Hello, sun in my face.

Hello, you who made the morning

and spread it over the fields

and into the faces of the tulips

and the nodding morning glories,

and into the windows of, even,

the miserable and the crotchety-

best preacher that ever was,

dear star, that just happens

to be where you are in the universe

to keep us from ever-darkness,

to ease us with warm touching,

to hold us in the great hands of light-

good morning, good morning, good morning.

Watch, now, how I start the day

in happiness, in kindness.

-Mary Oliver, Why I Wake Early

Chris and Claire wrote that in the front cover of the journal they made me for my birthday. My first thoughts when I woke up today were slightly crabby ones and I tried to make them happy. Then I remembered that poem, and now they are. I love mornings and words and poetry and joy.

Christina.

In October my beautiful BFF Christina traveled with several friends from Oberlin College to Wheaton in order to VISIT ME!!!!

Her really cute roomie Molly just posted these photos on Facebook.

This is outside of Egglectic the morning they left. I was, in fact, crying when this picture was taken.

These are her great friends Jessye and Max. Jessye stayed in our apartment and it was awesome.

Everybody before they left!

I really, really love this beautiful girl.

Future.

"My soul! Do not dwell with painful apprehension on the future.

Do not anticipate coming sorrows;

perplexing yourself with the grace needed for future emergencies.

Tomorrow will bring its promised grace along with its promised trials.

God, wishing to keep His people humble, and dependent on Himself,

gives not a stock of grace;

He metes it out for every day's exigencies, that they may be

constantly traveling

between their own emptiness and Christ's fullness-

their own weakness and Christ's strength.

But when the exigency comes,

you may safely trust an Almighty arm to bear you through!"

-John MacDuff

Hair Scarves and Friends

While doing some last-minute Christmas shopping today, I bought myself a cute hair scarf. I went back and forth on it for quite awhile, because how tacky is it to buy something for yourself during Christmas season, until finally my friend I was with pointed out that I'd gone back to look at it three times and I better just get it. Still, I made sure to keep the receipt, telling myself that I was just getting it IN CASE I decided I wanted it, and I would really probably return it.

So anyway, after Target I went over Anna's, where Christina, Claire, Kate, and Danya were gathered to share a Hanukkah celebration. Over latkes and dreidel-shaped cookies (I'm serious. Did I mention Anna's super adorable?), I confessed my hair-scarf purchase to them and asked them if that makes me count as the Grinch.

Here were their responses:

"Well, I'm sure it will look really beautiful on you. So REALLY, it's like you're giving US a gift, because WE get to look at you!"

"Yeah, and also you just made a contribution to the group wardrobe. Thanks!" (We share clothes to the point of ridiculousness. As in, "Hm, I don't have anything to wear to this dinner on Saturday." "Oh, what about Kelly's green dress? And you could borrow Claire's dangly earrings! Perfect!")

"Also, if you look really cute, your social status will go up, and therefore OURS will too because we're friends with you. It'll increase our networking abilities!"

"OH! Just like in Pride and Prejudice! And that could also help us find a husband!" (I'm serious.)

So. My purchase of a hair scarf for myself two days before Christmas, is, in fact, not really selfish because what I actually did was guarantee my friends:

• A prettier picture upon which to gaze
• An addition to their borrowing possiblities
• Higher social and networking status' and...
• Marital prospects.

Which was totally what I was thinking when I bought it. How Spirit-of-the-Season-y of me.

Basically... my friends are really cute.

Aidan Reading: December 20.

"There are times when our times with God seem boring, predictable and routine.

Will we become so discouraged by this that we give up spending time consciously in His company?

Will we persist in the routine of the relationship and hope that the feelings return?

Or will we endeavor to be flexible in our times with Him, keeping the time together varied, finding afresh what please Him?

The relationship should grow deeper over the years, not stale."

-Celtic Daily Prayer

The. Boys.

Bits

Things I Like:

*Being done with finals.

*Being done with finals, and feeling mostly great about them (I LOVE my professors. The projects/tests were all tough but SUPER fair and mostly not that bad at all. And two of them were actually last week which made my life 8000 times easier. Not always the case, Rach just told me she had one that consisted of writing NINE ESSAYS in two hours. Um? Remind me NOT to be an English major, k thanks.)

