Annual Library Used-Book Sale

Total: $7.

Score!

Currently Pondering.

Thinking of these two quotes on a daily or multiple-times-daily basis these days,

• "They were helped in fighting them, and God handed the Hagrites and all their allies over to them, because they cried out to Him during the battle. He answered their prayers, because they trusted in Him." (1 Chronicles 5:20)

• "...The prayer preceding all prayers is, 'May it be the real I who speaks. May it be the real Thou that I speak to.'"

-C.S. Lewis

That second one I find myself praying so desperately, so many times a day. And then it's the realization of my inability to ensure it, that keeps leading me to the first.

HNGR goes apple picking

We gathered all the alumni from our HNGR class who are still in the area and went apple-picking on Sunday! (minus Jason who couldn't come and Lauren who met us for apple pie later!)

hiding roommate...

meg is hott (and her husband knows how to take sweet pics!)

hngr significant others were obviously invited as well :-)
(aww... they're wearing matching plaid!)

Great people. Great day :-)

(Have I mentioned I LOVE FALL??!!!!)

holding.

Re-post. 'Cause I miss those girls and still feel so lucky every single day that I got to know them. And because I've been re-thinking about this a lot lately.

"I spent the last six months cuddling with 15 Bolivian teenage girls. Really. It is a big joke among my HNGR class that every single one of my twice-monthly assessment letters included at least something about physical touch. But trust me, to leave it out would not have given a good picture of my time. Of course, it makes grad school applications somewhat complicated. "Description of Clinical Experience: Please list job title and responsibilities". Responsibilities... um... is there a way to make "Rubbed backs and braided hair" sound professional?...

I loved it. I loved every minute. Bolivian culture involves a lot of physical touch; these girls in particular were way affectionate. And plus hugging doesn't require perfect Spanish. But, it felt more important than that. Did, in holding these girls, I get to communicate to them that they were unconditionally accepted? Touch can say so much more than words sometimes. To feel held is such a big deal. Did loving touch from the staff and from me communicate safety to them, when before, physical contact had been a tool for their pain and harm?

Did they feel loved when we lightly touched their head or rubbed their back? When we cupped their cheek or tucked their hair behind their ear? Did they feel known, like they belonged? Was it easier, then, for them to visualize the love of God that Gonzalo told them about in devotionals every morning, Tino taught to them as he structured and organized their days, counseled them on work, disciplined them when necessary, that Gladys led them to in their counseling sessions?

One girl I literally spent probably an hour every day just cuddling on the couch with. She was a shyer one. She took awhile to warm up to me. But once we became friends, about half-way in, she wanted to be leaning on my shoulder or laying quietly with my arm around her as I chatted and laughed with everyone in the living room as much as possible. Mosoj Yan threw a goodbye dinner for me two days before I left, but I had forgotten some stuff at the house and had to run back the next day to grab it. I was going to try to make it a really quick trip in because I didn't want to have to see everyone again and start crying... "Yes, that's a good idea, don't let the girls see you. Maria Eugenia cried the whole night after you left." What did I even do that would be that important to her? I held her.

We receive love by having material needs being met: Mosoj Yan gave them good meals, clothing, warm and safe beds. We receive love by having hope and a future: Mosoj Yan teaches them skills, counsels them that they are worthwhile, works to get them education. We receive love through words: encouragement; through memories: laughter, dancing, pizza parties, good conversations.

And, we are bodies. We are physical bodies with physical needs, with needs to be touched and held and loved physically. At times when my language skills weren't enough but even more than that my brain and heart failed to be able to communicate to them how deep God's love for them is, how much I hated what had been done to them, every hope and dream I had for them... I could lovingly touch them. I could pray that as I held them they could receive that they were hold-able, acceptable, worth knowing and loving, deserving of more than abuse.

What a privilege, to be able to hold."

wonderful night.

windy fall outside, tamara drove in from the city, rooted around for a recipe using what i had and found this, rosie thomas pandora station,

a whole evening to do nothing but sit, talk, cook, eat, laugh, with one of my best friends of four years...

life is good.

