"In the strong name of Jesus we bless all that is living, and recognize in all that lives the reflection of the Word who said, 'Let there be life', and it lives.

Teach us to care for all that is entrusted to us, and nurture every sign of Your presence...

May the blessing of our love and our strong joy in blessing call out new growth in everyone we know and meet.

Give us a generosity that pushes back the boundaries, for even death by You has been defeated. With all our powers we find our power in You.

The Light shines on, and life is lived in You."

..."We recognize in all that lives the reflection of the Word who said 'Let there be life', and it lives."

What does it say about God that He creates life? What does it say about the people I pass by every day that the reflection of a Life-bringer is in each of them?

I've been listening to it on repeat and I just have to post this

...The way Deb Talan and Steve Tannen's voices blend on Gotta Have You is JUST SO BREATHTAKINGLY BEAUTIFUL.

Especially on headphones, because you can hear his backup vocals better... Simply stunning.

Works For Me Wednesday: Actively Pursuing People

For a long time now, I've enjoyed reading Blogworld's "Works For Me Wednesday" entries. The idea is that "on Wednesday you post a little tip you've learned on anything that has 'worked for you' in making your life easier".

I often apologize at the beginning of voicemails, "Sorry I'm stalking you, but...". It's true. I affectionately stalk people. If I want to get to know you, you might as well just pencil me into your will now, because I have no intention of going away!

While I do tryyy to not be TOO socially inept about it (with successes and failures :-)), I have been way too blessed by being surrounded by incredibly inspiring, fun people, to not take advantage of the opportunities to know and learn from them. It's definitely made my life not just easier, but better, richer, fuller, and sweeter.

The examples of the people from home who have been the victi- I mean, subjects of this aspect of my personality are too numerous to name, so I'll stick to friends at school (or skip down to the "Seriously" part...)

Example #1: My Roommate

I had a nice chat with this sweet blonde girl from Alabama during Orientation Week freshman year. We didn't have any classes together, but we would pass each other on campus every once and a while and say hi by name... and basically I just always thought, "Oh, that Heather girl seems so cool, I wish I had an excuse to get to know her!!"

Then in November... Now, I remember it as that we were walking in the same direction and walked together for a few minutes and THEN I asked if she wanted to make plans to talk more over coffee. The way she tells it, I practically tackled her on the quad and extended the invitation without any small talk. Whatevs. The point is, we went out for coffee on the basis of about 8 minutes of previous interactions.

And it was GREAT. I loved talking with her, I loved her sense of humor and obvious heart for God. Sweet. Want to get together to watch a movie? Awesome!

The next time we hung out somehow resulted in planning a marathon of all the Anne of Green Gables movies. Soon after that, we left for Christmas break, and I carefully planned my Facebook wall posts to show that I would JUST LOVE to hang out more the next semester.

I asked her what else I did to "stalk" her... "Well, you just sort of ended up sleeping in our room all the time..."

Yep. And after two years of living together and enjoying one of the deepest and most encouraging friendships I've ever had, I have to say that pursuing that beautiful girl worked for me!

Then there's Dr. Barwegen, who Tamara and I asked for coffee repeatedly and finally after praying a lot asked to meet with us regularly to mentor us. We've driven an hour to her house in order to hang out with her and met her at 8 in the morning to pray, just because she's so wise and GREAT! I've learned so much, and am continually encouraged (and also have an automatic letter-of-rec writer!)

And there's Breanne (if you know her and me and our friendship you will probably laugh now...). From everything I'd heard about her from our mutual friends, I knew she had a heart of gold, was passionate about compassion and justice, and basically was really cool. She has outright told me she had NO idea she would ever like the hyper, "nice Christian girl" who kept hanging around her and informing her we were going to be friends (my awkwardness, btw, is not part of the "Works for Me", it's just an extra bonus...). But I just knew I could learn so much from her, and I wanted to know her for real. Finally, we were at a sleepover where we got to sit down and have a real conversation. A year later, I am blessed to count her as one of my most real and enjoyed friends, and I think we've learned a ton from each other.

Seriously...

