Deepest rest occurs in deepest relationships.

My unanticipatedly long trip home (blessed snow practically doubled it- I almost cried for joy)

was so, so, so good.

It did something unexpectedly good and deep this year for my heart...

met me in ways I didn't know I was needing (but He did).

So very good

to be with the people I've known and loved and grown with forever*;

the family and friends who've known me longest,

and who for so many years have loved me so very hard and so very well.

(*And their babies. Who I suppose I haven't known as long, but I loved them so much from the second I knew they existed.)

Getting to spend time with Chris + Claire.

Just makes my heart sing.

Chris's Christmas presents to us were from her new favorite cooking store in St. Louis.
Mine: basil-infused olive oil.

Claire's: strawberry-flavored vinegar.

Because:

"They are SO good-

especially when you put them together."

We sampled.

Each fabulous,
and when together, out of this world.

Just like us.

(AWWWWW.)

Nine years...

And the scene hasn't changed.

The Ten Commandments of Spring, as told by Christina and Emily at 16

My sweet BFF Claire just sent me a copy of a list Christina and I apparently drafted in 11th grade. I had totally forgotten about it but am thrilled to say that though I may be five years older, I can't say my priorities have changed that much...

"Monday, May 23, 2005:

The Many Commandments of Spring:

Thou shalt run around outside at least once a day.

Thou shalt eat 15% of thy body weight in chocolate at least once a week.

Thou shalt always be thinking of fun things to do with thy friends outside, even if thou don't have enough time to do them.

Thou shalt not work on homework for more than 23.7 consecutive hours per day.

Thou shalt move the decimal place above one space to the left and THEN follow it.

Thou shalt jump on a trampoline every hour on the hour. If no trampoline is available, pretend.

Thou shalt drive with all the windows open.

Thou shalt picnic all the time.

Thou shalt streak after ensuring that all motion sensor light switches have been firmly placed in the off position.

Thou shalt add more comm(andments + ents) [<-- distributive property of equality] to this post..."

(And so thus were added:)

"Thou shalt stuff thy face with as many popsicles as possible. popsicles as possible. popsicles as possible. hahaha." -Claire

"Thou shalt eat strawberry ice cream and do a jig in the rain." -Cait

"Thou shalt do your running around every day with no shoes on! Also the jig shalt not be with shoes! In fact, the less shoes the better, I say." -Danya

"Thou shalt make at least one batch of brownie batter and eat the whole thing raw with a group of loved ones." -Kelly

Pretty much the perfect thing to read and remember on this first REALLY Spring day here in Chicago (mid-70s!!!). I am proud to announce that even before reading this list I had completed six of the commandments today (if doing less than 27.5 hours of homework AND less than 2.75 hours of homework counts as two separate commandments :-)).

I really, really, really love my high school friends...
some of our spring fun over the years:








Now go run around outside barefoot and eat some chocolate!! Happy Spring!!

Messenger

My work is loving the world.
Here the sunflowers, there the hummingbird-
equal seekers of sweetness.
Here the quickening yeast; there the blue plums.
Here the clam deep in the speckled sand.

Are my boots old? Is my coat torn?
Am I no longer young, and still not half-perfect? Let me
keep my mind on what matters,
which is my work,

which is mostly standing still and learning to be
astonished.
The phoebe, the delphinium.
The sheep in the pasture, and the pasture.
Which is mostly rejoicing, since all the ingredients are here,

which is gratitude, to be given a mind and a heart
and these body-clothes,
a mouth with which to give shouts of joy
to the moth and the wren, to the sleepy dug-up clam,
telling them all, over and over, how it is
that we live forever.

-Mary Oliver

I really love that poem. It gives me joy, reminding me how much beauty there is in this world; it gives me conviction as I remember that my work, too, is loving, is standing still and learning to be astonished, is rejoicing, and giving thanks.

That second paragraph kept coming to my mind verbatim this week every time I was worried, or frustrated. Despite my being SO "still not half-perfect" (I LOVE that line)... I want to keep my mind on the multitude of beautiful things that matter.

(A beautiful thing:
Christina.

Her response to this post:

Christina: aww that is really nice

we are nice friends, i think.

Mmm... I think yes.)

