A Maryland Daybook on New Year's Eve.

Outside My Window
The Maloys' backyard. I'm in the living room where I spent countless hours as a high schooler.

I am Listening to
The toaster oven ticking. It's quiet! I'm the only one home :-(.

I am Wearing
Jeans, cream sweater. About to go to the Wolfs' for New Year's.

I am So Grateful for
People who have loved me long and love me so hard and so well.

I'm Pondering
How I can feel so completely glad I live in Oregon and also so completely long to be with the people here more often.

I am Reading
Living into Community by Christine Pohl, who wrote Making Room. It focuses on four practices: truth-telling, promise-keeping, gratitude and hospitality. Clearly written, inspiring and convicting.

I am Thinking
Happily about how cozy tonight is going to be: stopping by a couple small gatherings and then most likely tucking myself in well before midnight. I'll see you in the morning, 2014.

I am Creating
Plans in my mind to make Hannah a unicorn-applique dress. Don't tell her. I'm super excited.

I am Missing
Newberg people + pace!! And people here preemptively.

Towards Being Faithful In This Time
Asking Him to help me use this break well, to see the people that I'm supposed to, and to love my family well. And trying to trust that it will happen. Breaks and trips home are gifts; and they are also difficult for me to know how to do. Almost always.

I am Hoping and Praying
Thanks for this time. That this semester goes better than last.

One of my Favorite ThingsMemories.

Daybook: May 2

Outside My Window

It is cold! For May. Which means warmer than it has been. And dark.

I am Listening to

Ryan in the dining room typing and whatever folky music he's playing- "Ryan, what's that music?" "Vavavoom." Ok, Vavavoom.

I am Wearing

Black yoga pants, red tank top.

I am So Grateful for

SO MUCH. It's been a very grateful few weeks.

Among other things,
-Seeing in retrospect just how much this year was exactly what I needed
-Being in such close and connected relationships
-My mother's loving voice on the other end of the telephone every time I call
-My sassy, sweet, TWENTY-YEAR-OLD sister
-Connecting so well with my families at work
-My small group
-My church
-OK stopping.

I'm Pondering

The fact that joy is a fruit of the Spirit. Which means it not only isn't be wrong to desire it and seek it, but it is in fact important that I do so. Sometimes I confuse being willing to see God in suffering with joy being wrong. True joy is not wrong. It is a fruit of the Spirit. It is something God wants to give us.

I am Reading

1,000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I'm really liking it so far- more even than I expected to. (I'm totally breaking my rule. Making Room is so good, but so dense. I'm not giving up on it, though, but I have caved in not starting other things, too.)

I am Thinking

About the many people I care about who will be leaving Wheaton in the next week or two, and how much I'll miss them this summer. About wrapping my Illinois life up... three months and counting. See pondering, on the practical side- how can I seek joy where He would have me find it?

I am Creating
I made a simple potato and herb soup for dinner. It felt good to use my hands to chop and stir and to touch and smell fresh vegetables. Trying to be slow, right now. Lots of unplanned chunks in my afternoons and evenings... time to read, time to walk, time to look at the outside. Not sure how that counts as creating, but it does, for me.

I am Missing
Bolivia, actually. I talked to the Albergue staff (Tino and Gladys, specifically) on Skype this weekend :-). I love those people.

(And for real... too many other people to mention. A lot of people I love live far away from me. If you are reading this, odds are good are that I miss you.)

On my iPod

Natalie Merchant's "Wonder", on repeat. Lots of Rosie Thomas. Lots of Indelible Grace.

Towards Being Faithful In This Time

*Lots and lots of prayer for other people. Man, I am lazy/selfish about this. I love praying for other people, but it is work. And right now there are a lot of ways I want to see God working in MY life. Well, one of the ways He is is that when I sit down to talk with Him He gently reminds me He has given me things to do, and one of them is to pray for those He's put in my life. And in some cases that includes praying for people when I have no idea what the results are.

*The slow-ness thing.

*"Being faithful in little things". Taking small steps of love and service when I see them.

*Writing, right now, is helping me to love Him and love others. I am tearing up my journal- I bought a new, large-ish one about five weeks ago and it's 3/4 done.

One Thing I Love About My Job Right Now

My relationships with the families. So, so much. Some of them I have been meeting weekly with now for going on a year. The moms are friends. The moms my age and I just connect so well, and some of the ones who are older than me sort of mother me . I love it.

One Thing I Love About My Living Situation Right Now

*Just the general vibe of our house. It's such a good balance of together-ness but independence. Easy interactions, a good rhythm of eating together, knowing what's up in each other's lives.

*How great they are when I'm sad.

One Thing I Love About Wheaton Life Right Now

SPRING, everywhere.

The connectedness of my life. I'm in multiple-times-a-week contact with multiple friends here. I love that. I love that I feel like their joys are my joys and their burdens are my burdens, that my joys are theirs and my burdens are theirs. I can't think of anything big I'm doing alone right now (thank You, Jesus). I hope they can't, either.

