90.14

more than all i want

more than all i need

You are more than enough for me

more than all i know

more than all i can see

You are more than enough for me

Too funny not to post.

So I sent an email to one of my best friends in Chicago tonight,

"hey babe- i miss you!
this website should help you with some of the tasks you have weighing on you right now.
you're welcome."

The link leads to the official Oregon state website's "Moving Tips" page. As in, here's how you can move to Oregon! (She has no plans to move to Oregon). Cute, right? Hint hint, I miss you, move to Oregon, ok funny email, love you bye!

Except I am perpetually multi-tasking and so rather than waste the approximately 1.2 seconds it takes to open up a compose mail window by just waiting on gmail, I was looking up recipes. I had just copied the Oregon website address, but found a good looking tomato-pie recipe in the meantime and without thinking copied that one too.

Then I wrote the email to the friend (who is, btw, recently married), over "website" pressed paste and linked her to... the recipe.

Click over to the recipe and see why that was unfortunate.

"Hey babe, this should help you with some of the tasks you have right now..."

Awesome.

I got to see Jana this weekend!

Your jealousy is totally valid.

We were celebrating someone we love getting MARRIED!!... it was absolutely beautiful. More pics to come.

.it all.

"The great secret to the spiritual life, the life of the Beloved Sons and Daughters of God,

is that everything we live,

be it gladness or sadness, joy or pain, health or illness,

can all be part of the journey toward the full realization of our humanity."

-Henri Nouwen,

Life of the Beloved

Made. my. day.

Just got this email from a close friend from Rez, about a conversation with her 4-year-old.

"Emily,

Just saw a picture of you from this summer's Bolivia trip on the Wheaton homepage!  This reminded me that I wanted  to tell you something cute A. did a week or two ago.  She's in pre-K now and they have a devotional and prayer time each morning.  A. informed me one day that she had prayed for Miss Emily during this time, "since she's moving far away and that's sad".  I was so surprised because we hadn't talked about you recently.  So I chalk it up to the Holy Spirit.  

Just thought you'd feel loved by that!!

Hope the transition to new school, new home, new church, new friends, etc is going well."

Have I mentioned I love my babies?
Also, why is my life so wonderful.

Also, I miss my Wheaton community.

A good day.

Pumpkin spice coffee,

developmental psychology,

my new favorite coffee shop,

and Tracy Chapman, Mumford & Sons, and David Gray playing.

Mmm, dear grad school life, I like you.

.rock of ages (when the day seems long).

Rock of Ages, when the day seems long

from this labor and this heartache, i have come

the skies will wear out, but You remain the same

Rock of Ages, i praise Your name

Rock of Ages, when in want or rest

my desperate need for such a Savior i confess

pull these idols out from my heart embrace

Rock of Ages, i need Your grace

 Rock of Ages, "It is done!" You cried

the curtain's torn and i see justice satisfied

now write Your mercy, on my heart and hands

Rock of Ages, in faith i stand

Rock of Ages, my great hope secure

Your promise holds just like an anchor to my soul

bind Your children with cords of love and grace

Rock of Ages, we give You praise.

-Rock of Ages (When the Day Seems Long),

Indelible Grace: By Thy Mercy

On repeat today.

.this is so so so my heart exactly these days.

"We yearn, in every season, for your presence.
We know that our hearts will be restless, until they rest in you...

Truth to tell, we do pant restlessly,
       but not always for you.
               Sometimes, instead for security
                                   or sex and beer and sports,
                                   or power and success,
                                   or beauty and acceptance... not seeking you.

...We yearn for you in every season,
        making you too easy, imagining you too difficult,
       bewildered and unsure until you give yourself concretely to us,
        as you have done and as you do. Amen."

-Brueggemann, "Not always for you"

Read that a couple days ago after a restless wrestling prayer day and almost cried.

Yes to yearning but not always for Him.

 Yes to making him too easy and yes to imagining Him too difficult,

yes to bewildered and unsure,

and oh yes to how He gives Himself concretely to me, anyway.

1) I love Tim and Ash, 2) A long runway, and 3) Beautiful photos. (I have decided I love lists.)

I got to see two of my favorite people the other week!

(Dear Asharae, I am obsessed with your eyes. Love, Emily. PS I mean that totally non-creepily.)

 

1) Tim and Asharae, close friends of mine from Wheaton, moved to Seattle shortly after their wedding last summer. We have been eagerly texting all year about how great it would be when I joined them in the Pacific Northwest... and the day finally arrived!!

We met up at a town in Washington, found a random beautiful park,

and wandered the woods, laughed a lot, and (very normal for the three of us) sat and talked for hours.

It would be impossible to say everything I appreciate about these two (I tried a bit last year)... they are two of the most genuine people I know. They engage in life fully. Their marriage is beautiful and a privilege to behold. They are unfailingly kind. They are thoughtful and prayerful and wise and insanely, ridiculously encouraging (and I know a LOT of encouraging people). Whenever we hang out I always leave feeling strengthened to seek and love God and to be myself.

