Mary W strikes again

Tonight I got home and logged on bloglines and read a post from Mary W., my beautiful mentor (who I wrote about here) on worry. I wanted to post some of it here, because it spoke to my heart so much. (She does that a lot.)

When I really look at my heart in this area, I am pretty surprised and freaked out by what I see. Because if I am honest, my inner life doesn't reflect what I claim to believe.

I say, to others and myself, that I believe God is involved in the details of my life. I say that He is all good. I say that He is all capable. I say that He is in charge of everything, and that He works everything together for His glory and His purposes. I say that He loves me. And I say that He can do whatever He wants with my life, and I will trust Him.

Yet I find myself worrying that if I do something wrong, even trying my best, I could mess up "God's plan". I worry that maybe His plans for me aren't really good, or that maybe the rest of my life is not really a "plan" at all, but more like accidents or coincidences. I worry that He's not using me. I worry that maybe He's not really at work in my life or heart.

That is CRAZY to look at straight on! Every single one of those statements, I am positive is untrue. Yet those are real, active issues for me... sometimes on a daily basis.

The best antidote for something that's not true is truth. God always speaks His truth to me at exactly the right time. Most importantly, through His Word. Through a memory of His faithfulness in the past (remembering reading Mary's post tonight will be one of those!). Often, through the writings of those wiser than I (thank you, Henri Nouwen and Elisabeth Elliot, for starters). And so often, through amazing friends who over and over, will lovingly and patiently remind me of His love, His presence, His forgiveness, His sovereignty, whenever I need them to.

Oops... I was going to just post what she wrote! Oh well, yay for external processing. Mary's words totally were exactly what I needed to read tonight, and I'm really praying God will help me remember them in a deep-down sort of way. THANKS MARY!!! I love you so unbelievably much and am so thankful for you. I'm praying for you, Wolf, and your beautiful baby. (Emphasis' are mine).

"...Here's the thing. God is in control. He is the only one who knows if my baby is ok or not every second of the day, He is the only one who is in control of that beautiful little life inside me... I will fight to find peace in God who has more than proven that He is able to handle whatever may come my way. I can instead focus on what God is actively doing in my life, where He's leading me, what He's teaching me, and who I can encourage and love on." (from me: Ouch. Who I can encourage and love on. Right. Sounds good.) "Do I know if in 6 months I will have a healthy baby after labor that was a breeze? Nope. I just know that regardless, I have a good God who's gonna provide all that I need whenever I need it.

Jesus says it better than me, so I will leave you with Matthew 6.:25-34

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[b]?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

(the rest of her awesome post is here and I highly recommend reading it!)