*Being done with finals, and feeling mostly great about them except for Behavioral Neuroscience, but deciding just not to worry because I was never going to do well in that class anyway and Dr. Struthers gives grace so I didn't think he'd fail me... and THEN talking to a bunch of people and finding out that EVERYONE thought it was horrible and thinks they failed. I had thought it was just me because I had more or less blown it off to study for Developmental (much more potential to be pretty). But no. One guy told me he studied for two days and reread all the chapters and still didn't even recognize two thirds of the short answer (me either). So in other words: IT WILL BE CURVED. Hurrah. I'm not screwed.
So basically the day went from "I'm done with finals and I mostly did fine and I don't even care that I blew Neuro" to "I'm done with finals and I did TOTALLY fine and BN's going to work out GREAT!" (Yay for post-final endorphin-induced eurphoria). Which might be presumptuous, but hopefully not. (Watch me fail everything now). 'Twas freakin sweet.

*FIREPLACES. I just love that we have them! I did my quiet time in front of the one in the small reading room last night... I looked on the Wheaton website for a pic but there isn't one, sad: so just picture a really cute cozy small little room with a bunch of armchairs and bookshelves and a roaring fire. And me right in front of it with my Bible. Yup so great.

*Conversations between my roommates like this:
Laura: Christine! Tell me about the mom! (on Alias)
Christine: I can't. You just have to watch it!
Laura: BUT WHAT IF I HAVE A HEART ATTACK?!!! YOU WOULD FEEL SO GUILTY!!!!

*Having a whole day between finals and leaving. I did it by accident (I thought I had one today) but it's SO preferable to leaving the next morning!! Last night I could just decompress and be happy without having to pack, I can enjoy everyone today, and I won't still be all adrenaline-filled when I get home (which, I can now tell you, is because my body's been releasing low levels of cortisol to my brain all week as I think about exams and prepare myself to work hard... yeah BN. Yeah.)

*This compline:

Calm me, O Lord, as You stilled the storm.
Still me, O Lord, keep me from harm.
Let all the tumult within me cease.
Enfold me, Lord, in Your peace.

Father, bless the work that is done,
and the work that is to be.

Father, bless the servant that I am,
and the servant that I will be.

Thou Lord and God of power,
shield and sustain me this night.

I will lie down this night with God,
and God will lie down with me;
I will lie down this night with Christ,
and Christ will lie down with me;
I will lie down this night with the Spirit,
and the Spirit will lie down with me;
God and Christ and the Spirit,
be lying down with me.

The peace of God
be over me to shelter me,
under me to uphold me,
about me to protect me,
behind me to direct me,
ever with me to save me.

The peace of all peace
be mine this night
in the name of the Father,
and of the Son,
and of the Holy Spirit.
Amen.

...and I'll be home tomorrow. That's weird and really exciting.

Yell at me if I don't do some sort of written reflection on important events of the semester, even though I probably won't put it on here.

love love.

...(oh man! this is my last post of 1st semester of junior year! ...Oh, it was such a great one. <3.)>

The Continued Adventures of the Goldberg Family

My 84-year old grandmother called me today to tell me she had exciting news.

She's engaged.

She laughed, "My doctor told me we're the two most optimistic 80 year olds he knows!"

I say: Way to go, Bubbie!

:-)

Alias; or, How I Keep From Being Addicted to TV

1. Laura rented the first season of Alias this weekend, and has been watching it in the living room.

2. Which is a REALLY cruel thing to do to me during FINALS WEEK!!

3. Unfortunately, by Sunday we'd already watched a couple... um... discs of it (ok, in my defense, I sort of wandered in and out of the room. And I had a textbook open on my lap, so it really COUNTED as studying, right?)

4. So I decided it was time to take action. Solution...

5. I wikipedia'ed it and read all the plotlines.

6. No more suspense! No more temptation. Back to studying and living a healthy and engaged life.

7. Before you judge me for my lack of proper TV-watching-patience... I did this with Lost last year, too.

8. Lost: 2 (more) seasons X 25 episodes/season X 45 min per episode... plus Alias: 4 seasons X 25 episodes/season X 45 min per episode... I just saved myself 112.5 hours of unnecessary television.

9. All that said... I now have a clear picture of who I want to be when I grow up. Sydney Bristow. Kind, brilliant, beautiful, brave, she can out-kickbox eight strong international spies at once, and she speaks 24 languages. Heck. Yes.

"In returning to Me,

and waiting for Me,

shall you be saved.