2) As we talked I ended up sharing a LOT with them about some of my thoughts and feelings and tentative hopes and concerns about entering a five-year program.

I am so excited to put whole-heart-mind-body-engagement into this education.

Into studying and practicing and pouring myself into learning these skills- out of true hope that it is the best way to steward the gifts God has given me. That it will enable me to serve Him and others in the long-term.

But still. There is this tension...

of memories of laughing and dancing with these sweet girls and praying over them as I tuck them into bed.

Of my arms that long to hold babies that need love.

Of so many needs everywhere-

and I'm burying myself in textbooks in a coffee shop??!

Really? Really, this is not the most selfish and ridiculous thing ever?

They talked to me about the concept of "a long runway"- something they learned about this past year. The idea that God is preparing us all the time and we don't know how He's going to use us in the long-term.

We try to serve Him each day, and we also hold our present with the idea that it may be "a runway"- work and preparation happening in our life and heart and skills, for something in the future we don't know yet.

And sometimes it's "a long runway". They reminded me of that idea.

I'm still mulling on the concept and it will probably turn into its own post at some point. In any case, I was so encouraged by their words and their affirmation of where I am right now. I left feeling strengthened.

3) They run their own professional photography business and they are incredible at it. If you need anything done in the Seattle area through the fall or the Raleigh, NC area after that (or they travel!), I cannot recommend them highly enough.

Gotta love hanging out with friends who can make a walk in the woods turn into this:

 

(I stole their camera and took some of them, too, because as you can see they're way too cute to always be behind it.)

 

I love you guys SO much! Thank you for letting me into your life... thanks for loving on me soooooo much... I am so happy we are in the same region :-).

 

 

 Ah, friendship. You are my favorite.

(All images are Asharae Marie Photography. Yay!)

Oops.

I accidentally ordered some books online this week. I didn't mean to!

(Haven't found a liturgical church here yet!)

(I think I'm going to do my research paper for spiritual formation on Julian of Norwich... So it really counts as a textbook...)

 

(...I just really like Brueggemann?)

Whoops.

(Amazon and your lame one-click button. Horrible wretched marketing scheme.)

Memory verse for the month: "But the fruit of the spirit is... self-control." Galatians 5:22-23.
Working on it. Hm, I wonder if there are any good books on it available...

"God of our times, our years, our days...

You are the God of our work,
                                of our rest,
                                of our weariness.
Our times are in your hands. We come to you now
     in our strength and in our weakness,
      in our hope and in our despair,
     in our buoyancy and in our disease.

We pray to you this day, for ourselves and others like us in our greed.
     We are among those who want more...


     ...Be for us enough and more than enough,
     for we know about your self-giving generosity."

-Brueggemann,

"With all the graciousness we can muster"

And then you.

"We arrange our lives as best we can,
      to keep your holiness at bay,
             with our pieties,
                     our doctrines,
                     our liturgies,
                     our moralities,
                     our secret ideologies,
Safe, virtuous, settled.
And then you-
     you and your dreams,
     you and your visions,
     your and your purposes,
     you and your commands,
     you and our neighbors.
We find your holiness not at bay,
     but probing, pervading,
          insisting, demanding.
And we yield, sometimes gladly,
          sometimes resentfully,
          sometimes late... or soon.
We yield because you, beyond us, are our God.
     We are your creatures met by your holiness,
                            by your holiness made our true selves.
     And we yield. Amen."

-Walter Brueggemann,

"And then you",

from Awed to Heaven, Rooted in Earth.

Absolutely buried in this book and cannot recommend it highly enough

(it mayyy in fact already be on my list for birthday gifts for several of you...)

We are studying Celebration of Discipline in my Spiritual Formation class

(side note: I picked a graduate program that has Nouwen and Foster as assigned reading- I am so in the right place, huh?!),

and this week I copied down a quote about 

"the temptation to study the disciplines without experiencing them".

I am trying to truly pray these words, not just study or even enjoy them.

Brueggemann has been a great fit for me...

somehow as I read and pray it is easy to recognize immediately that the God he wrote to is mine.

But his words and heart convict me-

his prayers spell out clearly that this world and life are not about me.

Excited to keep praying through this book,

helped to find words to Him and hopefully formed into a heart more for Him.

(More will definitely follow.)

.nuestro Dios todo lo suplirá.

I sent this email to some close friends today. I'm never sure who's reading here, so thought I'd post it here too...
<3

Hey friends,

Lauren H., who is the current intern at Mosoj Yan, my organization in Bolivia, wrote this blog post this week. It captures beautifully, and painfully, some of the battles we fight for our girls there, and the lives they have been through.

