I am praying again, Awesome One. You hear me again...

Christine and I have been reading from Rilke's Book of Hours to pray together at bedtime. We found this one about a week ago and both loved it so much that we've read it three times since. I connect with it more every time I read/pray it...

...With my half-mouth I stammer You,
who are eternal in your symmetry.
I lift to You my half-hands
in wordless beseeching, that I may find again
the eyes with which I once beheld You...

It’s here in all the pieces of my shame
that now I find myself again.
I yearn to belong to something, to be contained
in an all-embracing mind that sees me
as a single thing.
I yearn to be held
in the great hands of Your heart–
oh let them take me now.

Into them I place these fragments, my life,
and You, God–spend them however you want.

-Rilke

10 joys of the moment

-long conversations where one or both people are figuring important things out in safe presence

-waking up and talking with my roommate while we're both still in bed

-peaceful, long-for-me (aka like 20-25 min) runs on the prairie path (especially now that i can actually breathe all the way through, yay for being on week 5 of my training! not for anything impressive)

-blossoming trees EVERYWHERE

-sitting reading alone on our back deck

-coffee dates with tamara

-rachael tuesday afternoons

-lists and piles of good books i can't wait to read, because-in-two-weeks-i'll-never-have-homework-again-and-can-read-for-pleasure-every-evening-oh-my-goodness...

-emails from Bolivia

-people speaking wisdom to me...

don't you wish your roommate was hott like mine?

Christine is now officially a certified Zumba instructor.




Our dance parties just got so much cooler.

Happy Thanksgiving, sweet friends.

"Lord God, we render praise to you as our Creator and Sustainer,
as the spring of life and source of healing.
We praise you with lips that sing,
arms that embrace,
and feet that dance.
Our praise of you is spoken before the nations
and whispered in intimate love.
Our praise happens in rocking a baby, tending a patient,
affirming a student, hearing a client,
writing a letter, phoning a friend,
reaching out, holding,
listening, waiting,
offering all You have given to us to one another.
We praise you,
Lord God,
when we remember from whence we have come and to Whom we all soon will return."

I saw that on a blog today. I couldn't find the author- but I really love it.

I had a great Thanksgiving. A lovely normal day at work (funny, Bolivian offices don't seem to close for our American holidays...), but taking girls out for ice cream and a walk in the park, chilling on the couches knitting, completing one more interview for my independent study, and a hilarious staff meeting was just right and felt like a wonderful way to spend the holiday.

And they know enough about the holiday to just shake their heads and thank me when I informed them at work that "Estoy agradecida por TI... y TI... y por TI!" (I am thankful for you, and you, and you!). When I bid them all a "Feliz Día de Acción de Gracias (isn't that a cool translation?? The Day of Action of Giving Thanks)!!!!!!!!!!!" on my way out the door they rolled their eyes but returned the greeting :-).

And then I met up with the lovely Drew and Ann and John and Jenny for an impressively traditional American-style Thanksgiving feast. So perfect.

Hope all of your Thanksgivings were so wonderful, my amazing friends and family. I am so unbelievably blessed and grateful to get to have all of you in my life.

Emily' s College Thanksgivings...

Freshman year:

Here Mary and I are with our cute grandmothers at my house for our awesome Goldberg-Gottschalk Thanksgiving Celebration!

(I love friendships that involve each other's families, I love Mayr's family in particular, and I LOVED that we all gathered and gave thanks together that year.)


And my beautiful sister.

Sophomore year:

My mom, sister, and I met up in California to celebrate Thanksgiving with my mom's fam! My cousin Jenny threw a beautiful dinner and it was so great to connect with family we don't get to see enough. Here are my Goldberg Girls with Jen and her then-new baby Connor...

Cute family, beautiful table...

...and walking on the beach in November... gotta love CA.

Junior year:

The incredibly hospitable Kirschners hosted me and I got to spend awesome quality time with Christine, her boyfriend Luke, and got to meet all of her friends from high school and her family. So special to get to know all of them and it was a definite bonding experience for our friendship.