In quietness and confidence is your strength.

But we would trust ourselves

and stand in our own strength

and we shall be ashamed upon that day.

But the Lord still waits for you

to show to you His love

as He has said.

And He, He will conquer you

so that He may bless you with Himself.

Blessed are they who wait upon the Lord,

for they shall weep no more, nor be afraid."

Father of mine!

I realized I haven't written very much about my dad on here yet, which is sad, because he's pretty awesome. So I thought I better remedy the situation.

These are from a walk we went on this summer...

Father-Daugher Love!

I was trying to get a cute making-faces picture, but he wasn't that into it.

Come on Dad, get with the program!

There we go!

Seven Cool Things About My Dad Off the Top of My Head:

1. He has told Allie and me that he loves us, is proud of us, is glad he's our dad, and that we're beautiful in pretty much every conversation for our entire lives.

Let me clarify the "pretty much". I am sure that in the course of life and the fact that "conversation" could be defined to mean "Pass the salt", we have had conversations which have not included one of those exact phrases. But believe me when I say that they are rare enough to be statistically insignificant. I've heard those things so much that I have never doubted them, and they have become a part of my being and how I view myself and my worth in God's eyes too. I am lucky beyond measure.

2. He has the corniest jokes ever.

Ever. Seriously. We try to pretend they're not funny, but they still are.

3. He loves his job and is good at it.

Whenever I hear the phrase, "If you want to be happy for a year, win the lottery; if you want to be happy for a lifetime, love what you do" I think about my dad. As a psychiatrist, he spends all day helping people, and he pours himself into it and loves it.

4. He's obsessed with the Beatles. OB-SESSED.

Example: When I was little I heard so much about Paul, John, George and Ringo that I thought they were our friends. His best friend's name is John, and I just assumed he was John Lennon until I was six. I couldn't figure out why the other three didn't come over, too. For my parents' 20th anniversary they went to a Paul McCartney concert (case in point), and apparently Paul and Dad made eye contact. Seriously.

5. He loves books and reading and helps me love books and reading.

I am an avid to the point of obsession reader (duh) and that is a direct result of my parents and the fact that we probably could have paid for another year of college with the amount of books they were willing to buy me to support my addicti- hobby. My dad loves books, loves reading, read to us for years (Sherlock Holmes should be everyone's bedtime book :-)), and loves that I love reading. Our favorite father-daughter date is still going to Borders and hanging out for hours at a time.

6. He and Mom don't let us repress our feelings.

This is without a doubt one of my favorite things about my family. My parents are shrinks. We just talked about stuff. I was allowed to have questions about awkward subjects, I was allowed to feel unhappy or confused or angry (or happy :-)) and to talk about it. In 8th grade when I was having lots of middle-school-girl angst he was as miserable about it as I was. I remember after crying to him one time, he told me that he knew it might not make me feel better right then, but to just try and remember that it's okay to feel sad and that even if it didn't feel like it, "This too shall pass". I don't remember if it was helpful at the time, but it's been immensely helpful in every difficult period since then and I've passed the advice on to numerous friends.

7. And of course...

We have conversations like this.

In London, Summer 07.

This pic just makes me happy because he's wearing his Wheaton Dad shirt.

I love my dad!

Mental health and missions

I'm writing a paper for my History of Psychology class on how member care for missionaries has changed over the last century.

I just spent twenty minutes on the phone with David's mom getting two pages worth of typed information on the subject, her experiences, what she thinks the biggest struggles, challenges, surprises tend to be, how the Church can help, how missions agencies prepare and care for their missionaries. How there's more and more focus on the "whole person"... and that that is ultimately the most important and effective thing.

I GET SO EXCITED ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF COMBINING MENTAL HEALTH AND MISSIONS.

That's all. I love my major. I love my friends. I love hearing about other peoples' life experiences. And I'm really hoping my life in some way involves missions and mental health... 

In other news, Laura did an amazing job putting Christmas lights up all over the living room. So beautiful. And (speaking of missionaries) I got to talk to the Ramsings on Skype tonight. Yay!

For more on how to care for missionaries, click here.

Bits

• Sometimes sending your bosom friend an email is an important part of praying.

• Sarah is home and looks wonderful!

• Amy and I are having our annual Roommate Date to the Christmas Concert tonight and I am super excited. She is so fun. And we decided to get dressed up so I get to wear the sweet dress Matt and Amy found in their basement.