It can be so scary to pursue new friendships and relationships. But so often at Wheaton I hear the coolest, smartest people saying things along the lines of "Well, I'd love to talk more with so-and-so, but they probably wouldn't want to/don't have time/would think I was weird...". Usually the people who are saying this are those people who are SO fun, SO kind, and EVERYONE wants to get to know!

With friendship, why not take the first step? Ask someone for coffee (my MO :-)) or to a meal (I freely admit this is way easier if you are a college student). Write someone a note just saying you've been encouraged by the way you've seen them treat people, and you hope you get to know them better! You'll at least brighten their day, and who knows if you'll hit it off and find a great friend?

And with mentors (I am PASSIONATE about this one), we so often wait for people to offer to mentor us. Now, I'm lucky- I grew up in a church with a FANTASTIC discipleship program and am now at a school which is pretty much obsessed with mentoring- I know it's not that easy for everyone. Still, I know that life just gets busier as we grow older and often it's harder for people to take that initiative than we think. I've found that if I take that first step and try and make it convenient for them (offering to babysit, stopping by during office hours), I've been able to get to know and learn from lots of people I admire. As a high school Bible study leader, I sometimes feel bad about it, but the truth is, the students who pursue me are the ones I end up spending the most time and knowing the best.

Stalking cool people... it works for me!

For more Works For Me Wednesday, visit Rocks In My Dryer.

"It is the discovery of Thy goodness alone that can

banish my fear,

allure me into Thy presence,

help me to bewail and confess my sins."

Tonight as we were leaving All-School, Matt said, "Taking communion is my favorite thing in the world."

I replied casually, "That's good, it's the best thing in the world."

And then I paused.

I use the phrase "best thing in the world" often, about a lot of different things, seriously- but not literally.

It is startling to realize we can actually make a true statement:

...that yes, there is something that is the best thing in the world.

"As they were eating, Jesus took some bread and blessed it. Then He broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, 'Take this and eat it, for this is My body.' And He took a cup of wine and gave thanks to God for it. He gave it to them and said, 'Each of you drink from it, for this is My blood, which confirms the covenant between God and His people. It is poured out as a sacrifice to forgive the sins of many.'"

Matthew 26:26-28

Bits

• Christina is coming to visit in TWO DAYS!! I am so excited. I can't even believe she will be here.

• Why, when I sit down with God with no agenda, totally exhausted of trying to perfect-ify myself/my walk with Him/my relationships/my life... does it feel so much easier to hear from Him?
  

• I DOWNLOADED SKYPE AND IT IS MY NEW FAVORITE THING.

-Heard Claire's voice for the first time in TWO MONTHS (the longest by about, oh, seven weeks since NINTH GRADE).

-Talked to the Ramsings TWICE this week. Oooomg. I almost cried. It was so fun. Basically, the entire family was in one room and Jadon was telling me about school while Charis was showing me how she can play her Ugandan flute and Kailey was chattering away in Ugandan and Nick and Becky were trying to ask me about classes... while Christine sat in the living room just staring at the awesomeness emanating from my speakers cracking up. I felt like I was back in their kitchen and it made my life. The second time was just for about fifteen minutes but it was so great. I am so grateful for that family and I miss them so much.

-And RIGHT NOW I am skype-chatting with ELISE!!!! What the HECK! Oh how I love and miss that beautiful girl.

Seriously... it's like, the best invention ever.

• Knowing that I will probably not experience fall next year really does make me notice and pay attention to it differently now. Not in a super sad way (I'll see it in two years, I mean)... but it is weird to think that something that has ALWAYS come every year I will just... not see. I feel like my rhythm will be thrown off. And it really does make me feel more appreciative of this season that has always been my favorite.
  

I've thought about this enough to think that probably, it is more symbolic of a lot of other things that will be different this time next year. (!!)