(Don't worry my love... you're going to be back with him so soon!!!)


So very much to give thanks for.

HNGR VACA!!!!!!!!!!

I had the freaking sweetest luck with HNGR placements ever... for, well, a variety of reasons... but one really important one is that being placed in Bolivia meant my beautiful friend Christine was only one country away!!! She has been working with Paz y Esperanza in Andahyluas, Peru as a HNGR intern since June as well. We had been eagerly planning the prospect of a "HNGR Vacation" together since before we even knew if we'd been accepted to the program, and we were thrilled to actually make this dream a reality when in late October we met up for 10 blissful days of relaxation, rejuvenation, processing, praying, laughing, and crying.

This picture was taken about an hour after we were reunited at the La Paz airport. After hugging and crying for about ten straight minutes (haha you think I'm kidding...), we grabbed our bags, headed straight for the nearest café, and ordered whatever chocolate cake they had on the menu. (We couldn't decide between two varieties, so we ordered both!) This pretty much represents how we spent a LARGE portion of our time. We got the most decadent dessert available at EVERY place we went to... EVERY single day.

Here Christine is in our cute hostal room, where we stayed the first night...

So happy to be together after five months!!


We had a blast exploring La Paz!!! I'd never been there before, and every city in Bolivia really is so different.


We sheepishly confessed to each other that for whatever reason, we were both CRAVING to see a movie. A real movie. In English. In a movie theater. Some sort of lame, Hollywood, boy-meets-girl, pop-music soundtrack, movie. And so we found a movie theater in La Paz and went... and FREAKED OUT.

"WE'RE IN A REAL LIVE MOVIE THEATERRR!!"

Talk about culture shock!!! First off, this theater puts most American theaters to shame- it was massive. When after almost five months of South American life we walked in and saw the CARPETED floors, the neon lights, the fast food everywhere, our jaws dropped and our palms started sweating and we tried to remember how to be Americans... it was a little insane. It makes me kind of scared for what's going to happen the first time I go to Target...


We spent most of our time in La Paz staying with some friends of Christine's family, the Kittelsons, who are missionaries there. They are wonderful and were unbelievably hospitable to us. We loved getting to know them!!



We went on a bunch of great hikes...

Including getting caught in a rainstorm one time! (It was well worth it.)

Breathtaking views with a precious friend. Is there much better?

After five days in La Paz, we headed off to Copacabana, a small town about three hours (by both bus and boat!) away, which is right on Lago Titicaca- the highest lake in the world. And in my opinion, maybe the most beautiful. There, we spent five more days, taking long walks together along the edge of this:

(I know right!)


And doing a whole lot of this:

(And eating more chocolate at every opportunity.)

Does it get much better?

Anyway... the trip was absolutely incredible. The Kittelsons were perfect hosts, La Paz was a blast, Copacabana was absolutely gorgeous.

But honestly, I think that had we been staying in a tiny motel room in an alley somewhere and it had rained the whole week, I still would have been totally happy. The best part was just being with Christine. We got to share our hearts, tell some of the stories we've heard here, laugh together over the joys and goofs of the last few months. We got to cry over our own failings that we've come face to face with as we've lived out of our comfort zones, over how much we miss our friends and family back home, over the injustices and horrors we have seen and heard and not been able to do anything about. We were able to affirm, enjoy, and pray for each other, and speak God's truth to each other's hearts- that He could not love us more even if we had been "the perfect HNGR interns". That He is doing more than we can see or imagine, in the lives of the people that we have grown to love so much here, and in our own. That there is fruit in both of our hearts and lives from this time, and there will be more.

It was a priceless, priceless trip, and it will be one of my favorite memories forever. I could not be more grateful to have gotten to do it, and to have gotten to share that time with one of my best friends.

I love you so much, Christine!!!!! Thank you for sharing this time and your heart with me, and thank you for encouraging mine more than I could ever say.

Yeah, I know, I'm blogging a lot this week...

And I have another couple posts half-written to go up later. But, this is about linking to someone else, I didn't even write this one!

