then I'll never ask for one again.
It's so easy for you. All you have to do is snap your fingers or blink your eyes.
Just let Kevin stand up.
God: People ask me to do things - big things, little things - billions of times, every day. 
Joan: What do you expect? You're God! 
God: I put a lot of thought into the Universe; came up with the rules. It sets a bad example if I break them - not to mention, shows favoritism. Why should one person get a miracle, and not everybody else? Can you imagine the confusion? It's better when we all abide by the rules. 
Joan: No miracles?
God: Miracles happen within the rules.

Holler!

(It's interesting to go back and look at what themes there are- I give basically no thought to it as I do it, just copy and paste something quickly and move on... so it's kind of revealing to see what's been pulling at me instinctively. Lots of trusting God, lots of waiting, and lots of cherishing relationships... the months where I was still working held lots of faithfulness and work ethic. Also, I'm not blogging most of these, but there were lots on adoption and fun homeschooling activities... yeah, maybe not this week.)

Textbooks Make Awesome Autumn-Leaf-Pressers!!

So that's why we had to buy so many of them!!

(Just kidding. I study in grad school.)

I heart fall.

A birthday.

 

 

Happy 24th birthday, my beautiful wonderful friend.

Oh my goodness gracious do I miss this girl!!

Cloudless blue skies in Oregon today!

Perfect fall day.

Reveling in natural beauty has always been
my best help for homesickness.

.love this.

"Once, when I was very unhappy, Hugh and I had to go to a large cocktail party. There was nothing I wanted to do less than get dressed up and have to radiate charm to swarms of people. But we went, and I tried. There was a woman at the party who very quickly had too much to drink because she was lost; she had been widowed; she had not been able to find a new life which was valuable, or in which she felt she had any value. She talked to me and cried into her drink and suddenly she said, 'You're a very happy person, aren't you?'

I had, at that point, legitimate reason to be miserable. But her question stopped me in my tracks. I looked at her in surprise and gratitude and said, 'Yes. I am.'

This was ten years ago. But the answer is still the same. The better word, of course, is joy, because it doesn't have anything to do with pain, physical or spiritual. I have been wholly in joy when I have been in pain- childbirth is the obvious example. Joy is what has made the pain bearable and, in the end, creative rather than destructive.

To be fifty-one in the world of today and to be able to say, 'I am a happy person,' may seem irresponsible. But it is not. It is what keeps me capable of making a response. I do not understand it, or need to.

Meanwhile, I am grateful."

-Madeleine L'Engle,

A Circle of Quiet

Yes. Just... yes.

Preaching to myself.

I forwarded this email a few weeks ago to some friends who are out on HNGR right now; I wrote it midway through my own internship in 2009 and hoped it would encourage them in those oh-so-fun "HNGR September blues". I went back this week and needed to reread it to myself... what was it I was saying again?

In moments of tiredness, when I don't know what to do next and I'm wondering if I'm where I should be, when energy or even joy feel hard to find... let me just be faithful.

"...I’ve had the phrase “live faithfully”running through my head for a couple months

and I’ve prayed it often, that I would live this time “faithfully”, whatever that might mean.

I’ve asked God for joy;

but I’ve also been reminded that living faithfully,

often means just doing what I am supposed to be doing at any given moment.

Living faithfully isn’t necessarily waking up with a huge leap of joy in my heart to be in this city the way I have felt at other times; it might be just going to work (preferably on time), trying my best to love the girls, working on my independent study, and playing cards with my host siblings.

Maybe right now I need to be learning how to just fulfill my responsibilities faithfully and as cheerfully as possible, with or without “feeling” how I want to be feeling;

and that THAT is what I am called to
in this time."

 

 dried hydrangeas and vanilla candles on my bedroom wall.

My mother outdid herself.

 

 

The most beautiful quilt in the world now graces my bed.

(It's sad when your mom's too far away to cuddle with, but this is definitely the next best thing.)

Having a Science Nerd For a Dad is Great.

Post a mention of the Northern lights, I got this text:

"I love you to the top of the sphere of fixed stars!!!"

Thanks, Dad. Me you, too :-)

Becky Ramsing came to visit and brought me the best present ever.

 

I know, right?!

Hot date.

I went to Starbucks with a cute boy yesterday.

He melted my heart with his excellent hand-holding skills, his wide grin... and his shoes that light up when he walks.

 

 

He's a cheap date, too. His only requests were a chocolate chip cookie, apple juice, and that we sit at a "really tall table" and take a picture so he could show Daddy how he climbed in it all by himself (he really did, too!).

 

 (Salted caramel mocha for this cousin!!! Heart fall.)

