HNGR HNGR HNGR...

It's starting to take over a large part of my brain/life/prayers. In a good way, I think.

A few big things happened this week that contributed to that.

1. My placement was CONFIRMED! I am officially going to be spending six months in... Cochabamba, Bolivia. With an organization called Mosoj Yan, which HNGR has been sending interns to (with really positive results) for over a decade. It's hard to even put into words how giddily excited I am about this internship, and how lucky I feel to be going into what sounds like an incredible organization and a really good fit. I'll let the letter I received from the director (translated from the Spanish) speak for itself...

"...Throughout our history as Mosoj Yan, we noticed that the area of psychology is key to the care of our children at risk, especially those who have critical experience of abuse and addiction to certain substances (glue). Therefore, I think Emily could be of great support for the Center for Restoration. This center works everything related to processes of physical and psychological detoxification of adolescent girls. So our interest is that Emily can contribute to the systematization of the type of psychological work that is done in this project.
It will be a pleasure having her with us and we offer her the support of the psychologist that works in our project for the execution of her work. We also feel blessed by the relationship we have and each student has been very respectful and has delivered what it does and is easily integrated into all activities of the team in general."

The website's description of the place where I'll be interning reads: "...The Restoration Center concentrates on the reintegration of girls back into society; whether it be with their families or independently. The girls who stay at the Restoration Center are either seeking shelter from abusive situations (physical, psychological, sexual) or from the streets. The center shelters up to fifteen girls at a time."

I am so, so excited and feel so privileged to get to be a part of the incredible work this organization does.

2. The HNGR Retreat!!! All 25 of the outgoing interns and the HNGR staff went to a camp about an hour away for the weekend and had a blast. We snow-tubed, broom-balled, watched Slumdog Millionare, cuddled like it was our JOB, laughed, talked, bonded, prayed, worshiped, did crazy games and skits... and Discussed. Important Things. A Lot. A Lot A Lot A Lot. We discussed our fears and expectations and gifts and patterns of sin and families and backgrounds. We discussed our dynamics as a group and our dynamics with campus. We brainstormed to form our "covenant": the themes we want to characterize our group and our internships, what we'll promise to each other, to God, and to the campus.

It was such a great weekend- SO fun and I really feel like our group bonded more, in the way that can only happen when you're away with just each other, having a complete blast (and Discussing Intense Things). Plus that knowledge that, "Oh yeah, we're all going to go live in the Global South for half a year." That can help you bond. I love so many of these people (and am excited to get to know the rest), and I truly am pinching myself with how lucky I feel to get to participate in this journey with them.


So that's the official what's-going-on stuff! My feelings are pretty INSANE right now! I am (as I mentioned) just giddily happy about this internship. I was pretty much on cloud 9 for several days after I got that email- they just sound so nice (and I've heard they are from HNGR) and the internship could not sound more perfect. I am so excited academically for the chance to get to see and participate in an opportunity like that and to use psychology for such important purposes- and spiritually... oh, dear, spiritually. I will say... I am excited spiritually for the chance to get to know and love and hopefully enter into the lives of these women. I am excited to learn from them, and this organization, to experience and be a part of their stories and they mine.

That sounds trite... I mean it so sincerely. I just don't even know how to picture or imagine exactly what this is going to be like (which is okay). And to be honest... "The girls who stay at the Restoration Center are either seeking shelter from abusive situations (physical, psychological, sexual) or from the streets." I have been telling people for months, "Oh, it looks like I'll be going to Bolivia! Yes, to work with teenage street girls. Mmhmm, I'm so excited!" All of which is true. But like... abusive situations? Addictions? Living on the street? That is... so hard. In a way I cannot imagine. So I am excited about it. But I also just... know that I don't know those girls, yet. I'm praying for them. I can't wait to meet them. I hope I fall in love with them, and they with me. But how can I even write about it, or what I'm excited about (or scared about)? When words can't do justice now... and probably won't then, either.

So I don't know how to put it into words, or if I should try. And that's okay.

I had a minor freak out this week (yes, this week... although it's only Monday), on the whole what-the-heck-I'm-going-and-my-roommates-are-staying-and-and-AAHH!! front. A lot a lot of journaling and praying and processing on that. I was talking about it with a friend today and felt kind of silly... what felt like a huge tear-worthy deal on Saturday feels more like normal and handleable today. But tomorrow it might be tear-worthy again.


I also had a sweet conversation with Ryan tonight at small group. It was sweet for two reasons. One was that it was entirely in Spanish :-). The other was that I talked about how nervous I am ("Erm, tengo im poco temor...") about my Spanish skills... not as much about embarrassing myself (I'm sure that will happen!), but more just... I am going in order to interact with and help and love on these girls, and I don't even speak their language. A lot of HNGR interns are Spanish majors, and I am seriously crossing my fingers through Conversational. What if the director is disappointed? What if I choke and can't do anything to help or even do my internship right? Ryan was super reassuring about it- he said it's totally normal to feel that way, and that Mosoj Yan has worked with HNGR for years and understands where I'll be at when I come... that the first two-three months will be mostly learning and learning and learning to speak more every day... and that's why they send us for "seis meses y no dos!". Es verdad.

The cool thing was that I'm not sure I would have had that conversation in English. For some reason it was easier to admit my fears in another language... it felt not exactly real. Anyway, it was encouraging and I feel a lot better.


I am still overwhelmed every day with how much I love this program, love what it stands for, love the opportunities it provides (for interns and hosts), LOVE the people. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for my friends and family who are being so incredibly encouraging and supportive. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude to God for letting me participate, for letting me see what He's doing in Bolivia, for letting me get to know Him in a different way. My main feeling right now is just... excitement. (In addition to all those freak out moments :-) I guess they're part of the excitement...? Part of the experience, anyway!).

To close (because this is not long enough?!)... One of the talks we heard was on the meaning of a covenant, and how God has covenanted with us. My mind and journal had been filled that morning with worries. And as I sat and heard that talk, and remembered the story of the curtain tearing, I suddenly remembered what HNGR is about. God. And how He is all, all good- so good. And He very suddenly and completely reminded me that He will meet every need. From scheduling (which was the worry of that particular moment) to compassion to sanity. My job is not to figure out how I'll get where I'll need to be, or how I'll feel what I want to feel. It is to live each day and try to love Him, and ask Him to show me how to love others. For that day (not an entire six month period at once, and not a year from now).

So. On that note. God is good. And I am grateful for this and all opportunities to get to know Him and participate in His work. Can I get an amen? Amen.