"This is about whether we treat them the way we’d want our own kids to be treated."

"Immigration can be a controversial topic. We all want safe, secure borders and a dynamic economy, and people of goodwill can have legitimate disagreements about how to fix our immigration system so that everybody plays by the rules.


But that’s not what the action that the White House took today is about. This is about young people who grew up in America – kids who study in our schools, young adults who are starting careers, patriots who pledge allegiance to our flag. These Dreamers are Americans in their hearts, in their minds, in every single way but one: on paper. They were brought to this country by their parents, sometimes even as infants. They may not know a country besides ours. They may not even know a language besides English. They often have no idea they’re undocumented until they apply for a job, or college, or a driver’s license.


Over the years, politicians of both parties have worked together to write legislation that would have told these young people – our young people – that if your parents brought you here as a child, if you’ve been here a certain number of years, and if you’re willing to go to college or serve in our military, then you’ll get a chance to stay and earn your citizenship. And for years while I was President, I asked Congress to send me such a bill.


That bill never came. And because it made no sense to expel talented, driven, patriotic young people from the only country they know solely because of the actions of their parents, my administration acted to lift the shadow of deportation from these young people, so that they could continue to contribute to our communities and our country. We did so based on the well-established legal principle of prosecutorial discretion, deployed by Democratic and Republican presidents alike, because our immigration enforcement agencies have limited resources, and it makes sense to focus those resources on those who come illegally to this country to do us harm. Deportations of criminals went up. Some 800,000 young people stepped forward, met rigorous requirements, and went through background checks. And America grew stronger as a result.


But today, that shadow has been cast over some of our best and brightest young people once again. To target these young people is wrong – because they have done nothing wrong. It is self-defeating – because they want to start new businesses, staff our labs, serve in our military, and otherwise contribute to the country we love. And it is cruel. What if our kid’s science teacher, or our friendly neighbor turns out to be a Dreamer? Where are we supposed to send her? To a country she doesn’t know or remember, with a language she may not even speak?


Let’s be clear: the action taken today isn’t required legally. It’s a political decision, and a moral question. Whatever concerns or complaints Americans may have about immigration in general, we shouldn’t threaten the future of this group of young people who are here through no fault of their own, who pose no threat, who are not taking away anything from the rest of us. They are that pitcher on our kid’s softball team, that first responder who helps out his community after a disaster, that cadet in ROTC who wants nothing more than to wear the uniform of the country that gave him a chance. Kicking them out won’t lower the unemployment rate, or lighten anyone’s taxes, or raise anybody’s wages.


It is precisely because this action is contrary to our spirit, and to common sense, that business leaders, faith leaders, economists, and Americans of all political stripes called on the administration not to do what it did today. And now that the White House has shifted its responsibility for these young people to Congress, it’s up to Members of Congress to protect these young people and our future. I’m heartened by those who’ve suggested that they should. And I join my voice with the majority of Americans who hope they step up and do it with a sense of moral urgency that matches the urgency these young people feel.


Ultimately, this is about basic decency. This is about whether we are a people who kick hopeful young strivers out of America, or whether we treat them the way we’d want our own kids to be treated. It’s about who we are as a people – and who we want to be.


What makes us American is not a question of what we look like, or where our names come from, or the way we pray. What makes us American is our fidelity to a set of ideals – that all of us are created equal; that all of us deserve the chance to make of our lives what we will; that all of us share an obligation to stand up, speak out, and secure our most cherished values for the next generation. That’s how America has traveled this far. That’s how, if we keep at it, we will ultimately reach that more perfect union."






-Barack Obama

the trembling thought.

...for Thou hast stirred the trembling thought

that man is not alone.

-from this,

ht: Mere and Everett

To affirm means to declare the truth of something, and to offer support and encouragement.

 My pastor and friend, Gregg Koskela, wrote and shared this on his blog this week. Of all of the millions of words written by Christians on gay marriage, I'm not sure I've read anything I love more.

It is good to name what we do affirm.

"We are in unity and we affirm our love for persons who identify as LGBTQ (both in and out of [our community].)

We are in unity and we affirm that all people, including those who identify as LGBTQ, are made in God’s image and can hear and respond to the Holy Spirit, the Light within.

