A gift in this year: "The Improv Apartment"

So funny thing. All through college, my BFF Tamara did Improv, and she had lots of close friends from it who she talked about all the time. And I knew some of them, and thought they were great. But they were... you know... Tamara's Improv friends. I didn't ever hang out with them really or anything.

But, post-grad life shakes out as it will. They ended up living in Wheaton this year, I ended up living in Wheaton this year. Tamara and Steve moved into the city and we all collectively missed them. So we ended up hanging out. A lot.

And I LOVE THEM. It has been such a fun group of people and amazing source of community this year.

They were super supportive of humoring me and my need to have Seasonal Activities and even acted excited about them :-)- and were always the first group to want to plan one and participate whole-heartedly.

We went apple-picking:

 

 

And carved pumpkins:

(yes, and the story is true- after this afternoon my dad and stepmom commented on Tim and Marty being a "cute couple". They would like the world to be aware that they are not, in fact, a couple.)

AND THEY EVEN BUNDLED UP IN FREEZING FREEZING WEATHER AND WENT CAROLING WHICH MADE ME SO HAPPY I THOUGHT I MIGHT EXPLODE INTO A MILLION PIECES OF SEASONAL HAPPINESS:

(And nice people gave us cookies and requested songs. It was so wonderful.)

And they had people over to bake Christmas cookies!

There is always something fun going on in their apartment. Like when we have an hours-long insane Blizzard Party. Or zillion-people movie nights. Or are really excited when our friends get engaged!:

And they are the best people ever for chocolate-fondue-and-board-game nights:

And we went bowling a lot!!! And I TOOK PICTURES OF IT last time but they're on my lost camera. :-(.

And I enjoyed laughing at them I MEAN SYMPATHIZING as they struggled through several months in a pastel-colored, toxically-mold-infested house (true story... well, we think), before moving into their awesome apartment (DOWN THE STREET FROM ME!).

This group was such a source of fun. Sometimes after college you need just a bunch of fun people who want to do fun things and will all be hanging out together. SO grateful for their senses of humor, their energy, their insane inclusiveness (I am constantly hanging at their apartment and bumping into someone who I didn't even know knew them- "Oh, you're friends with these peeps too?" "Obvs."), and their artsiness by which I now have better musical taste and have even been introduced to a few video games :-).

But maybe coolest of all (I mean... it's a tie between this and the Christmas caroling),

they became real, deep friends. I'm grateful for Josh as a spiritual example and a prayer warrior in my life. I'm grateful for so-encouraging conversations with Marty and Steve, and walks, and reading, and eating soup together. I'm grateful for Tim's patient listening and Tim-ness through guy drama :-). I'm grateful that when my 10-year-old stepbrother came to visit they offered to take him to an arcade (who does that?! Awesome friends.)

I love you guys and admire you and I will miss you next year.

Thanking God for giving me the Improv people this year.

(sorry... I don't know how else to refer to y'all collectively. You know who I mean.)

.24.

A gift in this year: Lots Of Spanish.

Hearing, speaking, and interacting in Spanish brings me so much joy. And this year was unexpectedly FULL of Spanish.

A sad thing for me about leaving Bolivia was that I felt like I was leaving right at the point where I started to feel really comfortable in Spanish (please note I didn't say good). I had worked so hard for all those months to get to that point and then- I was leaving! I didn't know if I'd ever have the chance to use it intensively again.

And then my job fell in my lap. A series of random connections and a quick interview, and to my surprise, I found myself hired as a home visitor for immigrant families- 9/10 Spanish-speaking.

Then, I got plugged in at Iglesia. I've gotten to attend a weekly church service all in Spanish, teach and mentor kids who speak Spanish at home, get to know and love Mexican families.

I'm so thankful that instead of losing my Spanish skills, this year I had the unexpected opportunity to improve them.

I'm so thankful that I got to use something from Bolivia for good this year. Speaking Spanish helped me feel more connected to my community there. And using a skill I'd gained from HNGR to help people was incredibly healing.