• My HNGR small group met for the first time and I LOVE IT!!! Ryan, the assistant director, and his wife are leading our group and they are SUPER cute. Really chill and warm and they made us pasta with sage they grew in their garden. So I just really like them. And Jeremiah, and my friend Megan, and my tutoring partner and friend Lauren are in it, along with two others who I'm just getting to know and really like... it's awesome. They had us say what we were like as children, which was a pretty good way to get us to talk about how we see ourselves now and also some life background/family dynamic, etc. The general vibe of the group is just very open, and I think it's going to be great to have a safe place to meet regularly to just hang out and be able to flesh out some of our expectations/fears, etc. I'm really looking forward to getting to know everyone!
  

• I miss my bosom friend and I wish I could be with her right now!
  

• Conversation with Christine (after some just fun hang out time):
  

Me: I'm so glad you exist. I had too much alone time today.

Christine: Omigosh! I love alone time, but sometimes I just get crabby from it!

Me: ME TOO! And really stressed out!

Christine: ME TOO! And it totally gives me too much room to overanalyze!

Me: ME TOO! And then don't you start imagining out conversations with people in your head?

(pause)

Christine: No.

Mm. Right. Me neither...

• Serious note...

I WAS really crabby for awhile today. Sometimes I get so frustrated and annoyed that my emotions can be so up and down. Wake up on the wrong side of the bed, have a quiet time and feel great, do some homework feeling fine, one weird remark in a conversation and I'm stressing out, five minutes with a good friend and I'm back to happy... It's easy to beat myself up about it. I know I posted this before, but I'm posting it again, because I honestly reread it probably 2-3 times a week. Thank You, God, that You are constant when I am not, and that I can cling to that, not the certainty of a good mood. Teach me to trust You even in that.

"Our emotional lives move up and down constantly. Sometimes we experience great mood swings: from excitement to depression, from joy to sorrow, from inner harmony to inner chaos. A little event, a word from someone, a disappointment in work, many things can trigger such mood swings. Mostly we have little control over these changes. It seems that they happen to us rather than being created by us.

"Thus, it is important to know that our emotional life is not the same as our spiritual life. Our spiritual life is the Spirit of God within us. As we feel our emotions shift we must connect our spirits with the Spirit of God and remind ourselves that what we feel is not who we are. We are and remain, whatever our moods, God's beloved children."

-Nouwen

Fall in Wheaton...

So Developmental Psych got cancelled on Friday...

"A photo shoot? Now?"

"Gosh, Em, I don't know..."

But who can resist leaves like these?

On a campus like this?

Not us.

Oh, snap...

Retaliation.

It was a great afternoon.

I really like my friends.

Personally...

...I think this photo should be on the front of the Wheaton catalog.

But maybe I'm biased.

My friends are cute.

Text from me: "God still has a plan for my life even if I fail this test, right?"

Chet: "A really big one." (mm, yay!)

Laura: "Remember that worry jar... in the grand scheme of things, it's nothing!" (our suite's writing down different worries and stresses of the day and sticking them in a jar together, so that later we can go back and reread them and laugh at how the things we freaked out about all worked out fine in the end)

Christine Will: "Oh most definitely! I'm pretty sure your heavenly inheritance is secure :-)" (She once wrote her parents a joking email about how she hadn't done well on something and felt like a failure- she'd actually aced it. But her dad didn't know she was joking and wrote her this long passionate reply about how she is NOT a failure, and no matter her grades her inheritance is in heaven!! So it's now our suite quote for when one of us is stressed about school).

Christine Kirschner: "YES YES YES You can do it!!" (love that girl)

and this one made me laugh...

Heather: "I love u so much and I think u are so talented." Thanks, Roomie.

fall.

It's a lay under a tree and stare at the leaves, listen to Andrew Peterson, read Celtic Daily Prayer kind of day...

Why I Love Claudia + Wedding Fun

Three months ago today, one of my best friends and the most impactful people in my life got MARRIED!! Maria-Claudia Caltabiano de Pava Cortes became... Maria-Claudia Caltabiano de Pava Cortes SIEMENS (yay Brian!!).

I was introduced to Claudia at the end of my first week of high school. She was the cool college student assigned to lead our freshman Bible study. She was really pretty and spiritual and I was really intimidated.

That ended our first meeting, though, because she made it so clear that she was so excited to be leading our group. For the rest of my life, I will conduct my first meeting of any youth Bible study exactly like Claudia did (and I have, in fact, had this exact conversation with girls in Maryland and in Wheaton).