One Thing I Love About My Church Right Now

*Giving Communion three different times last week over Easter weekend, I got to see so many faces I love. Oh how I love serving Communion. I love giving it to the toddlers, their parents helping them hold the cup. I love giving it to people I love, stepping back so they can meet Jesus but praying silently and smiling into their beautiful eyes. I love thinking about what it means. I love participating in the mystery.

*Nancy, the wonderful lady who coordinates the Eucharist ministry. I get emails from her frequently about details and she's just lovely. We had coffee once and it was fantastic, I need to make her do it again.

*The fact that at Easter Vigil (and Easter morning), the kids all grabbed hands and tore up and down the aisles, dancing and spinning and jumping and grinning and rejoicing together to the music. And that everyone loves that. And that it was the kids... and some adults. (Liiiike me. Obvs.)

I am Hoping and Praying

*To honor God more at work- working harder than I "have to", to love on these families He has given me.

*For my family as a whole and for individual members.

*Gratitude, for the many things He gives me joy through.

*For Luke and Christine.

*For Steve and Tamara.

*For the people leaving Wheaton, either for graduation or HNGR.

*For love that is more like His- "...pray each day for the ability to love without anger, without possessiveness, without jealousy, and without fear. Pray to love with open hands." -Laura Smit

*...And, to be honest, that Oregon was the right decision.

From the Kitchen

Tonight, St. Patrick Irish Cheddar soup from my much-beloved Monastery Soups cookbook. Last week, the best pasta ever from the Pioneer Woman.

One of my Favorite Things

Friendship.

Spring.

Holding children.

A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week

My last HNGR small group :-(, taking a lovely friend to get her wisdom teeth out (poor girl!), HNGR graduation ceremony, going with Meg and Christine to look for C's wedding dress!!!

Daybook: Oct 10

Outside My Window

First off, my window is OPEN and it smells like fall! Outside of it, just our side yard. It's dark out.

I am Listening to

Wind through the trees through the open window. And some traffic in the distance.

I am Wearing

Jeans, olive green top.

I am So Grateful for

• Grace. The kind where I somehow am able to be calm and where/who I want to be for some brief time, when I need to be, completely to my amazement and humbled gratitude, because I KNOW it is so not something I would be capable of without tons of people's prayers. SUCH GRACE in the last few days. Omg. I am humbled and in awe... and SO GRATEFUL for grace I do not deserve. (Sorry if that's cryptic.)
  

• How awesome my parents/family are. I am so grateful to be their child and to have grown up in my home and to know them now as an adult and for who they are and to be who I am because of them. Wouldn't want anyone else.
  

• My new Sunday night SMALL GROUP!!!!!! Oh man what a joy and blessing these nights are rapidly becoming. I love these people who are meeting and the honesty they are sharing and how much laughter and vulnerability and acceptance there is in one room and how we all want such similar things for this group... oh. So so so great. I am so lucky.

I'm Pondering

See the Dillard quote from yesterday.

Since seeing "The Social Network" yesterday, I truly have been pondering how glad I am that my life is so much more meaningful than that of the creator of Facebook (at least according to that movie). Arrogant, but true (that I've been pondering it)... sorry.

I am Reading

I started The Cloister Walk today and am loving it so far.

I am Thinking

"The Benedictines believe that in every day there is time for prayer, work, study, and play." -from The Cloister Walk. Affirm, I'm excited to double check they're all happening in my days.

I am Creating
Hmm. Need to work on that.

I am Missing
My mom and Allie. A lot a lot.

(And for real... too many other people to mention. A lot of people I love live far away from me. If you are reading this, odds are good are that I miss you.)

On my iPod (actually, this week more in my car)

Can't stop listening to the new WEEPIES CD!!So good!

Towards Being Faithful In This Time

I'm trying to memorize Scripture before bed. I'm working on the Beatitudes. Mostly that's been wonderful and helpful. Except for the part where I haven't been as faithful with it as I should. Yell at me if I'm not next time you talk to me.

One Thing I Love About My Job Right Now

My coworkers!!!!! They are SO WONDERFUL.

One Thing I Love About My Living Situation Right Now

SO MUCH. Seriously. They deserve their whole own post. Um, but one thing... I love the hard and really worthwhile and beautiful work that living, really living, with other people is. When you learn people's strengths and weaknesses and they learn yours (yikes) and you learn how to love each other and accept each other and live well together. So special and good.

One Thing I Love About Wheaton Life Right Now

Small group. Rez. Fall activities with different awesome groups of friends. Fall. Work. Everything? Did I just write that?

One Thing I Love About My Church Right Now

Just one? Nope. Spanish service. GIVING COMMUNION. TAKING COMMUNION. The meeting for Eucharist ministry we had on Thurs. My friends who go there.

I am Hoping and Praying

To spend good time with God this week.

From the Kitchen

I made Simply in Season's AWESOME Butternut Bisque for everyone who was over for pumpkin carving on Saturday. So good. Mine was not as good as when Kendra made it... we didn't have evaporated milk so I had to sub yogurt. But the recipe rocks. I will be repeating. (And it was fun to serve everyone homemade soup!)