I get so much joy from spending time in Mexican-majority neighborhoods, chatting with Spanish-speaking families in stores or at the library, and being able to form close relationships with people who I would never be able to know without Spanish.

Thanking God for giving me the opportunity to use Spanish this year.

.25.

A gift in this year: Children.

This is a pretty good image of how I spent most of my year:
with my arms full of babies.

(As in, I cashed in a groupon on a massage recently- the masseuse told me it was evident I worked with kids. "Your back is twisted in the way we always see with someone who has a baby on their hip all day..."-
I was so proud.)

My life was FILLED with children this year;
so, oh, was it filled with joy. 

It is joy to see God's design in how they develop.

It is joy to watch their growing exploration of the world around them ("Bubbles! Colors! Blocks! A bird! Look!").

It is joy to be the recipient of their gleeful affection.

It is joy to see their innocent, un-self-conscious personalities expressed.

It is joy to hear their questions of faith.

It is joy to see the purest human love between parents and their babies.

 It is joy to deep-down know just how valuable a life is, even when they have yet to "contribute" anything to society.

It is joy to delight in their beauty and uniqueness.

It is joy to pray over their lives.

I loved going to Rez- a church that number one, has tons of small children, and number two, values them.  Kids are welcomed and encouraged to come to virtually anything. I love seeing them come down the aisle with their parents; I love serving them the Eucharist; I love seeing them dance in the aisles during worship. I love the hugs I get from the kids in the families I know. I love that a good friend's four-year-old was scared to take Communion so they had her come to me for her first time. I love seeing them fall asleep on their parents' shoulders during the service. I love that we hear of God as Father with these examples of it surrounding us. I love that they are growing up feeling safe and accepted in an atmosphere of faith.

I loved teaching the elementary-schoolers at Iglesia every week. I love that Steven, Kym, and I took the kids to see a children's play at the college and they still talk about it months later. I love taking them out for hot chocolate after class and that they call it "going on an adventure" ("Are we going an an adventure to Starbucks tonight?!!"). I love that the moms will call me if they need a babysitter. I love that I joke with them that "God wouldn't recognize me taking Communion without a baby in my arms!" (joke- bad theology- He does!)- because most Saturday nights, I reach for the wafer while juggling at least one toddler in my arms and another clinging to the hem of my shirt.

I loved being immersed in Michael and Lisa's family. I love their babies (ages 5, 3, and 10 months). I love babysitting them, I love playing at the park, I love that I met M. the day after she was born, I love watching Michael and Lisa be parents, I love being Tia Emily.

 

And finally, obviously, there was my job.
All year I had eleven babies assigned to me. I got to read to them, I got to chart and watch their development, I got to cuddle and do crafts, I got to plan activities that were particular to their needs and strengths and preferences, I got to observe and encourage and fill with joy at their relationships with their beautiful parents. I got to fall in love with them and see them grow over a whole year.

 (And it's so sad I'm totally not allowed to post pictures of them, because they are the.cutest.babies.ever. Seriously. Be sad you can't see them.)

"How can there be too many children?
It's like saying there are too many flowers."

-Mother Teresa

Thanking God for giving me children in this year.

.26.

.i was made for sunny days and i was made for you.

"With each gift I accept and give thanks for,

I let go of my own will and accept His."

-Ann Voskamp,
One Thousand Gifts

This year... 

I did not know what to think going into it.

All I knew when I was planning it was that I needed to be here,
so I arranged to stay.

But that's like, legit about all I knew.

I vividly remember sitting on my couch with Matt last summer, a few weeks before he moved to DC.

He was trying to encourage me about my upcoming year, but didn't really know what to say.

Almost all of my close friends had already left the area or were about to.

My job was still an unknown.

My faith was still deeply shaken.

"I don't know what this year is going to look like for you..." he paused...

"It might be really hard." Pause.
"Like... really... really hard." (Thanks Matt.)

"But... I'm sure it's going to be good." Pause. "...Really!" Encouraging smile and nod!

This year was amazing.

I would not have changed a single thing.