She told us that she was far from perfect and would definitely make mistakes, but that she loved God and wanted to help us know Him better in any way she could.

She told us that we were her priority. That she wanted to be a part of our lives, and she wanted us to be involved in hers. And she really, really meant it.

If she and her (cool, older, college friends) were having a party, we were invited. We slept over her house and painted each other's bedrooms and played Mafia and she came to our sports games and dance recitals. I had been a Christian for about a year at that point- chock full of scary questions about God, and the comfort I felt with her from our hanging out made her completely accessible on spiritual matters.

Spring retreat, freshman year

As our friendship deepened, she became not just a mentor, but one of my closest friends.

At my graduation party

At the beach with friends last summer

I was so blessed to see her relationship with Brian from its beginning (they were 18 and 19!) to their engagement and MARRIAGE. The three of us took a road trip to South Carolina to do a college visit my senior year and their chemistry of love-and-ridiculousness was so much fun to be around.

At the Outer Banks on senior week (no, that's not beer in Bri's cup)

Husband and wife at last!

She is honest and wise, able to love people deeply through utter stupidity while never being afraid to inform them of how utterly stupid they're being. She is humble, quick to admit areas where she needs to grow and quick to praise God for His goodness and power. She encourages, nurtures, and cares for all who come into her path, from crazy co-workers, to special-needs friends, to our group of girls (who engaged in every variety of drama known to man over the four years she led us), to, now, her lucky husband.

I'm so honored she asked me to stand in her wedding, and I love them both!!

 Waiting for his bride

 Brian and Matty

Claudia and Mary Wolf!

The bridesmaids. We had fun.

The crazy wedding party. There's an unfortunate story to this one. Let's just say I think these particular photographers (who go to our church and are good friends) may start asking brides if Emily Goldberg is in their wedding party before they agree to take the job...

Me and the beautiful bride!

Oh, days...

I was not a happy camper this morning. I've been low on sleep all week and it's coming to a head of oversensitivity and quick-crashingness, I was feeling a little stressed about some stuff, and then I went to take my Behavioral Neuroscience exam and it was horrible.

I handed the exam to the TA, (after I asked her, since she grades the multiple choice, to please not judge me), started to head for breakfast, realized I forgot my ID card to get me in, and promptly started crying. (Because what else is there to do in such a situation, right?)

So...

I marched to Starbucks, bought myself a GRANDE Pumpkin Spice Frappaccino, AND an overpriced Pumpkin-Creamcheese Muffin, AND a BANANA, which I normally NEVER buy at Starbucks even though I always want one because I am morally opposed to paying 90 cents for something I get for free at Saga.

But desperate mornings call for desperate measures.

And then I sat at a big table in the corner and read Little Women and wrote cards for almost two hours and refused to feel guilty about any of those decisions. And it was kind of awesome.

Tons of other redeeming factors in the day...

Dr. Barwegen left me a voicemail early this morning and I hadn't gotten a chance to listen to it yet... "Hi Emily, this is Dr. Barwegen! I just wanted to call you to tell you that I'm praying for you!" Umm... oookay, thanks ridiculous encouraging woman. I started cracking up when I heard it because OF COURSE Jesus would ruin my pity party in the perfect way. Oooof course.

It was GOR-GEOUS today, 75 degrees and sunny and all the leaves were autumny and beautiful.

The Starby's barista looked really worried when I ordered, probably because I was like half-sniffly still (And probably because when I ordered the frap I was like, "Make it GRANDE! Go big or go HOME, right?!"). And when I ordered the banana he went in the back to make sure I got a fresh one cause the ones at the counter were sorta gross. Little things, man, little things.

There was a cute young family there; the pretty, pregnant mom was inside with the three-year-old-ish boy laughing as the dad mimed walking down stairs and riding in an elevator outside the big plate-glass window.

And Cat Stevens was playing.

And I have amazing friends who email me encouraging prayer messages and text me reminders that: "Don't feel bad about having a bad day. You're allowed."