Several of my sweet friends in the States have made it clear I'm invited to share what I'm seeing and hearing with them, even the angst, even the hard stuff (love you roommates, and lots of others too). This means more than I can say. But, I don't want to yet. I can't put some of this stuff into words in an email. I will, I promise, but right now, I just don't want to. I figure that saying "I'm working with teenage girls who were physically and sexually abused" gives a pretty good idea, and some of the stories... I just don't want to yet. Besides, how do I tell the stories when you don't get to see their faces, hear them laugh, play volleyball with them and cuddle with them watching a movie? I'm in this torn place where sometimes I DO want to, sometimes I want to shout their stories to the kind woman chatting with me in a taxi cab who asks me what I do here, to put them in every email to everyone I know who will listen. I want the horrors of it to be known. But I need to think about the fact that whoever's listening is going to have to go on with their day, and unlike me, they don't have the privilege of making these stories, their day.

And even more than that... I don't want my girls to just become horror statistics, labels, faceless tragedies. Because they're SO not. How do I tell these stories in a way that lets you understand how beautiful they are? How much healing and joy they really have experienced? That God does have a plan for them, that He is carrying it out and there is goodness in their lives? That really... they are normal girls? I can't stand to not tell the stories, and I can't stand to tell them, because neither gives the full picture. Someday I'll sit with some of you and I'll tell the stories, and we will all cry. And then I'll show you their pictures and some of the movies we've taken, of all of us sitting around the lunch table and laughing as we eat our soup, or doing a dance to some "reggaetón". And hopefully the horror will seem real in a way that moves us all to pray, but the beauty and normalcy of these girls will seem even realer in a way that makes us praise.

Wow... ok... never mind... I guess I did have something to say. (That was all one big stream-of-consciousness...) So much for Ingrid, I guess I'm back to angst... :-)

BUT, the reason I originally started to post was because the lovely and amazing Christine, one of my best friends and my future roommate, just wrote a beautiful post on her current HNGR experience working with domestically abused women in Peru. She did dare to tell some of the stories, and it really captures both the horror and the joy, in the way I wish I could. So I wanted to link to her to give you all more of a glimpse into some of the things I can't write about, yet.

So go read :-) thanks for putting up with me, friends. Love and miss you all...

Random + Birthday

I am currently sitting in a lovely Barnes & Noble café working on my online class (the fact that I am updating my blog gives you an idea of how impressively productive I am being!!).

And I had to parallel park to get here, which I did perfectly. It took me more than 5 minutes (of sloowwwlyy backing in and out and turning by two degrees at a time...) and a cold sweat, but I did it! And I didn't hit anything! And I don't even mind that I'm pretty sure the people sitting nearby were laughing at me.

And this Barnes & Noble has officially the best loudspeaker-playlist I've ever heard. I'm completely freaking out with joy. So far I've heard Joshua Radin, Tracy Chapman, Nickel Creek, and the Once soundtrack. Seriously?!


And... this beautiful girl was born 21 years ago yesterday!! (Isn't that a great picture? Props to Dan Lin, HNGR's resident amazing photographer)

I love you Christine Kirschner, my sweet future roommate!

One of the most generous-spirited, compassionate, funny, authentic, passionate people I know.

Thank you for all the love, walks, talks, affirmation, venting, for helping me to laugh at myself but never laughing at me, for always reminding me that my salvation's not dependent on whatever stressful paper we have, for being honest about who you are and what you're learning and having a humble heart, for loving psychology with me, for working to understand the Gospel and people and teaching me so much about both, for inviting me into your home and your family, for wanting friendship to be about sharing real life, for crying more when I got into HNGR than when you did, for letting me make you go on spontaneous coffee dates with me even when you're tired...
for sharing your life and heart with me...
You are amazing and so many people love being your friend.
I can't imagine doing HNGR (or college, or life) without you!
I love you so much. I can't wait to hike Macchu Picchu!

Prayers of friends.

Last Friday Elise made Christine and I a special breakfast.

