Oh, home.

Matt's dad put it all into words better than I could.

I guess I am developing a theme for the week here... but it seems appropriate for the holiday.

I know I'll keep thinking about this, probably for the rest of my life to some degree. As I start thinking more seriously about going into missions, especially, I need to face the fact that I may be leaving places and people that will never be the same when I return.

Matt and I were talking recently about how sometimes God doesn't let you know how hard something will be until you get there. So often looking back I'm like, 'Whoa, if I had known ahead of time that was how it was going to be I would never have done it'. Exactly, but I'm always glad I did; I'm better at picturing the difficulty than I am the grace and joy to be provided. Looking ahead, there's sort of an awareness that things will be hard, but I don't know the specifics. That makes it easier to go ahead and do what I think I'm supposed to do. Then when I get there, the pain does come, but in the context of all the joys of the situation it's not as bad as I would have thought. Or maybe it is as bad; it's just so clearly worth it. But that's the part I couldn't have pictured before; and God knew that, so He didn't show me more than I needed to know.

Honestly, if I had realized how much my relationships with home, with CpR, with various people, would change when I went away to Wheaton, I might not have gone. I'm glad I didn't know, because now I'm glad I'm here.

Anyway, here's some from Todd's post. Read more here.

"I read that you can never step twice into the same river. Ohio changed. I’ve changed. I can't return to that Ohio 'home' expecting it all to be the same...

It adds texture to the idea of being a 'stranger and pilgrim' in this world when you've lived outside of the state where you were born. I mean, if you haven’t moved around, sold, given away or just thrown away your stuff…If you haven’t felt the raw void in your heart of a relationship that will never be the same because of the distance, how can you connect ‘pilgrim’ to anything other than Thanksgiving or John Wayne? (emphasis mine)

Home and pilgrims and all that stuff, it’s not about things, geography or language. I think it comes down to relationships. It’s not the house I grew up in or where I used to hunt quail with Dad. Home is not a house—it’s those few people with whom I’ve shared the deepest parts of my heart and life.

...As deep and sweet and painful (I'm crying right now) as those feelings are, they help me understand that the profound longings and emotions in my heart are not to be stifled, but they point me to Christ." (emphasis mine again)

Yep.

(Thanks for making me cry, too Todd :-))