Three life-giving posts I've seen on the Internet recently.

So many articles and posts and news stories about the most disheartening, sad things.

Sometimes even the responses: beautifully-written reflections, or calls for action,

reflecting truth and justice,

leave me just feeling more overwhelmed by how much bad there is.

(Rock on to those who feel called to seek good through writing them! But:)

My little blog isn't going to say anything new or helpful about those sad things.

Yet leaving lament unsaid feels wrong, too.

As a form of lament, for me, I'm keeping a list of when the Internet shows me something that resonates with me as truly good.
Things I think have comparable

power and poignancy in their goodness

as is found in the stories of cruelty and suffering.

The good stories don't negate the bad ones.

They just exist, also.

For now:

I hope my actions in my daily life grow in mercy-love and justice-doing.

On the social media/Internet front:

Here are

three things I saw online that I found truly, deeply, resonantly good.

(1)

They might actually be very close to a CURE for childhood cancer.

Like a real one. Like maybe IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS.

Like, finding out your kid has cancer could be a bummer, going to need a few weeks of treatment and then they are FINE. Like a cold.

Can you imagine?!

A trial was completed this year with 22 children who all had cancer which was progressing despite every common form of treatment. Like kids whose parents were told "there's nothing more we can do."

AND TWENTY OF THEM ARE NOW FINE.

More info on the treatment here.

How amazing is that?!!!

(2)

The physicist who came up with cosmological inflation theory was proven right;

a worker on the team who finalized the discovery showed up on his doorstep to tell him.

I just LOVE this video (here's another article about it).

I love the expressions on Andrei Linde and his wife's face- I love how the shocks sinks in for her first and she spontaneously gives the guy telling them a hug, while Andrei is still going "What? What? What did you say?!". I love that he found out without any warning that his life's work had been successful. I love imagining how that must have felt. I love that the team member had the idea to go show up and randomly tell him as soon as they found out. I just love it.

Also, the little bit I could comprehend about the theory itself is amazing.

"[Andrei Linde] proposed that our universe is one of a vast – and perhaps infinite – number of inflationary universes that sprout off an eternal cosmic tree, without beginning and without end..."

Um. What. That just....

is so insanely big.

That makes me worship God so much.

(3)

When a teenage girl refused an order to leave a scene,

a cop challenged her to a dance-off.

"..Aaliyah Taylor, a 17-year-old senior at Ballou High School, walked up to the officer

and started playing “Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)” on her phone.

Then she did the Nae Nae dance..

.

The officer, according to Taylor, laughed

and said she had far better dance moves than that."

"...For Taylor, she said the dance-off marked her first positive interaction with police officers in her neighborhood.

She has six sisters and one brother and, according to Taylor, all have been arrested or detained for non-violent offenses like breaking curfew.

Taylor, who said she’s never been arrested, recalls her siblings saying that the officers acted unnecessarily rude and rough during their arrests.

Those experiences, Taylor said, had shaped her perception of police officers.

“I thought all cops were cruel because that’s how I saw them,” Taylor said.

“I’ve now seen there are good cops out there.”

In a different article, Aaliyah Taylor was quoted as saying:

“Instead of us fighting,

she tried to turn it around and make it something fun,”

The cop was reached but refused to be named because she didn't want to make the story about her;

her boss simply said she is someone "known as a hard worker and committed to policing."

Not only is this just, lovely and wonderful,

it also is a perfect example of one of my favorite attachment principles:

playfulness builds relational bonds AND lowers the stress hormones that impede learning.

