HNGR HNGR thoughts

(For a change and all.)

At the end of the year, HNGR asks everyone to write down one specific prayer request they'd like the group and others to be praying for them over the course of their internship. After a lot of thought and prayer and for a variety of reasons, what I wrote down was that I would "truly desire to know God HIMSELF and to seek His face (Phil 3:10, Hos 6), that He would reveal Himself to me and be my true and living Bread".

(I'm pretty sure anyone who reads this would have gotten my email about that, so sorry for the repetition :-)).

A few days ago I got an email from Kendra, my beautiful small group leader and dear friend, that made me cry (getting to know her and Ryan and spending time in their great home was so one of the best and most unexpected blessings of this year). Among other cool things, it said this:

"...And when life there isn't the sort of thing you want to gulp up because it's painful and burns, I pray that you will find solace, peace, and rejuvenation in a deepened understanding of God."

I thought that was beautiful and as I've kept rereading that email the last few days, I've realized more and more also how maybe God will answer that prayer in a cyclical way. That, as Kendra prayed, I will find peace in a deepened understanding of Him, but then also that the experience of Him being my rejuvenation and hope (and seeing Him being others') when some of what I see or the stories I hear seem too "painful and burning" will teach me things about Him that I wouldn't know otherwise.

On some small level the last couple weeks as I've been a little emo about missing Wheaton people (which I always get emo about at the beginning of a break, but now I'm a special version of "And-I-won't-even-see-them-for-MONTHS-AND-MONTHS-AND-MONNNTHHSSS!!!!!"-emo), I've learned more about God. As I've worried and whined about not seeing or talking to the people I love as easily and comfortably as I'm used to, He's reminded me that He'll still be with me and with them. When I'm fretting about missing people I'm used to bringing me comfort, He's reminded me that HE'll give me the comfort I need. And if I'm getting comfort from that now (in Maryland) I can't even imagine how much it will mean to me three months into my internship when I'm missing everyone so much it hurts.

I can't learn that specific aspect of His character and couldn't experience Him being my true "bread" and sustenance, if I'm not willing to go through the "painful and burning" and lonely parts. I'm glad I don't have to know what they all are today, but I am excited and grateful for the chance to learn them over the next year. (Slash freaked out, but I know there will be grace for one day at a time).