More on vulnerability.

"I am uneasy. Can I trust my insights given the fact that I have been short-sighted before? Do I recognize the limits of my understanding?

...I have found that I cannot do theology that lets go of vulnerability. Vulnerability is just too deeply part of my faith. But more about that later."

-from After the Locusts by Denise Ackermann (HIGHLY recommended)

Oh, how I identified with the excerpt from that book we were assigned to read for HNGR last month. I loved the quote on vulnerability. Yes, I thought, I cannot let go of vulnerability. It is too big a part of my life, of my worldview on how to connect with others, encourage them, to allow myself to grow.

Under it, though, I wrote, "What does it mean for vulnerability to be a part of my faith?". For a long time, most dramatically over the last year and a half or so, the concept of making myself be vulnerable and trying (not always successfully) to be a safe place for others to be vulnerable has been a defining theme in my relationships. How can we accept God´s love if we do not feel loved by others? How can we feel loved by others if we do not feel known by others? And there is no way to allow ourselves to be truly known without making ourselves vulnerable, without taking risks in what and how and when we share. How thankful I am for those people who have made themselves safe for me, teaching me to do this in the best way.

But what does it mean for vulnerability to be a part of my faith? Of my theology?

But then I looked up a few lines farther to the first part of that quote, which I had identified with all too well also. "Can I trust my insights given the fact that I have been short-sighted before? Do I recognize the limits of my understanding?". How scared I am at times to ponder the things I´ve been pondering here, to attempt to make decisions about lifestyle and prayer and seeking to honor God in different ways. How can I draw conclusions?? I´ve been wrong so many times before. My views on God and living for Him have changed. My views on how I can best love the people around me have changed. How do I know how to proceed? What will I feel later? What will I wish I´d done or said or lived differently?

I´ve continued to think and pray and meditate on that question, on what it means for vulnerability to be part of my faith. I believe in its power so much in friendships, I want to incorporate it more into my spiritual life, too. Could it mean in part, living to honor God as best I can understand right now, without knowing if it´s EXACTLY the right thing? Does it maybe include taking steps to pray and share and love and work on faith, without a guarantee of being glad of them later, with the possibility I may have to change and apologize and restructure and do things differently later?

And I´m sure it means so many other things, too.

How is vulnerability part of your faith?