There are some really good things happening.

mistakes and flowers.

i messed up at work last week. i got stage fright in an important meeting and totally choked on explaining details that mattered. i recovered, other people covered for me and the person most affected by the outcome of the meeting had way more important things to deal with and i doubt even noticed.

but i was SO UPSET.

i did the things i think we should do when we make mistakes:

i fixed it as best i could.

i owned it in the debrief, and i apologized sincerely.

i am genuinely feeling better about it today, because i didn't make the same mistake at a meeting this morning.

even though officially all is well,

i'm working on some ways to fix it even more in the days to follow.

but.

i really, really hate making mistakes.

i SUCK at keeping my "mistakes are good" rule in my own heart. 

i'm realizing more and more what a strange, closet perfectionist i am. i hide it because i am totally fine with being nothing close to perfect or best at things i don't care about, or don't think i should be good at.

i don't care about running fast, getting especially high grades, sewing straight seams, and i clearly don't care about cleaning my house before people come over. i enthusiastically speak my undoubtedly grammatically incorrect Spanish to every patient Mexican friend or acquaintance i have. i invite everyone and their mom over to try recipes i've never made before, figuring that if i wreck it i can just order us all pizza.

i can even give myself a decent amount of learning curve space with something brand new... 

but a mistake in an area important to me,

that i "shouldn't" have made?

i will lie awake at nights, man.

i've been ruminating on how maybe the most effective way to teach my girls that mistakes are good and God loves us when we make mistakes,

is not necessarily making them repeat it over and over,

but letting them see me make mistakes and be truly okay with them.

sooo... it would probably be easiest to "let them see me" do something...

that i actually can do.

i guess i should continue this "hard look" process at what feels so very not okay to me about making mistakes.

i'll keep y'all posted.

******

stories from two important people in my life helped me the next day.

i spoke on the phone with a close friend, one of the most intelligent and hard-working people i know. he sympathized with my story, mentioning casually he'd made a mistake at work last week too.

his mistake cost his company the amount of money that could buy...

could buy...

it's significantly more than i made in an entire year at my first full-time job. the one that was a good job with benefits.

hurray for what Brene Brown calls the shame-defeating power of "me, too"...

and miss hannah took a rough spill off her bike this week :-(.

involving lots of blood, a possibly broken tailbone, a sprained thumb,

and a trip to urgent care.

my poor baby!

amy asked her if she was going to be scared to ride her bike again.

"...She looked at me like i was crazy and said, "Um, no! Riding my bike is fun. I just need to learn how to use my hand breaks better."

girlfriend inspires me.

*****

back to work, lady.

mistakes are good because they're how we learn.

god loves us even when we make mistakes,

and can redeem them all

no matter how many or few zeros were attached.

riding my bike (or sewing, cooking, hostessing, therapizing, or meeting-facilitating) is fun.

i just need to learn to use my handbreaks better.

i'll keep practicing,

and then i will continue to enjoy the ride.

********

ps.

i still really, really hate making mistakes. i wish i were perfect.

*******

and on another note,

here are some pictures of recent major perks of a part-time job gardening.

I'm in love, I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it!!!

A semi-regular glance at this blog would suggest that it is about:
Jesus, poetry, family and friends, and reflections on a small, happy life.

It's not.

It's about what brings me joy.

And I wrestled with posting about this because I prefer to pretend
I only love everything above.

But:

I HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.

The Sci-fi show that ran from 2004-2008.

I am so deeply enamored, on so many levels

that I've been alternately embarrassed/concerned.

IS THIS NORMAL?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

First of all,

it's a TV show.

I like relaxing to Grey's or Bones on Netflix like the next girl,
 but I've certainly never considered buying posters of my favorite shows' casts to hang in my house...
before now.

Second of all,

It's called BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.
HELLO.

THIRD of all...

I am IN LOVE. ENAMORED.
(I started to write "obsessed", but that gives the wrong image. I've been obsessed with unpleasant things before. This is a happy and joyful obsession.)

Like, I've journaled about it IN MY PRAYER JOURNAL twice in the last ten days.
I brought it up as an example in class.
...I have on more than occasion had to catch myself before I started talking about it in response to the question "What's new".
Weird. Pathetic?
Right?!

I was reassured, however, during one of my many recent google searches about the show's history (are you seeing this?!), to discover that this is apparently a common phenomenon.

