Bits

• Christina is coming to visit in TWO DAYS!! I am so excited. I can't even believe she will be here.

• Why, when I sit down with God with no agenda, totally exhausted of trying to perfect-ify myself/my walk with Him/my relationships/my life... does it feel so much easier to hear from Him?
  

• I DOWNLOADED SKYPE AND IT IS MY NEW FAVORITE THING.

-Heard Claire's voice for the first time in TWO MONTHS (the longest by about, oh, seven weeks since NINTH GRADE).

-Talked to the Ramsings TWICE this week. Oooomg. I almost cried. It was so fun. Basically, the entire family was in one room and Jadon was telling me about school while Charis was showing me how she can play her Ugandan flute and Kailey was chattering away in Ugandan and Nick and Becky were trying to ask me about classes... while Christine sat in the living room just staring at the awesomeness emanating from my speakers cracking up. I felt like I was back in their kitchen and it made my life. The second time was just for about fifteen minutes but it was so great. I am so grateful for that family and I miss them so much.

-And RIGHT NOW I am skype-chatting with ELISE!!!! What the HECK! Oh how I love and miss that beautiful girl.

Seriously... it's like, the best invention ever.

• Knowing that I will probably not experience fall next year really does make me notice and pay attention to it differently now. Not in a super sad way (I'll see it in two years, I mean)... but it is weird to think that something that has ALWAYS come every year I will just... not see. I feel like my rhythm will be thrown off. And it really does make me feel more appreciative of this season that has always been my favorite.
  

I've thought about this enough to think that probably, it is more symbolic of a lot of other things that will be different this time next year. (!!)

• My HNGR small group met for the first time and I LOVE IT!!! Ryan, the assistant director, and his wife are leading our group and they are SUPER cute. Really chill and warm and they made us pasta with sage they grew in their garden. So I just really like them. And Jeremiah, and my friend Megan, and my tutoring partner and friend Lauren are in it, along with two others who I'm just getting to know and really like... it's awesome. They had us say what we were like as children, which was a pretty good way to get us to talk about how we see ourselves now and also some life background/family dynamic, etc. The general vibe of the group is just very open, and I think it's going to be great to have a safe place to meet regularly to just hang out and be able to flesh out some of our expectations/fears, etc. I'm really looking forward to getting to know everyone!
  

• I miss my bosom friend and I wish I could be with her right now!
  

• Conversation with Christine (after some just fun hang out time):
  

Me: I'm so glad you exist. I had too much alone time today.

Christine: Omigosh! I love alone time, but sometimes I just get crabby from it!

Me: ME TOO! And really stressed out!

Christine: ME TOO! And it totally gives me too much room to overanalyze!

Me: ME TOO! And then don't you start imagining out conversations with people in your head?

(pause)

Christine: No.

Mm. Right. Me neither...

• Serious note...

I WAS really crabby for awhile today. Sometimes I get so frustrated and annoyed that my emotions can be so up and down. Wake up on the wrong side of the bed, have a quiet time and feel great, do some homework feeling fine, one weird remark in a conversation and I'm stressing out, five minutes with a good friend and I'm back to happy... It's easy to beat myself up about it. I know I posted this before, but I'm posting it again, because I honestly reread it probably 2-3 times a week. Thank You, God, that You are constant when I am not, and that I can cling to that, not the certainty of a good mood. Teach me to trust You even in that.

"Our emotional lives move up and down constantly. Sometimes we experience great mood swings: from excitement to depression, from joy to sorrow, from inner harmony to inner chaos. A little event, a word from someone, a disappointment in work, many things can trigger such mood swings. Mostly we have little control over these changes. It seems that they happen to us rather than being created by us.

"Thus, it is important to know that our emotional life is not the same as our spiritual life. Our spiritual life is the Spirit of God within us. As we feel our emotions shift we must connect our spirits with the Spirit of God and remind ourselves that what we feel is not who we are. We are and remain, whatever our moods, God's beloved children."

-Nouwen