Emily Is Excited About Fall

leavescolorhotchocolatepumpkinspicewarmthcozinesssweaterscuddlingspicecinnamonsmokejoylaughterfamilyfriendsapplesharvest

YES PLEASE

Perfect Early Autumn Salad

Although "salad" is misleading because there are no greens!
This was easy, filling, and delicious.

Waldorf Quinoa Salad (hence renamed, "Emily's Favorite Tastes Like Fall Meal!"):

2 C quinoa (quinoa, just in case you don't know, which I didn't until I lived in South America where it is super popular, is a grain-like complete protein... think if rice and barley had a love child)
4 1/2 C chicken broth
2 large apples, chopped (I used red)
2 C red seedless grapes, halved (I didn't halve them. Started to and it took way too long. It worked fine with them whole)
1 C craisins
Dash salt
1 C sliced almonds, or walnuts if preferred
6 T lemon juice (sounds like a lot but it was perfect)
4 T olive oil
8 oz blue cheese crumbles, or less if you're not a fan

1. Rinse quinoa well.
2. Put quinoa and chicken broth in a saucepan and bring to a boil.
3. Reduce heat and simmer until just cooked through, 20-25 minutes.
4. Fluff with a fork, cover, and let sit until cool* (*I didn't have time to let it cool and I actually liked it a lot with everything mixed in warm).
5. Mix in salt, apples, grapes, craisins, and almonds.
6. Drizzle lemon juice and olive oil and toss to coat.
7. Sprinkle liberally with blue cheese crumbles and mix in if desired.

IT WAS SO GOOD!!! I made it for Ryan and Kendra on Tuesday and we all really liked it... and Kendra noted it was the first family dinner I'd cooked where I wasn't constantly listing all the things I was going to do differently next time :-).

The quinoa cooked in the chicken broth is great (I like it that way much better than cooked in water... after six months in Bolivia it's taken me some time to be able to eat much quinoa, which makes it an even bigger deal that I liked this so much).

The fruit makes it rich and flavorful (and gives it the fall taste). The almonds are yummy and add extra protein (the whole thing is super protein-y! yay energy!). And the blue cheese. OMG. If you are a blue cheese fan, this is a great dish. The quinoa makes it super filling... we ate it with French bread and Trader Joe's $2 Chardonnay :-).

Yum!

"He loves Thee too little

who loves anything together with Thee,

which he loves not for Thy sake."

-from the Confessions of St. Augustine

So. Convicting.

first day of kindergarten...

My high school youth group leaders/great friends Matt and Amy's 5-year-old, Christopher, started kindergarten this week (!!!).

Amy posted this wonderful conversation with him on her blog:

"...We had orientation last Friday and then this conversation on the way to the car...

Me: How was it?
C: (small voice) Fine.
Me: Were you scared?
C: (small voice) Yes.
Me: Did you cry?
C: (small voice) Yes. When we were walking back to the classroom.
Me: (shocked) Seriously?! You cried?!
C: (small voice) Mom, a lot of kids cried.
Me: (suddenly not joking and feeling awful) I am so sorry baby! I didn't know you were that scared. (lean in for a hug)
C: (laughing uncontrollably) I didn't CRY mom! No one CRIED. I'm going to be fine. (continued laughter for most of the car ride home)

Yeah. So, basically he's a crafty little liar and I have no idea about reality anymore."

I laughed sooo hard. I just thought it was too amazing not to share.

I lived with them for several months the year Christopher was three and a half and Hannah was about to turn two, and I absolutely loved it. Reading her blog today made me nostalgic, so I was looking through my journal entries from that summer and found this:

"Today I was on the computer in the living room and Amy, Christopher, and Hannah were eating lunch in the kitchen. I overheard this:

Amy: Christopher, what are you when you put your spoon in your nose like that?
Christopher (age 3 1/2): A... a WAL-rus!
Amy: Yup!
(side note, how much do I love her mothering style).