I was incredibly moved by her words and reminded to be praying for these girls. I've been thinking a lot about how... eternal... (sorry, I don't know how to make this non-Christian-ese-y) the work they do at that home is. I was so so so so blessed and reminded of that in my two weeks there this summer. Just that they are truly loving girls who ARE "the least of these".
That the staff are doing work, not because it is fun or easy or what they want to be doing all the time, but because it is what they are called to, the purpose for which they think the Lord made them.

I've been thinking a lot about how much these girls matter to God, even if no one else knows their names. And what holy work it is to work for loving even the tiniest, least significant-in-the-world's-

eyes life.

On her blog Lauren invited her friends and family to fast and pray on Thursdays with her for the girls and I am going to take that challenge. I wanted to ask a favor- that you would consider joining in that. To be honest, I am not planning on fasting from food. I'm not sure what yet, probably the computer, which is maybe really stupid but so far every time I've fasted from food it's just been disastrous and I figured it was more important that I at least do something (because too often when I fast from food I end up giving up and not fasting at all).

I truly hope this does not feel like a guilt trip and I will never ask if you do it (and wouldn't be upset if you didn't!). But you have all been a big part of my life/Bolivia journey and I wanted to invite you in on this part too.

Please know how much of my journey to those girls and their place in my heart and life and prayers is due to each of your HUGE RIDICULOUS INSANE investment in my life. Your prayers and love on me has truly touched girls in Bolivia who you will probably never meet. Which I think is really cool. Yay for life and friendships and love.

Thank you so much for your prayers- love you guys!!!
Em

Our girls.

Please read Lauren's blog post today-

and please pray with us for God's protection over these precious girls.

...mi oración en el desierto, cuando todo en nosotros seco está

mi oración en la necesidad

mi Dios todo lo suplirá

mi oración en la batalla, cuando el triunfo no puedo ver
somos coherederos y conquistadores , en Cristo permaneceremos

Te alabaré , Te alabaré , contra nosotros nada prevalecerá
Me gozaré , declararé...
Dios es mi triunfo y Él está aqui.

    

Gift list- quick.

View from my bedroom window- fields and mountains.

Three pieces of hand-written snail mail today. !!!

A lovely coffee shop .7 miles from my house, and a routine developing of God time there to start the day.

A sweet cohort of warm, quirky new-friends-in-the-making... the fact that we are all in this same boat together... the crazy things we are throwing out to do in our adjustment phase (last night may have included retro bowling and temporary tattoos... or it may not have. I'm not saying anything...)

A bike, free and perfect, bright blue and with a beautiful BASKET!!

Almost everywhere I need to go within a mile (LOVE this!).

 Friendly people everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Oregonians are genetically bred for friendliness, I swear.

My bedroom. Brand new soft white sheets. Long sheer white curtains. Framed photos of people I love. Vanilla-scented candles. Soft lighting.

 

Living off of loans is great motivation to cook from scratch, which is actually one of my favorite things :-)

The fact that I have such amazing friends to miss. (This will be a thankful. This will be a thankful. This will be a thankful. ...Thankful and tearful can coexist.)

Seeing Tim and Ash last week <3.

First fall chill in the air.

Every single thing about living in the same place as my cousin and his family.

This was taken with my phone and is not a great picture but CAN YOU STAND THE CUTENESS OF THE PINK STRIPED GAUCHOS?? CAN YOU??? BECAUSE I CAN'T.

Bones reruns.

Things I worry about (money and time, usually) being provided for so quickly and obviously that it actually makes me irritable because I have total theology issues with assuming God will provide in these kinds of ways and on this kind of schedule. But it keeps happening. If I could let myself do what everyone else does ("Omigosh two seconds after I was worried about this THE LORD JUST PROVIDED!!!!") I'd probably be more openly thankful. But... I really am thankful. Even if calling it provision makes me squirmy. Really. I promise.

Hydrangeas on every bush on our street. Deep warm pinks and purples and blues, everywhere. I have decided that I deeply, deeply love hydrangeas.

Almost every store in Newberg is independently owned.

Interesting reading.

Feeling peaceful and right about being here.

.ground.

For You are the ground.

The ages to You are only seasons.

You look on the near no differently from the far

and if they've learned to plant You more deeply

or build more grandly upon You

You barely feel it. You hear

neither sower nor reaper

when their footsteps pass over You.

-Rilke

Book of Hours I, 60

.my heart.

"JESUS, I WOULD REALLY LIKE IT IF YOU WOULD JUST FREAKING TELL ME ANYTHING SPECIFIC RIGHT NOW."

-what I wrote in my journal this morning.

In big letters and all caps, just like that.

Nothing's wrong or anything!

I like Jesus.

And sometimes I pray (affectionately) in frustrated all-caps.

I just feel like it's only fair for me to keep this blog

if I'm going to be clear that my prayer life doesn't always look like Celtic quotes and poetry.

:-)