My Community Garden. (I)

I am having such a blast this spring

filling my little house and every spare corner of rocky yard with pots full of life and green.

 My four different kinds of basil. I can't get enough dude. There's more inside, too.

It's such a cliche, especially a Pacific Northwest cliche, and especially a Christian-20-something-social-justice-ish-girl-in-Birkenstocks cliche...

but growing things myself, even just my tiny little bits,

has been so exciting, inspiring, and life-giving.

And picturing the people I love,

some close and some (too!!!) far,

doing that too,

working with their hands in the soil and coaxing life out of seeds and eating flavors they watered and getting joy from flowers they've nurtured into bloom...

makes me feel extra connected to them and extra life-is-good happy.

So.

I present. Emily's Community Garden. Part ONE, because I KNOW I'm getting MORE PICTURES FROM PEOPLE. :-D

Kelly sent me pictures of their beautiful garden in Maryland...

especially impressive considering she is 9 months pregnant! Go Alec and Kelly!!

This year they're growing tomatoes, jalapeno peppers, green beans, spaghetti squash, cucumbers, rosemary, basil, and mint. Baby Pax is going to be eating so well!!!

Amy and James just bought their first home in San Diego... so excited for them!! They already made this beautiful plot. (I get to go visit soon!)

Claire is brightening her Washington D.C. house with this potted loveliness.

In North Carolina, Tim and Ash and her parents are rocking OUT a garden, which is its whole own story. I will put more pics of it up later, but here is one to start. This entire structure is new this season, and it's been so fun to talk to her about it and hear how excited they are to be enjoying the earth this new way.

I love this picture from Marty... He and his dad planted this tree together in Texas!

In his email he wrote, "Gonna grow up to 80ft in the next couple decades! Hopefully will provide ample shade for (hopefully) my future brood of kiddos." I love that.

Sarah has two gardens in D.C.- a big community one and this front-yard kitchen herb garden...

...in which she is currently growing parsley, cilantro, sorrel, tarragon, rosemary, oregano, thyme, peppermint, lemon balm, mint, lavender, basil and nasturtiums.

Underachiever.

She sent this picture of the "results" of her community garden:

It grows mustard greens, Red Russian kale, turnip greens, and apparently diamond rings.

0:-)

Miss Rach and her crazy happy self on her Arkansas farm. For real. Girlfriend is so happy every time I talk to her- I love seeing her English major mind thriving in the dirt and the green.

She, her brother Peter, and three friends are loving living on two acres and growing (in this picture): potatoes, herbs, lettuces, kale, cabbage, arugula, a few early tomato and pepper plants, onions, and garlic.

Beautiful girl and Rockefeller the rockstar dog!

My sweet mom in Maryland is doing her usual plot of gorgeous flowers full of color... I'm leaving this photo uncropped to show that she is also enjoying the weather by kayaking. Of course. Crazy lady.

Nate is growing spinach, a few beets, lettuce, and tomatoes in Durham. He told me he had a salad from his garden the day he sent the pic. Nice!

Here is some Caleb cuteness in Michigan!! Hans and Lindsay just moved into their new house last week!! She wrote that they were excited to find some things already growing for them when they got there.

Locally... I love getting to see these Oregon gardens in person often.

Bryan, Leah, Wellington and baby Pearl are growing a gorgeous one just down the street from me. Welly as you can see is quite the gardener. Here he is helping start their tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, peas, carrots, cucumbers, and beans.

What a helper!

Brandon and Korie's BEAUTIFUL backyard was a huge factor in my deciding to plant flowers this year. So lovely.

I'm hoping their gardeners (and firefighters, slas, Mr. and Mrs. Claus) will come over and help me with mine, too.

Check out these garden models.

Friends, thank you for sharing the Life you are cultivating with me.

I love your flowers, your food, your babies, your dogs,

and trying to know what I can about pieces of joy in your days,

no matter how near or far we are.

In my inbox.

Amen.

Really thought-provoking and surprisingly comforting for me, this thought.

.secret things belong to the lord.

"He is leading you, step by step,

through your life.

Hold His hand in trusting dependence,

letting Him guide you through this day.

Your future looks uncertain and feels flimsy—

even precarious.

That is how it should be.

Secret things belong to the Lord,

and future things are secret things."