We are in unity and we affirm that sexual intimacy is a gift of God, both for procreation and to build and sustain bonds of mutual love and respect between a man and a woman in a marriage relationship.

Where Friends are in disagreement is in our understanding of God’s direction for how sexual intimacy should be practiced outside of a marriage between a man and a woman. Some among us believe the Bible and the historic church clearly teach celibacy for those who are not in a heterosexual marriage. Some among us believe the Spirit’s leading and the Bible allow sexual intimacy to be practiced in a committed marriage, regardless of gender.

We acknowledge the extreme difficulty of a life of celibacy, and affirm that it is possible only through God’s sustaining power.  We acknowledge the difficulty involved when a largely heterosexual group interprets God’s will for those in the sexual minority.

So as we wait for God’s Spirit to bring us to unity, we also wish to humble ourselves before God in confession and repentance.

We confess that in the past and the present, our words and actions have not always matched our professed love for persons who identify as LGBTQ. We repent of this, and we ask forgiveness from those who have been hurt.

We confess that we have not always upheld the value of the person as we have condemned certain sexual behaviors. We repent of this, and we ask forgiveness from those who have been hurt.

We confess that we have not always obeyed Jesus’ command to be like the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). We have walked on the other side of the road as LGBTQ persons have died of AIDS, been bullied, harassed, abused, murdered, and committed suicide. We repent of this, and we ask forgiveness.

Have mercy, Lord Jesus."

I chose not to bold anything because I wanted everyone who read it to notice what they would notice. Here are some of the statements that stood out to me the most:

"We are in unity and we affirm that all people, including those who identify as LGBTQ, are made in God’s image and can hear and respond to the Holy Spirit, the Light within."

"We acknowledge the difficulty involved when a largely heterosexual group interprets God’s will for those in the sexual minority."

"We also wish to humble ourselves before God." 

"We have walked on the other side of the road as LGBTQ persons have died of AIDS, been bullied, harassed, abused, murdered, and committed suicide." 

"Have mercy, Lord Jesus." 

(I wrote some on this here.)

Praying today.

When I don't know what to pray, this book's words are so helpful for orienting my heart.


"In the strong name of Jesus
we bless all that is living,
and recognize in all that lives
the reflection of the Word
who said,
'Let there be life',
and it lives.

Teach us to care for
all that is entrusted to us,
and nurture every sign of Your presence.

May the blessing of our love
and our strong joy in blessing
call out new growth
in everyone we know and meet."

-from "Ninian- In relating to the whole of life"

but looking, and touching, and loving.

"Understand, I am always trying to figure out

what the soul is,

and where hidden,

and what shape-

and so, last week,

when I found on the beach

the ear bone

of a pilot whale that may have died

hundreds of years ago, I thought

maybe I was close

to discovering something-

...I believe I will never quite know.

Though I play at the edges of knowing,

truly I know

our part is not knowing,

but looking, and touching, and loving."

-Mary Oliver, "Bone"

.peace of all peace be mine this night.

"At St. John's I discovered the true purpose of vespers, which is to let my body tell me, at the end of a workday, just how tired I am...

[I'd sometimes] recall the maternal mercy of Abba Poemen,

who when he was asked about the problem of monks falling asleep during communal prayers, had said,

'For my part, when I see a brother who is dozing, I put his head on my knees and let him rest.'

Sitting in the choir, in the wooden seats that hadn't seemed so hard at morning prayer, or at noon or at Mass,

I would realize that I'd been running for hours on nervous energy.

Grateful for the quiet flow of vespers that had nudged me into acknowledging my weary state,

I'd become more willing to do what my body asked of me:

let the day suffice,

with all its joys and failings,

its little triumphs and defeats.

I'd happily, if sleepily, welcome evening as a time of rest, and let it slip away, losing nothing."

-Kathleen Norris,

The Cloister Walk

.for God Himself.

"...Contemplation is not an ultimate goal.

It is still only an experiential contact with God,

and we are not created for this experience,

nor for any thing, however sublime;

we are created for God Himself."

                                                                    -Sister Thelma Hall, Too Deep for Words

Newberg, on my way home from the grocery store,
1/23/14

Rural, small-town, Quaker church.