G-Chatting with Christina-in-Spain

Christina: hahaha

yeah, it was a good day

i realized that i need to write more while i'm here

5:41 PM me: aww

please do

i know, writings so great

i never really wrote about last semester

and now its colored by this semester

so i hope i still do

but it made me think how important it is to write

for processing and posterity

Christina: it's so true

i can help you if you need to remember what you were feeling

5:42 PM me: :-)

i love you so much

that might be up there with the hands comment.

5:43 PM Christina: haha you know i wrote that and then i thought, emily will love this

me: LOL

5:44 PM Christina: hahaha ah, to be known

Hello, sun in my face.

Hello, you who made the morning

and spread it over the fields

and into the faces of the tulips

and the nodding morning glories,

and into the windows of, even,

the miserable and the crotchety-

best preacher that ever was,

dear star, that just happens

to be where you are in the universe

to keep us from ever-darkness,

to ease us with warm touching,

to hold us in the great hands of light-

good morning, good morning, good morning.

Watch, now, how I start the day

in happiness, in kindness.

-Mary Oliver, Why I Wake Early

Chris and Claire wrote that in the front cover of the journal they made me for my birthday. My first thoughts when I woke up today were slightly crabby ones and I tried to make them happy. Then I remembered that poem, and now they are. I love mornings and words and poetry and joy.

Christina.

In October my beautiful BFF Christina traveled with several friends from Oberlin College to Wheaton in order to VISIT ME!!!!

Her really cute roomie Molly just posted these photos on Facebook.

This is outside of Egglectic the morning they left. I was, in fact, crying when this picture was taken.

These are her great friends Jessye and Max. Jessye stayed in our apartment and it was awesome.

Everybody before they left!

I really, really love this beautiful girl.

Hair Scarves and Friends

While doing some last-minute Christmas shopping today, I bought myself a cute hair scarf. I went back and forth on it for quite awhile, because how tacky is it to buy something for yourself during Christmas season, until finally my friend I was with pointed out that I'd gone back to look at it three times and I better just get it. Still, I made sure to keep the receipt, telling myself that I was just getting it IN CASE I decided I wanted it, and I would really probably return it.

So anyway, after Target I went over Anna's, where Christina, Claire, Kate, and Danya were gathered to share a Hanukkah celebration. Over latkes and dreidel-shaped cookies (I'm serious. Did I mention Anna's super adorable?), I confessed my hair-scarf purchase to them and asked them if that makes me count as the Grinch.

Here were their responses:

"Well, I'm sure it will look really beautiful on you. So REALLY, it's like you're giving US a gift, because WE get to look at you!"

"Yeah, and also you just made a contribution to the group wardrobe. Thanks!" (We share clothes to the point of ridiculousness. As in, "Hm, I don't have anything to wear to this dinner on Saturday." "Oh, what about Kelly's green dress? And you could borrow Claire's dangly earrings! Perfect!")

"Also, if you look really cute, your social status will go up, and therefore OURS will too because we're friends with you. It'll increase our networking abilities!"

"OH! Just like in Pride and Prejudice! And that could also help us find a husband!" (I'm serious.)

So. My purchase of a hair scarf for myself two days before Christmas, is, in fact, not really selfish because what I actually did was guarantee my friends:

• A prettier picture upon which to gaze
• An addition to their borrowing possiblities
• Higher social and networking status' and...
• Marital prospects.

Which was totally what I was thinking when I bought it. How Spirit-of-the-Season-y of me.

Basically... my friends are really cute.

Thankful.

My high school friends and I have a tradition of writing our thankfulness lists and sharing them with each other every year at Thanksgiving. Here's mine...

My roommates

Understanding them better and better

This year of learning to share myself with people and feeling received (even when messy)

The act of receiving others (even when messy)

The beauty, joy, and freedom of messiness

Realizing that I can't send a Postsecret card in because every secret I have I've shared and been loved through by at least someone

Tea in general, and Bigelow's Vanilla Chai in specific

Walking through campus at night when the chapel bells ring out hymns and Christmas carols

Walking through campus at night… period

This campus. The people walking through it. The lessons learned on it. The laughter and conversation and friendship and trying that pervades it.