(just what my heart needed today, ash,

thank you. i love you.)

.to hold.

I'm in Texas for a week at a training in Trust-Based Relational Interventions for kids coming out of traumatic backgrounds.

Just listen to that title... trust-based, relational interventions.

Can you think of something better?

I'm so thankful to be here for more reasons than I can say

and my heart and mind are exploding all over the place.

(Some of you may be noticing this from the amount of texts you're getting from me hourly or so...

sorry, yall.)

As we learn how to create connection, presence, mindfulness, felt safety, nurture and structure, gentleness and playfulness,

I have been aching for a house of girls and the amazing staff who live out these principles in a city in Bolivia.

A re-post of something I wrote in February 2010,

when I had been back just weeks

and those faces were on my mind every minute of every day.

...I spent the last six months cuddling with 15 Bolivian teenage girls. Really. It is a big joke among my HNGR class that every single one of my twice-monthly assessment letters included at least something about physical touch. But trust me, to leave it out would not have given a good picture of my time. Of course, it makes grad school applications somewhat complicated. "Description of Clinical Experience: Please list job title and responsibilities". Responsibilities... um... is there a way to make "Rubbed backs and braided hair" sound professional?...

I loved it. I loved every minute. Bolivian culture involves a lot of physical touch; these girls in particular were way affectionate. And plus hugging doesn't require perfect Spanish. But, it felt more important than that.

Did, in holding these girls, I get to communicate to them that they were unconditionally accepted?
Touch can say so much more than words sometimes.

To feel held is such a big deal.

Did loving touch from the staff and from me communicate safety to them,

when before, physical contact had been a tool for their pain and harm?

Did they feel loved when we lightly touched their head or rubbed their back?

When we cupped their cheek or tucked their hair behind their ear?

Did they feel known, like they belonged?

Was it easier, then, for them to visualize the love of God that Gonzalo told them about in devotionals every morning,

Tino taught to them as he structured and organized their days, counseled them on work, disciplined them when necessary,

that Gladys led them to in their counseling sessions?

 

One girl I literally spent probably an hour every day just cuddling on the couch with. She was a shyer one. She took awhile to warm up to me. But once we became friends, about half-way in, she wanted to be leaning on my shoulder or laying quietly with my arm around her as I chatted and laughed with everyone in the living room as much as possible. Mosoj Yan threw a goodbye dinner for me two days before I left, but I had forgotten some stuff at the house and had to run back the next day to grab it. I was going to try to make it a really quick trip in because I didn't want to have to see everyone again and start crying... "Yes, that's a good idea, don't let the girls see you. Maria Eugenia cried the whole night after you left." What did I even do that would be that important to her? I held her.

We receive love by having material needs being met: Mosoj Yan gave them good meals, clothing, warm and safe beds. We receive love by having hope and a future: Mosoj Yan teaches them skills, counsels them that they are worthwhile, works to get them education. We receive love through words: encouragement; through memories: laughter, dancing, pizza parties, good conversations.

And, we are bodies. We are physical bodies with physical needs, with needs to be touched and held and loved physically.

At times when my language skills weren't enough

but even more than that my brain and heart failed to be able to communicate to them

how deep God's love for them is,

how much I hated what had been done to them,

every hope and dream I had for them...

I could lovingly touch them.

I could pray that as I held them they could receive that they were hold-able,

acceptable,

worth knowing and loving,

deserving of more than abuse.

What a privilege, to be able to hold.

Don't miss the amazing pictures Tim and Ash have been posting from our time with the girls at Mosoj Yan this summer.

Bolivia "teaser".

This is a two-minute preview video Tim put together from our Bolivia trip. It is absolutely beautiful. This is the house I did my six-month HNGR internship in. More video coming!!

I love all of it, but my favorites are the clips of their beautiful faces, starting at about 1:32.

In the meantime, Tim and Ash are starting to post Bolivia pics on their blog, so make sure to check in over there!!

Mosoj Yan Teaser from Tim and Asharae Kroll on Vimeo.

We are grateful to be called by You.

"...Give us courage for our different vocations,

and energy for our different Hope."

-Walter Brueggemann

Sacred moments.

Tim, Asharae and I started our first Cochabamba morning sitting at the kitchen table for almost two hours, sipping coffee and talking.