Christine, Elise and me at the HNGR Commissioning Dinner, 4/21/09

It was special for a variety of reasons. I love Elise and Christine, for starters (see above photo for details). I also love eating and it is an acknowledged fact that Elise makes a freakin' sweet batch of scrambled eggs. And it was also the last real time we'd have together before the blonde chick graduates and the two of us vamos al América del Sur.


I've loved Elise since the first semester of freshman year, starting with the big friendship crush I had on the cool girl who worked at the front desk and went to Amy's church and everyone I knew adored. She came over for hot chocolate and we sat on my bed and bonded. I've loved Christine since the second semester of sophomore year (which freaks me out I've only known her that long), but we were fated to be friends and one night last spring after our second meeting she spontaneously dropped by for tea... and stayed three hours. We bonded too.


Few things could just make any day better than one of those girls. I've learned from them daily about honesty, about friendship, about wanting to see God in hard-to-see-Him places.


Elise returned in December from a six-month HNGR internship in Kolkatta, India. Christine and I leave in less than a month for our six-month HNGR internships in Peru and Bolivia.
We talked about that. We talked about the last year, and the last few months, and the coming summer, and our friends and our families and our God- as well as the Twilight series, language learning, and poetry that MUST be brought on one's internship (Rilke, appparently). We laughed and chatted and sat on her bedroom floor eating and talking for three hours. Because it's what we do.


And THEN, when I thought I was going to make it without crying, Elise is all, "So I hope you guys don't think this is too voodoo but..." and pulls out pieces of paper with our names on them and two small, perfect crystals. She tells us that she got them in Tibet when she was on her internship, and that she wanted to send something with us on HNGR, but wasn't sure what to send. Space is limited, books are heavy... and she said what she really wanted to send with us was her prayers.

"So I held these, and I prayed into them for you."

Um, forget voodoo, try beautiful.

This is what was written on my paper:

"May the blessing of light be on you- light without and light within. May the blessed sunlight shine on you like a great and warming fire, so that stranger and friend may warm themselves at it. And may light shine out of your two eyes, like a candle set in the windows of a house, bidding the wanderer come in out of the storm.

And may the blessing of rain be upon you, may it beat upon the spirit of you and wash it fair and clean, and leave there a shining pool where the blue of Heaven shines, and sometimes a star.

And may the blessing of the earth be upon you, soft under your feet as you pass along the roads, soft under you as you lie out on it, tired at the end of day.

And now may the Lord bless you, and bless you kindly.

I LOVE YOU! And I'm praying this for you."


We talk a LOT in HNGR (slash in life) about how much it will mean to know people are praying for us when we're on our internships (slash living our lives).


But it still overwhelms me sometimes... just how blessed I am.

Quote of the Day

"We are going to learn SO MUCH! Look how much there is to learn."

-beautiful Christine Emilie Kirschner, as we sit stressed over our laptops in the Stupe.

It's true. My education is an amazing gift. I love learning.

I just suck at writing papers. But, I LOVE FREAKING LEARNING. Heck yes.

*takes big deep breath... continues work on Spanish paper...*

My friends are cute.

Text from me: "God still has a plan for my life even if I fail this test, right?"

Chet: "A really big one." (mm, yay!)

Laura: "Remember that worry jar... in the grand scheme of things, it's nothing!" (our suite's writing down different worries and stresses of the day and sticking them in a jar together, so that later we can go back and reread them and laugh at how the things we freaked out about all worked out fine in the end)

Christine Will: "Oh most definitely! I'm pretty sure your heavenly inheritance is secure :-)" (She once wrote her parents a joking email about how she hadn't done well on something and felt like a failure- she'd actually aced it. But her dad didn't know she was joking and wrote her this long passionate reply about how she is NOT a failure, and no matter her grades her inheritance is in heaven!! So it's now our suite quote for when one of us is stressed about school).

Christine Kirschner: "YES YES YES You can do it!!" (love that girl)

and this one made me laugh...

Heather: "I love u so much and I think u are so talented." Thanks, Roomie.