As a glimpse into life in mine,

here are a few excerpts from our statement explaining
"Some convictions about gathered worship"...

"...Silence is a practice and a value."

"...believing that God fills each moment, we don't rush from activity to activity..."

"...giving opportunity for all to express their giftedness."

"Know our goal is a non-hierarchical, egalitarian community."

"We want our community to teach one another, believing God can speak through anyone."

"Wrestle thoughtfully..."

"Remember that worship is richer when there are more people involved..."

"Encourage interaction..."

"...in each gathering [make] time set aside for silence..."

So here's what I learned last night

about attending the business meeting of such a church.

1) For the love of all that is good and holy: Bring knitting.

Wrestling thoughtfully,
not rushing from moment to moment,

creating space for participation from babies in arms to octogenarians in wheelchairs and everyone in between,

believing long periods of silent listening are an essential part of prayer,

and being willing to put a major decision off til next year if "all hearts are not clear"...

does not a brief meeting make.

2) Be ready to leave so very, very grateful

to be learning from and loving in

this thoughtful, honest, praying,

caring, trusting, faithful

community in which I somehow landed.

.oh come to us, abide with us, our Lord Emmanuel.

Dear Lord, I have swept and I have washed but

still nothing is as shining as it should be

for you. Under the sink, for example, is an

uproar of mice- it is the season of their

many children. What shall I do? And under the eaves

and through the walls the squirrels

have gnawed their ragged entrances- but it is the season

when they need shelter, so what shall I do? And

the raccoon limps into the kitchen and opens the cupboard

while the dog snores, the cat hugs the pillow;

what shall I do? Beautiful is the new snow falling

in the yard and the fox who is staring boldly

up the path, to the door. And still I believe you will

come, Lord: you will, when I speak to the fox,

the sparrow, the lost dog, the shivering sea-goose, know

that really I am speaking to you whenever I say,
as I do all morning and afternoon: Come in, Come in.

-Mary Oliver

local hot buttered rum recipe: my new favorite drink.

brown paper packages; love written and sent.

seven-years-running inside jokes.

new and life-giving friendship with sweet neighbors across the street.

Know that in all these things,

really I am speaking to You.

I need Advent.

I need Advent so much.

Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, was absolutely lovely. Filled with joy on every side.

I started the day with a pumpkin pie latte at a coffee shop and FaceTiming with my family in Maryland.

I spent a cozy, wonderful day with the Fawvers, which in no way felt like being with "someone else's" family, but like I was with a much-beloved branch of mine (that I just only happened to find when I moved here).

 i love wassail!

I finished the evening with Brandon and Korie and their family, friends I adore and kids whose Halloween costumes I sewed and grandparents in whose home I am invited to weekly Sunday dinners.

Miss two-and-a-half wanted to have a "girl party" in the hallway.

All day, my phone rang and buzzed with love and thankfulness to and from friends in other places.

That night I felt achingly lonely.

Some context here: I had seven different invitations to do Thanksgiving with friends in town. Two invitations to spend the weekend with out-of-state friends within driving distance. My parents and siblings did not hold back their earnest declarations of loving me and missing me and wishing I was there.

I am grateful I felt lonely after a day when my presence being wanted could not possibly have been expressed any more. It made it easy to see the ridiculousness:

My heart told me, "You're not welcome. There is not a space special for you.", and my mind listed the obvious counterexamples and basically said, "You are an idiot. Stop."

The contrast told me, with gracious clarity:

I need God to love me.

All of the love anyone could want or ask for

is not enough to convince me, deep deep deep down,

that I am wanted enough,

or want-able enough,

or invited into a space just for me.

I spent most of this past week working on an Advent project. I am so so excited about it.

For days I have been immersed in all of my favorite quotes about Advent, and Christmas. First compiling them and then leafing through the dozens (literally) I had scrawled out on index cards, and then categorizing them, and then slowly copying them out.

Hours of the past week were filled with reading and re-reading words from the Christmas carols, from Madeleine L'Engle, Henri Nouwen, Bonhoeffer, from the Gospel of John, about Christmas:

about what it means.

About God coming to be with us.

Thank goodness.