I love listening to their reflections on photography and why capturing images of everyday life is so sacred to them.

Grateful for these friends; grateful to be here with them. Lovely start to my morning.

(our travel blog)

And this one time we flew to Bolivia.

Oh yeah so btw I'm in Bolivia. Did I mention?

It's sort of a long story. Basically, I got a grant from my school (I LOVE YOU FOX!!) to come down here to do a research project! (...and I am really, really excited about the research project, but yes, my first thought when I heard about the grant being available was "OMG FREE TRIP TO SEE EVERYONE!!!").

I'm looking at the factors affecting the girls' resilience: why can some girls thrive after our program, even after living through horrible traumas, and some we can't seem to reach no matter what we do??

A wise and lovely friend posted some about it here, along with her thoughts as a parent of children with early trauma backgrounds, on the importance of understanding resilience.

The hopes are that understanding what factors enable some girls to overcome their backgrounds, can help us to better reach all of them... please, Jesus.

And TIM AND ASH are going with me!!!!!!!!!!!

Tim grew up in Coch, they both speak Spanish and love Latin America, and we've always talked about how great it would be to all go down together. A casual text: "Wouldn't it be cool if we went to Bolivia together someday and you could take pictures of my girls?", "OMG yes, when?", "Well actually I'm applying for this grant...", crazy amount of details falling together, and... three plane tickets were purchased.

(More info here).

They will be photographing the girls and the staff, to tell and give dignity to their stories, to show the work Mosoj Yan does day in and day out to love on these precious children of God, and to also provide them with the pictures as means of raising awareness and funds.

So, yup. We met up in Miami, flew to La Paz, spent a crazy day there renewing passports after a stolen backpack (sad :-(), stayed one night in a hotel, and are now in the airport about to fly to Coch. Where the Mosoj Yan staff are picking us up from the airport.

I'M ABOUT TO SEE THE STAFF AND GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I'm with two of my favorite people.

And the air smells like Bolivia.

And I get to steward psychology and my opportunities to bless people that are so important to me.

This girl is thankful.

(Sleep deprived. But thankful.)

We are so appreciative of prayers- pray our projects will bless these girls and staff. Pray for safety and health. Pray all of us will know Him better.

We're keeping a tumblr here, which will exhibit much more frequent updates and also Ash's amazing photography.

xoxoxo

em

On the plane!

 

One of my all-time fave photos. At their wedding in 2010.

"Practice resurrection."

-Wendell Berry

A sweet and full six weeks.

It's October 1. I woke up this morning snuggled under a REALLY comfy down blanket on two of my favorite people's couch in Seattle, which is a lovely way to start your favorite month of the year.

I drove up after class yesterday to join Tim & Ash, beautiful Kari, and several other Wheaton alumni in the area for a "Thanksgiving dinner"... since we're losing T&A (sob) back to North Carolina this month, we had to celebrate together early.

I'm back now, refreshed and content. And this crisp evening, I am thankful.

Sweet gifts in this season...

-Doing life with people here. Matt pointed out to me on the phone last week how perfect this cohort set up is for "the way I love to do life"... I see the same people every day, I form deep relationships with them, I get to do the daily tasks of life with them. As much as I loved my community last year, there were few people I saw more than once a week. I'm in class four days a week with the same people; we study together; we bike together; we plan random fun weekend activities together; we cook and eat meals together.

-After sitting next to me at orientation, a quiet guy in my cohort named Ryan went home and informed his wife he had found her new Newberg best friend. Then he brought her to our house for a potluck the next night and sent us into the kitchen together. Half an hour later we had yet to emerge, and were found leaning against the counter discussing our love of Madeleine L'engle and when we could have coffee. Her name is Chelsea and I LOVE her. And I love her husband and I love them together and I love hanging out with them. They and my roommate and I take turns cooking dinner for each other (they made crockpot basil chicken last week, I made the Barefoot Contessa's roasted-red-pepper-and-goat-cheese sandwiches this week), Chelsea hosts weekly Grey's Anatomy nights, we're holding each other accountable to read for pleasure, we text each other prayer requests. It's. Great.

-My sweet and quirky roommate. She's ridiculous and hilarious and wonderful. I am loving living with her.