Then she called to me, "Hey Em, by the way, did you teach them to sing, "I am the eggman, I am the walrus"?"

I totally did!! I'd forgotten but a couple weeks ago Christopher was putting his spoon up his nose and exclaiming about how he was a walrus. So obviously, I immediately taught them to sing "I am the eggman, I am the walrus" in a chorus. But then they went to the beach for a week and I hadn't thought about it since.

Me: Oh yeah, I did! Wait, did they say it again?
Amy: OMIGOSH. They've been fighting over who gets to be the eggman and who gets to be the walrus for a week!!
Me: SERIOUSLY??!!!!! Aahhhh!!! That makes me so excited!!!!!
(and right on cue...)

Christopher: I AM THE WALRUS!!!
Hannah (22 months): No, IIIII the walrus!!!!
Christopher: I'M the walrus, Hannah, you are the eggman!
Hannah: III the egg-maaaan!!
Christopher: I am the walrus!
Hannah: I the egg-maaaan!!

(and it continued while Amy and I CRACKED UP LAUGHING)."

Love you guys madly :-)

Summer 08- a minute before this I'm sure the spoon was showing off walrus-ness




First day of Kindergarten. So grown-up.

Quotes.

• "I'm freaking out!!! I don't know where I'm going to be... and SUFJAN'S GOING ON TOUR."
  

-Breanne, on the true difficulties of the post-graduate transitional lifestyle.

• "I prayed for a dream last night and I had one in which you and I were on a sci fi adventure."

-Sarah, via text. Because, obvs.

• "We want that he be smart boy." (thoughtful pause) "And that he not break things."

-the Iraqi father of one of my 2-year-olds at work, in response to my question on what their goals for his time in our program are.

• "(spluttering)...And... and because... because you could CRY OR DIE OR JUST MAKE PIES, EMILY!!!!!!!" (puts head in hands in utter frustration at my lack of understanding)
  

-Steve, in response to my innocent inquiry as to how it's so clear that the narrator's boyfriend actually died in Patty Griffin's classic song. I'd had hopes that maybe he was just at home that day. Apparently the death is supposed to be obvious. Who knew.

• "Sweetie, we need to go shopping. I want you to wear shorter skirts."

-My mother, approximately ten minutes after waking up from a four-hour surgery.

I love my life.

.tim + ash.

The only thing better than one of your good friends falling in love with a wonderful person and getting married, is when TWO of your good friends fall in love and get married... to each other!


Tim and Asharae are two of my favorite people and one of my favorite couples. EVER. I've been good friends with both of them through most of college (Tim and I were even in the same orientation group our first week of freshman year!). It has been SOOOOOOOOOO much fun to know them both separately, then get to see them meet... get to know each other... fall in love with each other's hearts. To get to see them learn to truly give themselves to each other and to God.

And when I say, "get to see them", I really mean it. One of the coolest things about them is the way they have included their community in their relationship, and worked to love others as a couple.

Case in point: lucky me :-)




(I love these pics :-)).

One particular favorite memory, they woke up at 5:30 AM and walked across Honey Rock to hug me goodbye before I left for HNGR. Who does that? They go out for coffee with me as a couple, they pray for their friends together, they 100% enable and affirm the other's gifts.

And they are even nicer and kinder than they are adorable.






Hard to believe, huh?

Love you guys so much, and couldn't be happier for you!! Thank you for letting me be a part of your journey.

nothing's as helpful as remembering that He suffered too.

The sovereignty questions flip me out.

Sometimes I have to give up what I don't know and just focus on what I do...

Been listening to this song over and over.