• AND I'm wearing red shoes. In part because they're cute, and in LARGE part because the example the chapel speaker used when she spoke about dressing modestly was how she got convicted about wearing red shoes. Thus inspiring me to run out and buy some. Shoes? Seriously? In context it made sense, and the talk was great... but it still made me laugh. (Lest you think I am "vampy"- her word- they're maroon flats. But I can still CALL them red shoes.)

• There is snow on the ground and snow on the campus and snow falling through the air and it is so beautiful.

• I still love goat cheese. Especially with cranberries. Mmm.

• I LOVE KNITTING.

• I decided the "Meet the People I Love" section of my blog is a little skimpy. I'm going to try to do some profiles, starting with my roommates.

• "We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who was tempted in every way, just as we are, yet was without sin. Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with confidence, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

Beautiful Heather

"God uses us because we're AVAILABLE, not because we're awesome."

-My awesome AND available roommate.

Love her. And I love that lesson. It's true. And freeing.

("Well, I don't LIKE the lesson. I just had to say it. That's just... what God says. I think.")

(Also, can you believe how beautiful she is? K thanks. She'll be mad when she sees I put that part in. But I can't help it.)

(She just saw it. She's mad. She'll get over it. It's staying in. :-))

("You're so ridiculous! I hate sitting by you whenever you're doing your blog!")

;-)

Present Fruit

"The shortest way to peace will be found in casting ourselves upon God for daily pardon of deficiencies and supplies of grace, without looking too eagerly for present fruit."

I've read that Charles Bridges quote before, and today I kept remembering that last part. I am officially gifted at Looking Too Eagerly For Present Fruit. "Ooh, ooh, I read the Bible today. I've been praying about being more selfless. Was I more loving?! Am I more peaceful?! Why did I not help someone today?!!". And then of course I don't see the results I want, and I am discouraged.

So every time I've read that quote I've been so encouraged to remember that looking too eagerly for fruit in life and work now is discouraging, and the point is to be as faithful as we can and to trust that God is doing more than we can see, etc, etc...

...and then I always end up getting really frustrated with myself later in the week when I notice that I'm still frantically taking inventory of my growth, effectiveness, and change. I'm getting discouraged because I'm looking too eagerly for present fruit in my journey to not needing to look for present fruit...

Did I mention I'm gifted in this area?

Anyway, I was thinking about it/needing to remind myself of it tonight so I went to find the quote (love ya, Google). I hadn't remembered the rest of it, and it was so encouraging.

(Side note... for another blog entry someday... I find so much strength and comfort in words. Scripture, poetry, quotes, essays, thoughtful or loving letters from friends... when my emotions and mind are weary or confused, resting on statements of truth feeds my soul and provides a foundation on which I can stand.)

Enjoy :-)

"It is faith" (faith, faith, that means I don't have to see it or feel it right now!) "... it is faith that enlivens our work with perpetual cheerfulness.

It commits every part of it to God,

in the hope,

that even mistakes shall be overruled for His glory;

and thus relieves us from an oppressive anxiety, often attendant upon a deep sense of our responsibility.

The shortest way to peace will be found in casting ourselves upon God

for daily pardon of deficiencies and supplies of grace,

without looking too eagerly for present fruit."

Oh Lord, thank You for Your daily pardon of deficiencies. Thank You that You overrule our mistakes for Your glory.

...ps, i had a sweet day.  errands and roommate time and knitting and christine k and mpm convo and matthilt-and-jill dinner and tamara coffee. oh... and class was fun, too :-P

Continued...

The fireplaces in Saga

And in the reading room

All the cozy places there are to read or study or be on campus

The photo mug Lynn made me for Christmas senior year

All the photos up all over our apartment

Poetry (rhythm makes me happy)

Beautiful writing

Convicting writing

Pieces of writing, in general.

Henri Nouwen

Journals

Journaling

Christine and her humility

Laura and the way she takes care of people

Matt and how he can go from laughing to serious and back again at just the right times

Snail mail

Care packages, making and getting

HNGR as a whole

Getting to go through the application process with some of my sophomore friends. NEVER having to go through it myself again (hahaha!!!)

Knowing that God is taking care of me

Knowing that He is working more than I can see

Not having to be perfect (I feel like that makes it onto every thankfulness list I ever write)

Tamara and that we're having weekly dates now

Trader Joe's

Goat cheese