As I've started wrapping up my "Wheaton year", I've been reflecting on the gifts it held- many of them surprising.

I don't know what I expected this year to look like,

but so many of the unique joys in it, I could never even have imagined.

There were lots of times when I was absolutely, dizzily overwhelmed with how completely filled with love and goodness and joy this life of mine is.

There were other times when I had to bite my lip and take a deep... deep... breath, and it took more strength than I thought I had to intentionally turn my gaze to what I could give thanks for. I failed at that a lot. Sometimes it took a lot of chocola- I mean, prayer. Sometimes I did it through tears.

The best moments of this year, for sure,

happened when I pictured having open hands.

Open hands to receive what this year was.

Not what it wasn't.

Not what I wished it was.

Even open hands with the parts I loved... to receive them with joy, not entitlement.

Dear Wheaton life, I have 27 days left in you.

I am trying to spend them reflecting on the gifts this year held. One way I'm doing that is counting them down on this blog. It will not by any means be a complete list.

But it is good to name some of the myriad of areas where I have been blessed beyond what I've deserved, expected, or could have asked for.

dragon school.

One of my (English-speaking) three-year-olds: "But why aren't you coming back anymore?"

Me: "Because I'm moving to another state, buddy. I'm starting graduate school."

His eyes got super big and he stared at me...

"That's SO SCARY!"

I'm thinking, whoa, this three-year-old gets my soul! It IS so scary!

He shook his head, looking sober, and turned back to his block tower.

"That is WAY too scary. I am NOT going to Dragon School."

Hm. Clinical Psych doesn't sound quite as terrifying in comparison to whatever Dragon School would consist of, come to think of it :-).

.with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

Life this week.

A mom is exasperated that her three- and two-year-old are being disobedient: "They KNOW they're not supposed to run! I tell them no running in the house, but they keep disobeying me! I tell them that you're going to come up to the door in just a minute, but they insist on running to the car as soon as they see you pull up!". I try to look exasperated at their disobedience, too...

I send my mother a picture text of my legs, bare from my knees to my flip-flops: "I'm wearing the short-er corduroy skirt we got at Old Navy. Are you proud of me?". Her response: "Always." That is my mother. Sappily, unconditionally glad she is my mom. And consistently pleading with me to show more skin. (Sorry to disappoint, Mama.)

Long, deep, so encouraging g-chat with Sarah while listening to my Ingrid Michaelson station on Pandora.

6:30 breakfast with Chet at Egglectic; staying in the sun-filled booth with my coffee mug and Bible after he leaves before I have to head to work.

Bursting into laughter so hard I almost choke at this text from my sister: "Just realized I wrote my application essay about winning a chicken nugget eating contest... when the organization's focus is hunger."

Spying this crazy balcony covered in flower pots.

 

Copying the words in my journal, tracing them over and over with my pen until they are dark and bold and soaking into my soul:  "...to give knowledge of salvation to His people in the forgiveness of their sins, because of the tender mercy of our God". Tender mercy, thanks be to God.

What happens when the tornado warning goes off during dinner with Ryan and Kendra:

 

Everyone else decided it was fine to go out by quarter to nine, but to be safe, we stayed and watched our movie on a laptop in the bathtub until almost 10. You think I'm kidding.

Lisa's children. Who so make up for the sleep I lose (at least one of them is in my bed by 6 every morning I sleep there) by the joy they give.

Laughter-filled meals out with my small group.

I text Tamara, "Do you guys want to do dinner or dessert on Saturday night?". I get back two replies: "Wish we could, we have plans! Different night?", and, "I told Tamara to tell you no, but YES! Let's just make it a surprise!". So we met for dessert... just as suggested :-). SURPRISE!

Kris Delmhorst's "Moscow Song".

Pausing in a parking lot to stare at the summer sky.

In case this is helpful.

I sent this email out to a bunch of friends yesterday and thought I might as well post it here too!

