Sunday, September 23, 2012

.even before i fully recognize my guest.

I had the kind of day where you just know you're where you're supposed to be,
doing what you're supposed to be doing,

and you can actually see that hey, ok God, maybe You actually are weaving things on purpose.

it was some much-needed and prayed for confirmation,
and balm to my so-often-worrying soul.


lest this post suggest something exciting or important happened today,
that's exactly the point:
it didn't.

i went to the church i love
and hugged people i love
and distractedly, but sincerely, worshipped the God i really do love.

i had a couple meaningful phone conversations,
short and nothing terribly exciting,
but checking in and hearing the voices of people i love and miss.

two sisters from church, ages 9 and 14, texted me that they were walking in my neighborhood and asked if they could stop by.
i said of course.
they came, bringing joy and energy and stories of their walk (and a dog).
i said i would love if they stayed if they didn't mind if i did my homework.
their dad brought their homework (and picked up the dog),
and we sat in my cozy living room
and i helped the older one with her algebra
and started scoring an iq assessment.
the younger one ran around excitedly lighting every candle in my house (there are about twenty-five or so, scattered on windowsills and in mason jars throughout).

we finished homework and baked applesauce bread.

their mom picked them up.

and now i am curled up on my couch alone,
doing more homework,
to serve the God i love
by developing the passion He gave me.

my little house smells like french vanilla and applesauce and pumpkin spice,
thanks to the bread and the candles,
which are still flickering around me.

what did i do today?
nothing much.
i didn't plan anything exciting for the girls:
i shared my space, paid them attention, and created a memory with them.
i didn't counsel anyone back from trauma:
i practiced scoring assessments.
i didn't change my friends' worlds:
i celebrated and mourned with them our small joys and burdens,
i connected with two other lives,
hopefully encouraged,
definitely was encouraged.

i didn't crazily glorify God,
but i walked with Him
and tried to let Him use me.
feeling very ordinary
and that my life is small
but so sweet.


i can cognitively know that my small life
matters to Him
and that it's okay that it is small,
but i've been asking Him anyway-
is it really?

the unfolding of these events
some details to the various conversations
and maybe most of all the sense of peace
are sweet reminder.

we are all called differently,
different places,
different actions,
different people to love.

small and unhelpful as my offerings may seem to me sometimes,
i think He might actually have planned them.
me in right now
might actually be on purpose.


Eric Muhr said...

A normal day often carries its own kind of blessing.

Christine W said...

you inspire me, dear, dear friend. miss you and love you sooo much.

Human Needs Global Resources Covenant, 2009

As fellow travelers on this journey, we commit to this covenant before God. Lord, in Your mercy, hear these our prayers:

When confronted with scarcity, need, and inadequacy, may we be nourished by the Bread of Life and the Cup of Salvation. Abundance overflows from Your table, sustaining all who come in faith. Father, help us.

When monotony blurs our vision and dulls our senses, may we encounter others as Christ did, through intentional presence in daily life, submitting as clay to be formed into vessels filled with the Spirit. Christ, guide us.

When wounded by the fractured condition of Your people, may we be united by Your Lordship in faith, hope, and love; seeing, as through the facets of a diamond, the beautiful spectrum of Your light reflected onto Your holy Church joined in praise. Spirit, empower us.

When all Creation groans, afflicted by injustice and driven to despair, may the promise of redemption root us in the hope of Your Kingdom: "Behold, I am making all things new!"

Holy Trinity, send us now into the world in peace, and grant us strength and courage to love and serve You with gladness and singleness of heart.