Christmas lights

Snow falling, which I NEVER get sick of seeing and which ALWAYS puts me in a good, and thankful mood

Nights when my guy friends come over and do homework and laugh and talk at our kitchen table until 2 AM (while we drink tea, of course)

Those guys in general

Christina getting to come visit and everything about that weekend

SKYPE SKYPE SKYPE

Talking to Claire on Skype

Claire's voice and how cute it gets when she's happy

Talking to Elise on Skype and how she's beautiful and real and even though we've real-talked like twice in six months it's the easiest thing ever

People who it's the easiest thing ever to talk with (near and far)

Vanilla scented candles

The look of candles.

Walking around campus and town and having memories at most places I pass and running into people I know...

...having made a life for myself here, one I love.

Celtic Daily Prayer

Coffee shops. And how I am more productive there than anywhere else.

Comfortable socks. Not even kidding.

My church here, and how everyone loves each other and would do anything for each other

The 3 other Wheaton students who go to my church, and how we all have lunch every week after the service and even though we're really different, have gotten really comfortable with each other

My HNGR small group. I love them. so much.

Texting

How we can't plan what we need to hear/learn; if we live our daily lives and just try and love the people in front of us, God will make those conversations happen when they're supposed to

Realizing for the ten millionth time how much I admire, respect, and love my friends.

Vulnerability (I know I said that-ish already. It's been a theme, what can I say). And the peace and intimacy that comes with it.

Realizing that things that used to be really painful are less so now.

Realizing that I learned and was formed by those experiences and wouldn't have changed them (yikes! weird!)

KNITTING. How its rhythmicness soothes me.

And beautiful yarn.

The fact that my pregnant cousin-in-law is having a GIRL (after 2 boys)

The fact that my sister is growing up and is beautiful and smart and a cool, effective person

Piano music

Being up late having a quiet time at the kitchen table after everyone else in my apartment is asleep

My freshman roommate and how even though we don’t see each other all the time we still know each other so well and get so much comfort and sanity from each other

Having a kitchen. Baking. Cooking. Did I mention tea and people drinking it?

Psalm 119

Psalm 73

Ephesians 1

My mother when she’s being mildly (and hilariously) inappropriate

The fact that my dad (and my mom, come to think of it) seriously thinks I am the most beautiful, wonderful, capable girl in the whole world. And that they affirm that all the time and truly act like I'm the weird one when I point out that mayyybe they're biased.

That I got to live with the Maloys this summer

Matt Maloy and his wisdom

Mary Wolf and how much I want to be like her

Mary Elise Gottschalk’s voicemails

Time alone (WHAT?! Did I actually say that?!)

Inside jokes

Affection. Yup.

Physical touch.

Physical presence.

My high school girls and the beauty and insanity they add to my Thursday nights and life in general.

Good conversations with them and how nice they are to each other.

How much Heather and I make each other laugh.

I'm not sure I will finish this for quite a while. It was a stream of consciousness.

Home.

I've been thinking about that word a lot lately. About how now when I say, "It feels good to be home!" after a weekend away from Wheaton or "Hey babe, will I see you at home?" to a roommate heading back to the apartment, it's not only because that is the easiest way to describe the place where one lays one's head on a regular basis.

And about how as of right now, I'm not sure I will ever live in Maryland for more than a month again (makes me even more grateful for this summer). And that is a strange thing to even begin to think about wrapping my head around.

None of these are bad things. Weird, and bittersweet, but natural and not bad (thanks, Matty). God's been teaching me much about being grateful- for the past. Being joyful- in the present. And being trusting- with the future. (And mixing those all up, quite a bit).

I tried to write a more descriptive blog post about the issue... but it turned into two hours of furious typing, resulting in four front-and-back pages of external processing to the max. Incredibly therapeutic, for sure, but not blog-post-worthy (rambly and personal).

I do hope I'll be able to condense it at some point...

But then...

The other night I sat on my couch knitting in Illinois while Mayr sat in her dorm room in Maryland... and we managed to laugh, cry, and analyze and affirm each other's entire lives in two hours.

And this week I got a voicemail from Christina, walking to a class in Ohio, informing that she'd had a weird dream, and could I please call her back so she could tell me about it because it was just REALLY funny.

And I sat by the fireplace in Saga for an hour and a half last night on the phone with Erika, my freshman RA who's currently living the post-grad life in California, and I swear we might as well have been sitting on the sink in my freshman floor bathroom.

Things will always change.

But it's comforting to remember that no matter how much we change and grow and go our different directions... God provides. And some things only grow sweeter.

Summer.