"oh hey bffs.

so me + Bible reading = stressful lately. I've been getting super stressed and anxious whenever I read it, like check out this cool conversation I keep having with myself:

me: Ooh, I want to read the Bible! I need comfort!
me: Emily, but you shouldn't just read the Bible for COMFORT... You should read it to know Jesus.
me: Oh, right! I want to read it to KNOW JESUS.
(overwhelmed pause)
me: AH. Where do I start?!
(overwhelmed pause)
(overwhelmed flipping through Bible for the RIGHT PASSAGE TO READ!!!!)
me: Ooh, I like this Psalm!
me: But I'm not getting enough out of it. I should be meditating more. Crap, my meditation is so selfish!
me: and aren't you supposed to be in the New Testament because that's where JESUS IS?!!
(frantic opening to New Testament.)
me: Oh this verse helps me to know how to live! That's good!
me: But that's not what Jesus actually said!
(flip to Gospels)
me: but then I don't get the FULL REDEMPTION STORY INCLUDING THE OLD TESTAMENT.
(frantic flipping for old testament)

...you get the idea.

Also, I really would so love to tell you I exaggerated this for comedic effect, but, no. Aren't you so relieved you don't have to live in my brain? Slash HEAR MY PRAYERS? Poor God.

OK, anyway, so in desperation I finally decided I need a new reading plan because then a nice checklist tells me what to read and I don't have to feel all this pressure to Read The Perfect Thing or Read Perfectly.

Some googling produced a handy website that has all these little options where you plug in what you want to read and in how long and in what translation. So I am doing a "Chronological New Testament", which felt manageable. It has readings per day but it's taken me 4 days to do the first, which is fine with me, I just want to have someone telling me what to read next.

ANYWAY. Why am I sending this to all of you? Because sometimes it helps me to know a) that someone else ever feels that way too and b) to have motivation/community to do Bible reading. THIS IS NOT MEANT AS A GUILT OR PRESSURE THING but I just thought I'd send out what I'm doing at the moment in case anyone else is feeling the same way and having even just me be trying to commit-ISH to something with you would be helpful.

And by "Commit-ISH", I mean, pick your own plan, do it at your own pace, just know I'm trying too.

Website is here: http://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-reading-plan/read.aspx

Feel free to forward to whoever!
Love you all. Lots and lots.
Em

PS: In case you DON'T have conversations like that in your head... um... I mean me neither. That'd be so weird and awkward. ..."

where we are.

“The word patience 

means the willingness to stay where we are

and live the situation out to the full

in the belief that something hidden there

will manifest itself to us." 

-Henri Nouwen

Okay, Nouwen,

you've earned my trust over the years.

I'll try this one.

HNGR.

The new interns are out. OH how I love them. I just got an email from my beautiful friend Kym and it made me laugh so much. For all of the angst, HNGR is so crazy and fun.

Bits shared with permission.

"...I sat down with Ruth and she made me some maps so I can walk to a couple places. They're super detailed and funny, like, "turn left at the temple with three golden dragons (not the red ones with gold details--walk past this one!!)" and, "if you get to the sign with the giant chicken YOU'VE GONE TO FAR!! STOP WALKING!"."

"My Thai tutor laughed at me for probably a solid minute today because I can not for the life of me distinguish the difference between the word for shirt and the word for tiger. She swears they're different and I swear she's lying."

"I chased a catfish out from under a bush today (don't ask me how it got there because it wasn't my fault. Mmkay maybe it was a little bit)."

 

Hahahahahaha HNGR.

(Also, this is my quote of the day:
" I almost sent that blog post to you as an email before I posted it, and then I was like, no Kym, that's dumb, and then I was like, but I really want to make sure emily reads it!, and then I was like, of course she's going to read it, Emily's like, reigning queen of the hngr blogosphere, and then i was like, you're being weird and if you send an email to anyone now you're going to freak them out with your weirdness, and then i just posted it and then it was too late."
 I feel so affirmed. Reigning queen, holler.)

(Dear Kym, please come home soon, I miss you. Xoxoxoxo, Emily.)

I Love Meredith.

"You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that."

-Charlotte, Charlotte's Web

E. B. White

Babysitting Fail.