I don't know the rest of it, but I know He went there.

up on a mountain, our Lord is alone
without a family, friends or a home
He cries, oh, oh, oh, will you stay with me?
He cries oh, oh, oh, will you wait with me?

up on a mountain, our Lord is afraid
carrying all the mistakes we have made
and He knew, it's a long way down
do you know, it's a long way down?

up in the heavens our Lord prays for you
He sent His spirit to carry us through
so it's true that you're not alone
do you know He came all the way down?

so it's true that you're not alone
do you know He came all the way down?

-lyrics by The Welcome Wagon

Daybook: Aug 8

I love reading Elizabeth Foss's beautiful blog and I enjoy the "daybook" entries she does weekly. I thought I'd copy for the day, if for no other reason than to reflect a bit and have to look back on... Most of the prompts are straight from hers and some I added.

Outside My Window

The Wheaton train station and the ever-familiar sight of the street next to Caribou. Getting a window table here is one of my favorite things and I have spent more hours at them over the last four years than I could ever count.

I am Listening to

At the moment, just coffee shop talk drifting by. A few minutes ago, it was Deb Talan on my iPod.

I am Wearing

Black tank top, jean shorts, Tevas which thankfully I just found under my bed.

I am So Grateful for

• A wonderful catch-up breakfast with Sarah yesterday, passing through Chicago on her cross-country road trip.
  

• God being greater than my emotional ups and downs. It is easy in these days for me to think that I will always be such a victim to moods, tears, lack of energy, and I am grateful that God is stabler than me, faithful to me when I am unstable, and that "how I feel is not who I am".

I'm Pondering

Friendship. How grateful I am for it, what makes some work, its place in the post-graduate life, how to pursue it in a non-selfish, God-honoring, and healthy way.

I am Reading

I am in the middle of like eight things at the moment. I think I really need to structure in some committed reading time daily or at least weekly to make sure I am a) reading and b) finishing things. Over the last month, it's included the awesome biography There Is No Me Without You (about the AIDS crisis in Ethiopia and the importance of adoption), Loves Me Loves Me Not which is so thought-provoking and helps me love God more, and the audiobook version of Walk Two Moons, an old childhood favorite which has all the amazing deep character development and life truths of the BEST children's lit. I don't know if I'll ever love adult fiction as much as children's.

I am Thinking

See "pondering". Also about how I'm annoyed at myself for being so emotional. And about how I want to go into this work week rested, with a good attitude, ready to lesson plan creatively and with energy and truly put heart and joy into loving these kids and families as much as they deserve to be loved and served.

I am Creating

I've spent the last couple of hours working on a long encouragement letter to someone who completely deserves it. Also I'm trying to make my bedroom look pretty... more framed pictures (of people I love!), and I lost the quilt covers in favor of plain white duvets.

I am Missing
Being able to make spontaneous errand runs, hang-outs, dinners with Rachael (sob!!). I wanted to go to Target today and it hit me for the first time for REAL that she's really not here. She left for her amazing organic farm adventure this week. Matt, preemptively... he left for his amazing DC adventure today.

On my iPod

My playlist at the moment includes Steve Slagg, Shane & Shane, Rosie Thomas, and Over the Rhine.

Towards Being Faithful In This Time

I know that walking or being in some form of action makes it easier for me to pray, and I've fought against that lately because I'm lazy and it's more convenient to be able to pray sitting on my couch in my house for half an hour before I leave for work than having to do something (plus it's been too hot to walk). But last night I gave up and admitted that's what I need, and drove to campus and just walked around for an hour talking with God about multiple things. It was wonderful. I'm going to try to do the exact same thing multiple times this week. It works, and if something works for prayer, we should keep doing it, yeah?

One Thing I Love About My Job Right Now

Feeling like I can actually make a difference in a few of the families' lives. Two-year-old giggles. Praying for the families. Speaking Spanish. Whoops, that was more than one.

One Thing I Love About My Living Situation Right Now

Well, it's quiet because my roommates are away. I miss them. (Kendra wrote an interesting description of our living situation here :-)). I love the garden in the backyard, the fact that everyone thinks the house is adorable, and all the natural light.