-Quaint, beautiful Newberg. I love this small town.

-Everything being within a mile. Love it, love it, love it.

-Insanely approachable, warm, encouraging professors.

-A promising-seeming dissertation topic I am giddy with excitement over and a potential advisor who is excited too.

-Slower pace of life here.

-Lots of time outside.

-Autumn air.

-Leaves starting to change.

-MY BIKE (thank you sweet cousins)

-The intimacy with God which comes from loneliness. The good kind of loneliness.

-His tenderness and patience with me and a sense of His presence this week.

-A sense of rightness of being here in this season. As Kar and I talked about today, you can be in the right place without it feeling especially right, and that's important to know how to do. But... it's SO great when it DOES feel right. I'm sooo thankful and enjoying that.

-Amazinggg time with Wheaton friends this week. Ame's wedding, SARAH, which will be its own post, and Seattle last night and today.

-The long drive to Seattle alone, looking out at pine trees and mountains and lakes, listening to hymns and letting their truth feed and ground and comfort me. It was so so just what I needed.

-Waking up on Tim and Asharae's couch this morning, cuddling with Ash, going out to eat with them, good talks, good laughter, good friends.

-A long date with Kari, seeing the amazing fit Seattle is for her, seeing so much of what God is doing in and through and around her, watching her radiance and peace, the comfort and joy of being listened to and loved by a good friend.

-Voicemails and texts from my BEAUTIFUL faraway friends. I am so blessed.

It's October. I am thankful.

1) I love Tim and Ash, 2) A long runway, and 3) Beautiful photos. (I have decided I love lists.)

I got to see two of my favorite people the other week!

(Dear Asharae, I am obsessed with your eyes. Love, Emily. PS I mean that totally non-creepily.)

 

1) Tim and Asharae, close friends of mine from Wheaton, moved to Seattle shortly after their wedding last summer. We have been eagerly texting all year about how great it would be when I joined them in the Pacific Northwest... and the day finally arrived!!

We met up at a town in Washington, found a random beautiful park,

and wandered the woods, laughed a lot, and (very normal for the three of us) sat and talked for hours.

It would be impossible to say everything I appreciate about these two (I tried a bit last year)... they are two of the most genuine people I know. They engage in life fully. Their marriage is beautiful and a privilege to behold. They are unfailingly kind. They are thoughtful and prayerful and wise and insanely, ridiculously encouraging (and I know a LOT of encouraging people). Whenever we hang out I always leave feeling strengthened to seek and love God and to be myself.

2) As we talked I ended up sharing a LOT with them about some of my thoughts and feelings and tentative hopes and concerns about entering a five-year program.

I am so excited to put whole-heart-mind-body-engagement into this education.

Into studying and practicing and pouring myself into learning these skills- out of true hope that it is the best way to steward the gifts God has given me. That it will enable me to serve Him and others in the long-term.

But still. There is this tension...

of memories of laughing and dancing with these sweet girls and praying over them as I tuck them into bed.

Of my arms that long to hold babies that need love.

Of so many needs everywhere-

and I'm burying myself in textbooks in a coffee shop??!

Really? Really, this is not the most selfish and ridiculous thing ever?

They talked to me about the concept of "a long runway"- something they learned about this past year. The idea that God is preparing us all the time and we don't know how He's going to use us in the long-term.

We try to serve Him each day, and we also hold our present with the idea that it may be "a runway"- work and preparation happening in our life and heart and skills, for something in the future we don't know yet.

And sometimes it's "a long runway". They reminded me of that idea.

I'm still mulling on the concept and it will probably turn into its own post at some point. In any case, I was so encouraged by their words and their affirmation of where I am right now. I left feeling strengthened.

3) They run their own professional photography business and they are incredible at it. If you need anything done in the Seattle area through the fall or the Raleigh, NC area after that (or they travel!), I cannot recommend them highly enough.

Gotta love hanging out with friends who can make a walk in the woods turn into this:

 

(I stole their camera and took some of them, too, because as you can see they're way too cute to always be behind it.)

 

I love you guys SO much! Thank you for letting me into your life... thanks for loving on me soooooo much... I am so happy we are in the same region :-).

 

 

 Ah, friendship. You are my favorite.

(All images are Asharae Marie Photography. Yay!)