 

When all the calming tricks fail... at least take pictures.

I love being Tia Emily. :-)

.prayer.

"In the strong name of Jesus we bless all that is living,

and recognize in all that lives the reflection of the Word

who said 'Let there be life', and it lives.

Teach us to care for all that is entrusted to us,

and nurture every sign of Your presence.

May the blessing of our love and our strong joy in blessing

call out new growth

in everyone we know and meet. 

Give us a generosity that pushes back the boundaries,

for even death has been defeated by You."

 -my oh-so-beloved book of Celtic Daily Prayer:
"In Relating to the Whole of Life"

Spontaneity Part Two.

Literally as I was buying the tickets for Bolivia, my phone rang. It was my beautiful BFF from high school, Claire.

"Um... what are you doing this weekend?"

Claire lives in Ohio, about six hours away from Wheaton.

We needed to see each other but neither of us had time to do a 12 hour round trip. Hmm...

Some quick googling produced a town roughly halfway between us and a campsite. What more could we ask for?!

I needed to wait to teach the kids, but by 7 pm I'd thrown yoga pants, a toothbrush, and Michael and Lisa's tent (thanks guys! <3) in the car and was good to go.

We found each other around midnight (with soomeee small troubles but God bless kind people at gas stations...), considered setting the tent up in the dark, decided to just make a nest in the car, stayed up late talking, sort of slept...

In the morning, we drove into town and had a long, good breakfast at a cute café.

 

We explored the campgrounds and town, delighted to find out that the area we had happened upon was completely lovely.

We also swam in a lake, but I didn't take pics :-(.

And then we left and drove away in our separate directions. We had spent a total of about 15 hours together. It was so worth it. I love that girl.

(We missed Christina!)

Soooo, on Friday I thought I'd be in America all summer and Wheaton all weekend. By Saturday morning neither was true. For someone who above almost all loves to be in her normal, simple, daily non-grind... I will say that spontaneity can seriously rock.

In praise of spontaneity.

Things which make sense:

Saving money.
Saving time.
Saving emotional energy.

Things which do not make sense:
Blatantly disregarding all of those things.

Except that I have not been able to get these faces out of my mind the past month. Even more than usual.

Except that I have two weeks between work and grad school where TECHNICALLY, I don't have anything to do. I mean, I could be working an extra few days. And checking and re-checking that all my luggage fits in my car.

Except that I have found myself picturing walking the streets of Cochabamba, dancing in the kitchen of Albergue, hugging the staff of Mosoj Yan, laughing in the office, praying with Lindsay, and not just had an "Aww... that was fun" feeling. But instead an "Ohh... I would LOVE to do that" feeling.

Except that yesterday, I got on orbitz.com just to check ticket prices to Bolivia. Theoretically. For fun. Just to tease myself.

And I sent this text to all of my prayer rockers:
"Convince me why I should NOT go to Bolivia for two weeks before moving to Oregon".

And received quite the range of responses. The expected:
"DON'T DO IT! YOU WILL BE SO STRESSED!"
"Hahahahaha... obviously you're not serious, but that's cute"
"You do realize you have NEGATIVE net worth right now"- thank you Chet.

But to my honest surprise... I also received these:
"I'll do no such thing. That would be amazing!"
"Well, okay... but we're honestly not convinced you shouldn't..."
"If you have the money I'm going to say you should go. It'll allow you to maintain connections with people and a time in your life that were very meaningful."

And held three conversations with my mother. 1. "Are you kidding??!!", 2. "I know you'll pray about it and do the right thing." 3. "I think Bolivia is a good idea. When else?"

And the list of details I made that impossibled it out, fell away one by one.

Several very joyful phone- and Skype- calls, and 20-hours-post-first-thought later...

I arrive July 24.

I can't stop smiling.

Nos vemos en Bolivia, mis amigos bonitos. Estoy veniendo!!

.will you say when i'm gone away...