Advent is a good, good season for my heart.

The simple message of the Incarnation: And the Word became flesh, and made His home among us:

it is the affirmation I need.

It is so good to know that God came.

It is so good to know He is with me.

It is so good to know He chose to be with us.

It is balm for a crazy heart that all the love in the world can't fill quite up.

I need the message of this season. I am so thankful it is here.

"The celebration of Advent is possible only to those who are troubled in soul,

who know themselves to be poor and imperfect,

who look forward to something greater to come.

The Holy One Himself comes down to us,

God in the child in the manger.

God comes.

The Lord Jesus comes.

Christmas comes.

Christians rejoice!...

We are no longer alone.

God is with us."

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Christmas 1928

.a little extra reality.

my feelings got hurt this weekend.

this morning i got sick of being mature

and instead decided to be snarky.

a wise friend gently reminded me that the other person's actions are coming out of their own hurt.

i saw my own unkindness

and felt genuinely sorry for assigning motives.

she then gently reminded me it was coming out of my own hurt ;-).

so i am going to go replace my hurt with a pumpkin latte and a marionberry scone,

because i think they will produce better fruit in my life.

(if the purpose of this post wasn't to provide a no-image-control glimpse of my life,

i'd also tag on needing to hide in God to replace my hurt.

without a doubt, i need God to set my heart to His and to tell me of His love for me and others.

which He will do.

through a pumpkin latte and a marionberry scone.)

hard weeks, tea, prayer books, toddlers in tutus.

last week was hard.

one evening my plan had been to run five miles.

i figured that would also give me the chance to "pray through" everything.

yay.

what i really, really wanted to do

was get into bed early and watch bones reruns.

so i compromised.

i walked the 2/3 mile into town for a mug of hot tea and a little time in a prayer book.

it was a good decision.

sometimes compromises can be just right.

...the peace of all peace be mine this night,

in the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit. amen.

*******

this weekend was lovely.

case in point;

someone was very happy about her chocolate cake tonight.

I love it!

 Do not take it.

 I know I am cute.

...and this picture was just my favorite.

.we begin.

With the energy we have,

we begin the day,

watching and waiting and hoping.

We wait,

not clear about our waiting.

But filled with a recklessness,

daring to imagine

that You are not finished yet-

so we wait,

patiently, impatiently,

restlessly, confidently,

quaking and fearful,

boldly and daring...

Attend to us- by attending in power and in mercy,

remake this alien world into our proper home.

-Walter Brueggemann

(grateful for prayerbooks

with which to start fall rhythms.)

.a friend.

This week, our community is mourning Bob,

a wonderful man who spent his life loving God and loving people.

He passed away on Thursday.

He was the much-loved husband of Marcile and the grandpa of my friend Jay.

I was blessed to be in Bob and Marcile's small group since shortly after I arrived in Newberg,

and I've learned so much from them about faithfulness, endurance, and prayer.

Bob, you will be missed.

me with Bob and Marcile at my housewarming party last summer

Behind all my asking.

"Dear Father God,

I feel like I ask for so many things.

But You bid me ask.

And behind all my asking

is the deeper longing for You."

-Richard Foster,

Prayers from the Heart

.my stomach hurts.

"The verdict in the George Zimmerman trial...

told my sons that anyone with a gun

has the right to kill them

if he feels afraid for his life in their presence."

.legacy.

I reach up to tip the rearview mirror down, angling it so that I can catch her eyes in the back seat. I smile and wink at her reflection. She grins back. At the red light, I reach my hand behind me and wiggle my fingers, and she slaps me a high five.

We hold hands and swing them between us as we walk, and as we walk into the coffee shop to get her hot chocolate before school I sing silly songs with her name in them.

I teach my girls the "I love you" sign in ASL and flash it across the room.
I display their notes and pictures all over my house.
I make a big deal over every haircut or school event.

Every trick for connection,

for making a child feel special,

learned from my mother.

******

One of my girls is complaining how much she hates reading.
I ask her if she knows my rule. "What rule?"

Her friend jumps in. "Any time we want to go, Emily will take us to the library.

And if you need to do your 15 minutes a day for summer reading, any time,

if you call her she will make time to read to you, or you can read at her house.