And my next class was Advanced Statistics which is almost all people who also took that test. And they were all talking about how hard it was and one of them cried too and someone else apologized to the TA (we are such ridiculous Wheaton people-pleasing overachievers...). And our poor Stats prof looked really horrified and when he was reviewing for our Take-Home test he got all worried and was like "Um, I really hope this doesn't make any of you cry...". I love Wheaton profs.

The morning coffee-novel therapy cheered me up immensely, and one good convo with Christine and a great dinner with the boys and I was set. My high school girls came over tonight and we made apple cinnamon pancakes and cuddled and they are basically gorgeous.

And honestly sometimes I just need to have weepy mornings like that.

And also I like sweet gchatting-from-MEXICO (oh how i miss her) friends like these:

claire: BAHAHHAHAHA EMILY

claire: ok

1. that class sounds impossible my head hurts trying to think of what the name means

2. i love you

3. i dont have much of a list but that story is just sad and great at the same time

claire: ...do you carry little women around with you always in case of emergency?

(it is a pretty sweet cure-all... as are all of these.)

EDIT:

from a message she left while i was away:

claire: :) i just love when the right things happen ya know?

yep. i do. i am lucky.

"Your life's vocation isn't as much what you do as it is whom you serve."

Oh, crap. That pretty much puts the whole worrying-about-what-to-do-with-my-degree in perspective, doesn't it?

"...each of us is put on this earth to serve others, and your vocation is simply a matter of discerning whom you'll serve and how you'll serve them."

Honey Rock

...

Reason #898 My School Is Cooler Than Your School

College Union put on a carnival last night.

The Christian Feminists Club hosted a booth.

"Pin-the-Pants-or-Apron-on-the-Gender-Stereotype". Options included a 50s-style housewife, a girl wearing short-shorts, Martin Luther King Jr. (to represent a 'leader', and because "we didn't want the whole board to be white..."), a "sad businessman", and more.

My favorite part?

The prizes were Tootsie Rolls, Fruit Roll-ups, or rolls of TP.

Because they want to help people think about "roles".

I wouldn't say I'm a feminist, but oh how I love the people in that club.

Sassy and Sweet, That's Us

We are all in our pajamas. Christine is curled up reading in the living room. Heath is typing a paper at the kitchen table, and I'm making chocolate-chip cookies at the counter (no comments about our respective studying habits, ok?).

As I stir, all of a sudden Heather looks up from her laptop. "I really love living with you girls."

Deeply moved, I look up from my bowl, tenderly catch her eye, and place my hand over my heart. She makes the same motion and we nod together, knowing that we are so lucky. (Blog post begins to be written in my brain.)

Pause.

We both glance at Christine. She continues reading, engrossed and unaware of the Deep Love she is missing out on!

Heather clears her throat. "CHRISTINE!"

Christine looks up. "What?!"

"I said, I LOVE LIVING WITH YOU GIRLS!!"

"...Oh!" (pause) "Well... great!"

(pause)

"Oh, I mean, ME TOO!"

"It's okay, Christine, it's okay, God's teaching me through your rejection."

"Oh, well, that's good at least..."

Somehow we all ended up cuddling and praying. Laura even got out of bed to come join us. I like them.

My mother on Sarah Palin...

"If you were 17 and 5 months pregnant, I would just WAIT until I was forty-EIGHT to run for vice president!"

Thanks, Mom.

"...Who am I? This or the other?

Am I one person today and tomorrow another?

Am I both at once?

A hypocrite before others,

and before myself a contemptible woebegone weakling?

Or is something within me still like a beaten army

fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?

Who am I?

They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.

Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am thine!"

Bonhoeffer wrote that in a Nazi prison, from where he was eventually hanged for opposing Hitler.

I feel like quite a poser posting it from my autumn-decorated kitchen, in my apartment filled with roommates and love, on my campus filled with sunshine and laughter.

That said, I feel like he wrote it from my brain.

What 20 year old... slash human... can't identify with those questions? That frustration with knowing we are one person today and tomorrow another?

Thank You for the comfort that no matter how I feel, "whoever I am... I am Thine."