Joy.

laying in bed half-awake, listening to heavy rain and thunder

having three different people in the last four days independently tell me to give myself more grace

grinning babies waiting at the window as i walk up to the house

walking and talking for hours through neighborhoods with heart friends, hands cupped around our drinks as we vent and encourage and laugh and question and enjoy

dads who cuddle and get down on the floor to do puzzles

the way moms kiss their babies' chubby cheeks- how can they love so completely someone they've known only for a matter of weeks? but oh how they do

"Tia Emily! Tia Emily!" hugs around my knees

...oh, oh, oh, oh...

colorful stacks of children's books

and getting so excited as i find just the right one for a kid who loves an animal, a color, a superhero

constant texts requesting prayer, sharing prayer- the crazy web of connection and prayer and affection in which i somehow get to live!!

moms groaning and laughing when i mess up my Spanish

dandelions everywhere- how can something so beautiful be considered a weed??

the huge armchair in front of the picture windows on the second floor of the library

seeing loved ones in love

hearing of wounds being healed

tank tops

...oh, oh, oh, oh...

praying for the outgoing interns... being so proud of them, and remembering these weeks for me two years ago

Psalms 27, 56, 62

trust: "to firmly believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something; to allow someone to have, use, or look after someone or something of importance or value with confidence"

Panera

feeling known in my small group

praying with Christy in my car in the Home Depot parking lot for our interns

five minute phone calls for mutual sanity

Christine and Meghan and Tamara and Meredith

my running shoes hitting the street

a new journal

"the life-giving will and wisdom of God which surrounds us everywhere"

and at the moment, obviously, Iron & Wine.

...light strikes a deal with each coming night,

oh, oh, oh, oh.

"We live as spiritual men when we live as men seeking God.
If we are to become spiritual, we must remain men.

And if there were not evidence of this everywhere in theology,
the Mystery of the Incarnation itself would be ample proof of it.
Why did Christ become Man if not to save men by uniting them mystically with God
through His own Sacred Humanity?

Jesus lived the ordinary life of His time,
in order to sanctify the ordinary lives of men of all time.
If we want to be spiritual, then, let us first of all live our lives...

Let us embrace reality
and thus find ourselves immersed
in the life-giving will and wisdom of God
which surrounds us everywhere."

-Thomas Merton

Praying to remember that today.

speaking of soul-friends and being grateful for couples.

I got to spend the whole evening with Tim and Asharae last night.

They are my favorites.

We talked and talked and talked and listened and listened and listened. For four hours. And they encouraged my heart times 800000 encouragement points. And hopefully I to them. Then we prayed. And swatted mosquitos.

I want to be them when I grow up.

You know it's a soul-friend when.

Recent text message exchange:

Me: "Hey love. Could you pray for me today?"

Tamara: "Definitely. Call if you need me and draw your strength from the Lord. I love you."

Me: "Thanks :-) I'm heading to Starbucks for the winner combo of frap and Bible..."

Tamara: "Yeah girl. God works wonders through Starbucks. And His Word."

We get each other.

Love her.

Why I Love Being In A Small Group with Married Couples.

(Technically, I'm in a small group with one married couple and one engaged couple, but that makes for a clunkier title :-)).

Lately I've been thinking about what a blessing and joy it is for me that I am in close community with lots of couples. Maybe most notably, my weekly small group, which is probably my most "primary" social/faith group this year, consists of Josh and Meghan, who have been married just over a year, Luke and Christine, who are getting married in November, Dawson, and me (we are, as Dawson puts it, "the coolest fifth and sixth wheels ever!" :-)).

Maybe this is a random reason to do a blog post, but it's been turning over in my head a lot. I know a lot of churches have small groups which are separated by marital status. I also have heard some of my single friends talk about it being difficult for them to spend a ton of time with couples. There are great reasons to do small groups "demographically"; and I certainly can't speak to anyone else's pain. But for me it has been so, so great to be a part of this group- in some real ways that would have been lost were it less "coupled off".

So here is a summary of the biggest blessings, for me, of being in a small group with couples.