All of my (normal, thoughtful, engaged-in-life) friends who've seen it immediately validated my experience.
"Oh, of course you're obsessed. That's what happens."
"We lost months of our life to that show. It was great."
"So have you reached the Battlestar-evangelist phase yet?"
(at which point I pulled out my phone and showed them the multiple texts I'd sent to multiple friends that day begging them to start watching it.)

THIS SHOW IS MAGIC.

I'm in love! I'm in love! And I don't care who knows it!

So.
My spring-in-small-town-Oregon life...

is filled with lit candles, rising bread dough made with home-grown herbs,
sewing projects and walks past vineyards and small children doing crafts upstairs and friends over for dinner.

And in my home, right next to the fresh flowers in a vase on the windowsill and the twinkly lights strung all over...

you very well may soon see a giant poster of the Battlestar cast, hung up with pride.

(Do you think I should tattoo one of Kara Thrace's quotes on my body somewhere? Oh gosh I just love her.)

sunlight, friends, the new town bakery.

flowers outside my kitchen window.

saturday project.

Super B...est friend.

Me:

"I just can. not. understand. why people care SO much about who wins a football game."

Mary:

"Oh, you can too. Think about how you feel watching Grey's Anatomy. 

Or reading Little Women.

We care about fictional characters dying;

they care about football.

It's like a story for them...

the story of... a team. Or something."

One, I just love her.

Two, that actually did really make the whole sports thing make more sense to me.

Me knitting while "watching" the game with friends last night.

"Do the things! Win the points!"

Morning long-distance family time.

.the weather outside is frightful but the fire is so delightful.

Easy cure for the Monday blues:

a stop at the dollar store for Christmas apparel

and dinner with joy-bringing friends.

who could be crabby looking at this?!

Grateful today:

hot tea and candlelight.

a supportive team.

living near cousins.

a night building bookshelves.

this song.

this one comes tomorrow.

.first day of the semester tomorrow...

.and it's a big sweet life, it's a big sweet life.

simple joys.

.hangin out.

Chaco tan lines.

What am I, some sort of wizard?

Cass in my cohort emailed this graph to me today.

It describes my adult life with such accuracy that it's slightly frightening.

.HNGR girls.

Three years later and we're still rocking the stereotype...

matching long flowy skirts today, without even planning it.

Don't miss her Indian-print scarf...

and you can't see them, but I'm totes wearing my Chacos.

.recent knitting project.

it's called a saxon braid!

so fun to do.

and super hard. don't look too close. many mistakes!

it's arrived at its destination,

so i can post pictures now...

pattern: i changed it a lot, but it's based off of this one.

yarn: caron simply soft in bone.

I planted primroses.

Because we all need a little extra color in our lives in January.

woof woof

hi emily this is megegegegeg
i am your grandma
yoyoyo
i love you
you are my seester
weeeeeeeeeeeee
for christmas we baked cookies and painted pottery and watched a movie
we had a delicious dinner and hung out
our family rocks
you are too cool for school
if anyone can send me skittles send them to meeee

(Em here. This post guest-written and titled by my beautiful baby sister, Meg.)

Pic above: me and my gorgeous sisters on Christmas eve. I'm a lucky girl.

.live a quiet life and work with your hands.

i am extremely excited that i just bought this print
from tanamachi studio.

it's roughly 2 X 3 feet on high quality black cardstock,

and i can't wait to hang it in the hallway of my little home.

why i am so excited...

point number one...
this verse has been so important to me.

"we urge you to love one another more and more,
and to aspire to live quietly,
and to mind your own affairs,
and to work with your hands."
1 thes 4:13

i am bad at being global or exciting or cool.