It's her book rule."

Let your growing self be formed by these characters. By these morals shown through story. Learn to open your mind. Make friends with timelessness in a way that will stay important to you the rest of your life- I have the bookshelves wrapping their way around my tiny house and the heart that is strengthened and comforted by familiar words, to prove it. Experience them with me, my voice reading to you or yours to me, teach me about your favorite parts, because sharing a book connects people all the way down to their hearts.

My dad. All the way.

*******

"I am the luckiest friend in the whole world," I exclaim to them as we start off on a date, as they bake in my kitchen, as I pick them up from school when their parents have to be somewhere.

"I am the luckiest girl that I live here where you are", "So lucky"

...that I get to be the one to do Bible study with you, to have you at my house, to see you in your school play.

Both of my parents. Always. It was the refrain of my childhood.

It is the knowledge underlying what I think when I look in the mirror or get my heart broken,

and it's the reason their numbers are dialed and answered multiple times a week by their 20-something children.

"I am such a lucky mom that you're my girl!"

"What a lucky dad I am, to be with you today!"

"We must be the luckiest parents in the whole world, that we got you."

******

"Can we get ice cream on the way home?", when we've already been out for something fun.

"Will you take me to the park today?", when I had been looking forward to a quiet afternoon at home.

"Let's have an adventure tonight!", when high schoolers mean "starting at nine" and I think, "I would love to be in bed by nine."

I think of Matt, with a full-time corporate job, spending his weekend nights driving an hour each way at 2 in the morning to take us to IHOP, even after hours of youth group games. I think of how loved and special I felt that adults would spend time with us, and what richness it is that I learned early to share memories of laughter with my spiritual community.

And I dig to find it in me,

to do just one more fun thing before going home today.

******

My little girls sleep over and when I tuck them in I pray over them. My big girls meet me for morning coffee and I pray over them as I drive them to the high school. We text prayer requests back and forth. I learn from their prayers, their struggles and joys, their conversations with Him. I hope so hard that they feel His love for them in mine.

Remembering always the warmth I knew from Mary Wolf as a college sophomore praying over my 14 year old heart and as a glowing new bride praying over my 17 year old heart and now I get to pray with her as she rocks her own babies 3000 miles away. And I think of her prayers and how they have carried me, and I text my girls just one more time.

******

"Can I come over? I'll bring homework."

I look around at my mess- dishes in the sink and fabric all over the floor and I'll have to be doing homework, too, while she's here.

I look around at my mess- I was sad deep in my heart today over old wounds, and jealous of a close friend, and there's too much dust on the cover of my Bible. 

Can she come over?

Could that really give anything to this girl, to nestle into this space, just a messy lived in space, to know a little better this heart, just a messy living heart?

And my smiling second family rises in my mind, their tumbling-over-each-other dinner table conversations and laundry basket on the couch and full calendar, their real marriage and real child-raising and real hugs and real prayers and real forgiveness and real relationships with a real God.

Come in. Make yourself at home in my house and my life, and may He offer you whatever He can out of my fearful opening.

******

to whom much is given, much is required.

but what i have i've offered.

a long day of sad appointments yesterday.

feeling so privileged to be a witness to these families' strength,
wishing so hard to be able to fix their situations,

...and then making goal charts to get a library card and practice deep breathing.

i wrote this when i worked for Head Start...

i go back over and over to the truth in sara groves' song:

there are other glories besides winning battles.

there is beauty and goodness in joining in long defeats.

*******

from October 2010

My sweet friend sits on my couch and cries, for the kids she loves so deeply and works so hard to help. For the lives they return to every night after they leave the after-school program she runs: lives of absent parents, of poverty, of drugs and violence. She cries, and there is no solution to tell her. I hold her hand and she tells me their stories and I hear in her voice and her tears the same realization I am coming to.

So often after a visit full of laughter and finger-painting, when an 18-month-old runs to hug my legs when I walk in the door or a two-year-old knows all his colors, when I make a run to the dentist to act as translator or we successfully get a mom her insurance card, I get that rush of exultation. "YES! This is why I do this job, this is what it's all about."