1. I get to know my friends' significant others.
Christine and Meghan are my true heart friends. Luke and Josh are a part of who they are. Getting to know those men, (besides just the fact that they rock too), means I get to know Christine and Meg better, and love people who are important to them. Being in a small group together, sharing burdens and joys and praying for each other, means that I get to know their husbands on a way deeper level than I would from an occasional game night.

2. I get to know my friends' relationships.
In a Christian wedding ceremony, the officiant asks the congregation: "Will you who are witnessing these vows do everything in your power to uphold and support this couple in their marriage?" And the couple's friends and family answer, "We will".
I vowed that at Josh and Meghan's wedding a year ago. I will stand with Christine and Luke and vow it at theirs in November. This small group helps me to really do it. I get to see their marriages in action- see them interact as a couple, hear what they are going through and how to pray for them. I know their relationships better because of the commitment we have to meeting with each other weekly and the ways we do life together. I learn better how to encourage them. And I am therefore better able to "do everything in my power to uphold and support them in their vows" they make to each other.

3. I get to see more of God's love and His beauty.
"All created beauty, all beauty of nature, the beauty of the sunset, of the sea lying like a mirror beneath the blue sky... all these beauties are but the palest reflection of Yours, my God. All that has ever charmed my eyes in this world is but the poorest, the humblest reflection of Your infinite beauty."
This quote by Charles de Foucauld has been one of my favorites for several years. I think of it practically daily- when I drive past long grasses waving in the wind, when I see my families at work love on their babies; I remind my heart of it when I rejoice in the million immense pieces of beauty in my own life. And this truth comes to my mind often, with great joy, as I watch Josh and Meg and Luke and Christine interact. The way Josh and Meghan love each other, is a reflection of Christ's love. The way Luke and Christine love each other, is a reflection of Christ's love. I get to see the beauty of their love for each other and it is one way I get to know one more bit of Christ's beauty.

And this might be the one that has most significantly changed for me this year:
4. I learn that we are more alike than we are different.
A majority of my close friends, especially in the area, are in serious relationships or married. And not often, but sometimes, I can feel like that means I am Different. That they couldn't understand my struggles and I couldn't understand their joys.
Of course there are joys to marriage I don't get. But through cultivating close relationships with couples, I learn over, and over, and over, that we are so much more alike than we are different. And isn't that such an important part of the Christian life, in general?

In some ways this has just been humbling. It kills off some of my absurd ability to self-pity. It's made me (hopefully) a better friend. I had a great conversation with a friend in a serious relationship recently where she shared some ways she was struggling with insecurity. I was wondering why on earth I hadn't been trying harder to affirm her- she's amazing, and I think that, but I realized I'd been way less intentional with trying to encourage her than I had some other people. Why? Because I assumed because she's in love, she didn't need that from me. Ummm, duh! I felt (deservedly) kind of ridiculous. And am trying to change that thought/action pattern, so I can do a better job loving the people God has put in my life for me to love.

But most importantly, we are the same:
We share with each other what we long for and it is the same: intimacy with Jesus.
We share the ways He shows us His love, and we all have ways. They may be different, but as we talk them out, it seems kind of irrelevant. They are all means to the same end: knowing Christ.

I would have said that before this year, but it's such a blessing to me to get to experience it in a deeper way.


Being in a small group with couples:
a huge source of joy in my year.

we're so bffl.

This conversation tonight made me so happy:

"That reminds me of this thing I read the other day in my study Bible-

oh, I told you about it right?"

"I don't think so..."

"Yeah, my new study Bible! I definitely told you about it.

Your friend's one of the writers."

"My friend? Who?!"

"You know. Your friend. Uhh... what's his name? Your dead friend."

"...Henri Nouwen?"

"Yeah! It has things by him in it."

-with Matt.

I'm glad that Henri Nouwen is thought of as my friend.

(And that I somehow knew who he was referring to?!)

I do love him so!

(Stop what you're doing and go buy a copy of Life of the Beloved... right now.)

song.

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer,

it sings because it has a song."

-Lou Holtz

So cheesy but I lovvee iitt :-).