One of my Favorite Things

Feeling like you are right where you are supposed to be, both in the joyful and painful parts.

A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week

Work, HNGR small group, HEATHER IS VISITING!!!!!!!

A Couple Picture Thoughts:

• My sweet stepsister and me picking out pumpkins this weekend. She will definitely get her own post sometime soon. She's pretty awesome.

• Everyone in our small group!! At a s'mores-making party at Lauren's a couple weeks ago... I look awkward in this pic but I like everyone in it so it is getting posted anyway.

Daybook: Aug 8

I love reading Elizabeth Foss's beautiful blog and I enjoy the "daybook" entries she does weekly. I thought I'd copy for the day, if for no other reason than to reflect a bit and have to look back on... Most of the prompts are straight from hers and some I added.

Outside My Window

The Wheaton train station and the ever-familiar sight of the street next to Caribou. Getting a window table here is one of my favorite things and I have spent more hours at them over the last four years than I could ever count.

I am Listening to

At the moment, just coffee shop talk drifting by. A few minutes ago, it was Deb Talan on my iPod.

I am Wearing

Black tank top, jean shorts, Tevas which thankfully I just found under my bed.

I am So Grateful for

• A wonderful catch-up breakfast with Sarah yesterday, passing through Chicago on her cross-country road trip.
  

• God being greater than my emotional ups and downs. It is easy in these days for me to think that I will always be such a victim to moods, tears, lack of energy, and I am grateful that God is stabler than me, faithful to me when I am unstable, and that "how I feel is not who I am".

I'm Pondering

Friendship. How grateful I am for it, what makes some work, its place in the post-graduate life, how to pursue it in a non-selfish, God-honoring, and healthy way.

I am Reading

I am in the middle of like eight things at the moment. I think I really need to structure in some committed reading time daily or at least weekly to make sure I am a) reading and b) finishing things. Over the last month, it's included the awesome biography There Is No Me Without You (about the AIDS crisis in Ethiopia and the importance of adoption), Loves Me Loves Me Not which is so thought-provoking and helps me love God more, and the audiobook version of Walk Two Moons, an old childhood favorite which has all the amazing deep character development and life truths of the BEST children's lit. I don't know if I'll ever love adult fiction as much as children's.

I am Thinking

See "pondering". Also about how I'm annoyed at myself for being so emotional. And about how I want to go into this work week rested, with a good attitude, ready to lesson plan creatively and with energy and truly put heart and joy into loving these kids and families as much as they deserve to be loved and served.

I am Creating

I've spent the last couple of hours working on a long encouragement letter to someone who completely deserves it. Also I'm trying to make my bedroom look pretty... more framed pictures (of people I love!), and I lost the quilt covers in favor of plain white duvets.

I am Missing
Being able to make spontaneous errand runs, hang-outs, dinners with Rachael (sob!!). I wanted to go to Target today and it hit me for the first time for REAL that she's really not here. She left for her amazing organic farm adventure this week. Matt, preemptively... he left for his amazing DC adventure today.

On my iPod

My playlist at the moment includes Steve Slagg, Shane & Shane, Rosie Thomas, and Over the Rhine.

Towards Being Faithful In This Time

I know that walking or being in some form of action makes it easier for me to pray, and I've fought against that lately because I'm lazy and it's more convenient to be able to pray sitting on my couch in my house for half an hour before I leave for work than having to do something (plus it's been too hot to walk). But last night I gave up and admitted that's what I need, and drove to campus and just walked around for an hour talking with God about multiple things. It was wonderful. I'm going to try to do the exact same thing multiple times this week. It works, and if something works for prayer, we should keep doing it, yeah?

One Thing I Love About My Job Right Now

Feeling like I can actually make a difference in a few of the families' lives. Two-year-old giggles. Praying for the families. Speaking Spanish. Whoops, that was more than one.

One Thing I Love About My Living Situation Right Now

Well, it's quiet because my roommates are away. I miss them. (Kendra wrote an interesting description of our living situation here :-)). I love the garden in the backyard, the fact that everyone thinks the house is adorable, and all the natural light.

One Thing I Love About Wheaton Life Right Now

Caribou :-)

One Thing I Love About My Church Right Now

Um, everything. OK... today there was violin and cello during worship. And we took Communion. And I saw a favorite professor and I'm having dinner at her house next week. And I love my church.

I am Hoping and Praying

To have a good and joyful and hard-working attitude this week.

From the Kitchen

I made artichoke-chicken for dinner on Friday when the Hiltibran clan and Steve came over (which was so so fun). A super simple Trader Joe's recipe. Yum.

One of my Favorite Things

Friends.

A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week

Work, trying to pray, a sleepover with sweet Christine and hopefully meeting up with miss Mary Gallagher... and it's my birthday!

A Couple Picture Thoughts:

• My sweet roommates- they like each other :-) On our new beautiful deck!
• And me with my wonderful friends Christine and Meghan at a really fun hang-out at Meg and Josh's apartment last week. Meghan and Josh are rocking newlywed life by having us all over a lot :-). I love it. It's been a wonderful part of summer.