Except that last week I sat at a kitchen table, while a strong and capable mom wept. They left Mexico because it is so violent, she tells me, they could not let their children grow up there, scared to leave the house. But here they are, without papers, without rights, without money. Without language, without their families- it is too dangerous to go back to visit even a relative dying of cancer, even for a beloved sister's wedding. She weeps with me, finally, this mom whose adorable and thriving kids come home every day to a clean house and her warm hug and help with their homework, because she does everything to protect them. I hold her hand, too... I grasp and pray for something helpful. I tell her she's a good mom... and then I finally just tell her that I'm sorry. And then we just sit together. I have no words for her, either.

Later, in my car, I am silent, even to myself and to God. Because she did not say, "And then, you came and started doing educational activities with my toddler and now our lives are SO MUCH BETTER!!!!".

Yes, it is a good thing, it is an addition. Tamara's after-school program is a good thing, it is an addition. But my "This is what it's all about, this is why we do these jobs!" mindset is changing. It has to be. Because then what do we have, when the strong mom is finally weeping with me about how she doesn't think she can take it anymore- and I have no power to get them the immigration papers they need to make a real better life? What do we have when Tamara helps the kids with their homework- and then they go home to filth and alcohol? If it's "all about" when we win, is it worthless when we can't?


If our hope is based on success, it will fail. Mine did, after Bolivia. I had thought that I was a hopeful person; no. I was optimistic. They are not the same thing. I'm still figuring out what hope is. But it can't be optimism. Sometimes you have love and prayer and hard work- and young parents still weep and children are still not safe. Thank God that sometimes things are made better on earth. But Lord, change my heart, that I fight Your battles because they are Yours, not because I will win. Show us Your heart, here.

Give me gratitude for the privilege of participating.

Give us strength to continue, and to find joy in the long defeat.

"i have joined the long defeat
that falling set in motion
and all my strength and energy
are raindrops in the ocean
so conditioned for the win
to share in victory's story
but in the place of ambition's din
i have heard of other glories."-sara groves, "the long defeat"

poem.

Keep walking, though there's no place to get to.

Don't try to see through the distances.

That's not for human beings. Move within,

but don't move the way fear makes you move.

Today, like every other day, we wake up empty

and frightened. Don't open the door to the study

and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.

Let the beauty we love be what we do.

There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

                                                                       -Rumi

Poetry is such a gift to me.

I love how it helps me pray,

and what depth it adds to my understanding of/interactions with

life and world.

My unoriginal post title was because I loved too many phrases in this to pick one.

These excerpts shared with me by this year's HNGR intern at Mosoj Yan, Heather.

I think Rumi is going to be my new obsession. I know what book I'm coveting!

Known.

Last night, the grown-ups lounged around the living room, laughing and chatting after a full and delicious Sunday dinner.

We could hear running and shouting and the jumping off of bunkbeds coming from the three kids playing in the back bedroom.

All of a sudden the two-year-old came running in, looking distressed. She threw herself on Korie's chest, words tumbling out urgently, too fast and toddler-spoken for me to make them out.

Korie, still looking up and laughing at something Brandon had said, smoothed her hair. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

She repeated her question, more urgently, more distressed.

"What is your name?". Korie looked amused and confused. "Well, what is your name?"

The tiny girl stared at her very seriously.

"I can't remember."

Korie got solemn.

She put her hands on her daughter's cheeks and looked deeply into her eyes.

She told her her name.

The baby's shoulders visibly relaxed and she smiled. All distress gone, she immediately dashed off to find her big brother and cousin and resume playing.

The person who loves her best had reminded her of who she was. All was well.

"...He is the one who can tell us the reason for our existence,

our place in the scheme of things, our real identity...

how we have chased around the world for answers to that riddle,

looked in the eyes of others for some hint, some clue,

hunted in the multiple worlds of pleasure and experience and self-fulfillment

for some glimpse, some revelation, some wisdom, some authority

to tell us our right name and our true destination...

but there was, and is, only One who can tell us this:

the Lord Himself...

He will whisper it to us

not in the mad rush and fever of our striving

and our fierce determination to be someone,

but rather when we are content to rest in Him,

to put ourselves into His keeping, into His hands."

-Emilie Griffin,

in Clinging