(ok, i lived in bolivia for seven months.
but that was out of character.
and what did i do there?
i cuddled and chopped vegetables. i mean really.)

i am bad at doing 'important' things.

i like:
small town life and walks and hugs and creating safe spaces and talking and listening and laughing and drinking warm beverages with the people i love and looking at pine trees and trying to be faithful and finding joy in the mundane.

and time and again i come back to those very words...
i couldn't believe i was seeing so beautifully written out (i found it on pinterest, no less!).
live quietly. work with your hands.
it's in God's word.
a quiet, unassuming life, doing small beautiful things...
is good.

point number two:
it's so beautiful!!!
and it is made of CHALK
which is a look i'm all about right now
(i made a chalkboard for my kitchen and i LOVE IT)...

and it has all over it
(oh be still my heart)
pine cones.
and wildflowers.
and wheat.

oh hey let's design a print for emily goldberg oh ok thanks.

point. number. three.
by far not third in importance.
through 2012,
all the proceeds go to long-term aftercare for survivors of sex trafficking
through Restore NYC:
"we believe... in God's desire and power to transform".

which is why i'm posting it here.
in case you or someone you know would also love this print
all proceeds will go to be a blessing in an amazing way.
(and a way which is so important to me.
see bolivia, above.)

it comes in four colors and each color, i just noticed, goes to a different organization.
(i LOVE this artist.)
red goes to helping kids in kenya.
green goes to ending gun violence.
blue goes to victims of Hurricane Sandy.

you can purchase one here.
if you order it by tomorrow shipping is guaranteed by Christmas.

point number four.
i find people who design and create amazing.
i am so not an artist.
yet maybe it's having my own home for the first time,
and wanting people to feel safe and rested in this space..
this year i've been all about noticing and creating beauty.
it rocks.
influenced no doubt by my decade of best friendship with an incredible artist
and spending my summer with two more,
art just makes me amazed.
i see God's creativity reflected through people who create.

i spent too much time today stalki- i mean googling the artist,
dana tanamachi...
annnnnd now i love the print even more.
she has an incredible story-
check out this article in the Wall Street Journal
and this fabulous interview in The Great Discontent.

she loves Jesus
and she listed her favorite book as Celebration of Discipline by richard foster.
richard foster who is my second favorite author after henri nouwen
(well tied with wendell berry... and maybe madeleine l'engle)
and who USED TO BE THE PASTOR OF MY CHURCH HERE.
she talks about how her work comes out of the Christian values
of simplicity, solitude, contemplation, and celebration.
i want to be her best friend.
i always love art + music + words more when i know the person's story
(take for example, the weepies...)

So.
In Case You Were Unsure.
In Conclusion...
I Am Really Excited About My New Print.

let's just look at it again.



happy finals week.

.soul food.

I made a retro-active budget today... I went through my checking account records for the last few months and split up everything I'd bought to see where my money went.

I excluded rent and textbooks, and put the rest in basic categories:

"Coffee (Chapters)", "Coffee (other)", "Books", "Going out to eat for fun", "Going out to eat because I didn't plan well" (clearly very different), "Fabric store", and "Because I am an idiot" (under which would fall a new cell phone because I somehow lost mine on a ten-minute errand and tragically late library books, among other things).

I was pleasantly surprised that for the amount of books I bought this semester (oops), the total wasn't too astronomical... yay for buying used!

So just now I may have accidentally bought another one I've had my eye on for awhile upon noticing there was a crazy-inexpensive copy on Amazon.

Justifying it to myself in my head,

"I mean, okay... I didn't really need this. And I need to save money the rest of the term...

but books weren't even the biggest part of where my money went this semester.

I spent WAY more money getting groceries.

Really, I should just buy less food."

It took me a good few seconds to realize I had actually just
articulated that to myself without a twinge of irony.

(In my currently-reading basket by my big chair currently:

rereading A Circle of Quiet

working my way through the stories in Fidelity

rereading One Thousand Gifts
The Whole-Brain Child for Lisa's book group)

 (Edited to add:

In the ten minutes since writing this post,

I may have bought one more.

Oops.

All right, I have a problem.)

.how we roll.

 

 

have i mentioned i love fall?