 

We brought Mama back some coffee and she was happy too.

 

"Hey Wyatt, want to know something?"

"Yeah!"

"I love you very much."

"I already knew that!!"

Such a blessing to be near my sweet family.

Reason Fourteen Million and Six I Love Breanne.

Gchat:

me: mrr...
i so feel like God's telling me i need to stop whining and learn to live in ambiguity.

Breanne:  whatevs.
i hate ambiguity.

Way to summarize, love :-)

provision.

This is a guy in my cohort and his wife, at their house last night. Our cohort had a prayer retreat a couple Saturdays ago and in my small group, despite my best efforts to the contrary, I ended up venting out some worries I was carrying. Tyson came up to me on Monday. "So... I hope you don't mind... but I told my wife some about what you're thinking. And... she's a really great resource. She said she'd love it if you wanted to come over and talk to her any time..."

Sooo... last night I did. I went and perched in their living room and felt self-conscious for about three seconds but it went away in their genuineness and warmth and as I laughed with them at their three beautiful kids running around the living room. Then Tyson put them to bed and Jesi asked me awesome questions and shared good thoughts and was empathetic and wise and prayerful and helpful. And I left feeling encouraged and cared for... and a little bit more able to trust God.

And not only did they reach out to me, listen to me, not judge me, and share their hearts and home:

  we had banana splits.

.grateful... for a lot.

A sweet and full six weeks.

It's October 1. I woke up this morning snuggled under a REALLY comfy down blanket on two of my favorite people's couch in Seattle, which is a lovely way to start your favorite month of the year.

I drove up after class yesterday to join Tim & Ash, beautiful Kari, and several other Wheaton alumni in the area for a "Thanksgiving dinner"... since we're losing T&A (sob) back to North Carolina this month, we had to celebrate together early.

I'm back now, refreshed and content. And this crisp evening, I am thankful.

Sweet gifts in this season...

-Doing life with people here. Matt pointed out to me on the phone last week how perfect this cohort set up is for "the way I love to do life"... I see the same people every day, I form deep relationships with them, I get to do the daily tasks of life with them. As much as I loved my community last year, there were few people I saw more than once a week. I'm in class four days a week with the same people; we study together; we bike together; we plan random fun weekend activities together; we cook and eat meals together.

-After sitting next to me at orientation, a quiet guy in my cohort named Ryan went home and informed his wife he had found her new Newberg best friend. Then he brought her to our house for a potluck the next night and sent us into the kitchen together. Half an hour later we had yet to emerge, and were found leaning against the counter discussing our love of Madeleine L'engle and when we could have coffee. Her name is Chelsea and I LOVE her. And I love her husband and I love them together and I love hanging out with them. They and my roommate and I take turns cooking dinner for each other (they made crockpot basil chicken last week, I made the Barefoot Contessa's roasted-red-pepper-and-goat-cheese sandwiches this week), Chelsea hosts weekly Grey's Anatomy nights, we're holding each other accountable to read for pleasure, we text each other prayer requests. It's. Great.

-My sweet and quirky roommate. She's ridiculous and hilarious and wonderful. I am loving living with her.

-Quaint, beautiful Newberg. I love this small town.

-Everything being within a mile. Love it, love it, love it.

-Insanely approachable, warm, encouraging professors.

-A promising-seeming dissertation topic I am giddy with excitement over and a potential advisor who is excited too.

-Slower pace of life here.

-Lots of time outside.

-Autumn air.

-Leaves starting to change.

-MY BIKE (thank you sweet cousins)

-The intimacy with God which comes from loneliness. The good kind of loneliness.

-His tenderness and patience with me and a sense of His presence this week.

-A sense of rightness of being here in this season. As Kar and I talked about today, you can be in the right place without it feeling especially right, and that's important to know how to do. But... it's SO great when it DOES feel right. I'm sooo thankful and enjoying that.

-Amazinggg time with Wheaton friends this week. Ame's wedding, SARAH, which will be its own post, and Seattle last night and today.

-The long drive to Seattle alone, looking out at pine trees and mountains and lakes, listening to hymns and letting their truth feed and ground and comfort me. It was so so just what I needed.

-Waking up on Tim and Asharae's couch this morning, cuddling with Ash, going out to eat with them, good talks, good laughter, good friends.

-A long date with Kari, seeing the amazing fit Seattle is for her, seeing so much of what God is doing in and through and around her, watching her radiance and peace, the comfort and joy of being listened to and loved by a good friend.

-Voicemails and texts from my BEAUTIFUL faraway friends. I am so blessed.

It's October. I am thankful.