One Thing I Love About Wheaton Life Right Now

Caribou :-)

One Thing I Love About My Church Right Now

Um, everything. OK... today there was violin and cello during worship. And we took Communion. And I saw a favorite professor and I'm having dinner at her house next week. And I love my church.

I am Hoping and Praying

To have a good and joyful and hard-working attitude this week.

From the Kitchen

I made artichoke-chicken for dinner on Friday when the Hiltibran clan and Steve came over (which was so so fun). A super simple Trader Joe's recipe. Yum.

One of my Favorite Things

Friends.

A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week

Work, trying to pray, a sleepover with sweet Christine and hopefully meeting up with miss Mary Gallagher... and it's my birthday!

A Couple Picture Thoughts:

• My sweet roommates- they like each other :-) On our new beautiful deck!
• And me with my wonderful friends Christine and Meghan at a really fun hang-out at Meg and Josh's apartment last week. Meghan and Josh are rocking newlywed life by having us all over a lot :-). I love it. It's been a wonderful part of summer.

Paul said to Petey, You gotta rock yourself a little harder.

A sweet best friend "felt compelled" to spend her lunch hour yesterday in one of the chapels on Wheaton's campus, praying for me and my family.
(No words for how much that means.)
She shared this verse from her time with me:

"Lord, through all the generations
You have been our home."
(Psalm 90:1)

A favorite.

.community: mine.

choked up reading Mark this morning.

And they came, bringing to Him a paralytic carried by four of them.
And when they could not get near Him because of the crowd,
they removed the roof above Him,
and when they had made an opening,
they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay.
And when Jesus saw their faith,
He said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven."
ch 2, vs. 3-5

That story felt familiar.

:grateful.

.true love.

I'm in it.

With this face right here (as you will soon be too- press play!):



He does that head bobbing thing IMMEDIATELY anytime that song comes on. Seriously. Omg. The cuteness.

Over my recent visit home, Mary and I were discussing our incredibly special and beautiful mentorship/friendship, and remembering how it started when she was 18 and I was 14.

Bet she didn't know that when she "adopted" little freshman -in-high-school-me, pouring all her love and prayers into lots of coffee dates, sleepovers, Bible studies and encouragement letters...

that someday I would be plotting how to steal her son and take him back to Wheaton with me. Mwahaha.

(Maryyy, I TOLD you that God TOLD me that you and Wolf are supposed to just MOVE HERE. Reallllyyyy. So then I won't HAVE to steal any babies, okkkk?? Ok great thank you. See you soon.)

See? Rex clearly loves the idea.

Hilarious.

Lindsay, my sweet best friend in Bolivia, just posted this picture that made me laugh soooo much. It's at a recent wedding they attended. This was during the ceremony... all those people up there taking pictures? Photographers? No no. Guests who wanted to make sure they didn't miss the shot.

Aahh, I miss that country yo.

(I miss that beautiful girl and her husband even more!)

Ohio!

I just got to spend a lovely weekend in Ohio with one of my favorite families, relaxing and partyin' it up Hiltibran style...

Lots of intense games of Settlers...


And cornhole...

(I just really enjoy Matt's facial expression in this one)

And corn-shucking...

And tree-climbing...







And, it was all really beautiful. Mostly the people, but also all of this:






Mmm country!


Not pictured: The other three (four?) games of Settlers, one game of Croquet, one game of Scrabble, two trips to get ice cream, maple fudge, Amish people (they don't like to get their pictures taken, but I waved at some of them passing in a buggy!), Matt's sweet grandma, the Hiltibran men wrestling, and late-night pillow talks with Katie and Beth.

I really like all of them yo.

(Especially the Amish people. I mean...)

It was so relaxing and fun to be with them. On the drive home I prayed a lot and thought about friends, and family, and friends' families, and friends that become family, and got so filled up with gratitude that I actually ached a little bit.

Thanks for having me, Hiltibrans!