Happy Birthday to the Coolest Woman I Know...

...My mother.

Who's amazing.

And who I miss. A lot.

Happy to be on the beach, her favorite place...

If you know my mom, I'm sure you think she's amazing, too. (And if you don't know her, you should meet her, I promise you'll laugh a lot and definitely be fed way more food than you knew you needed!).

In a thank-you note to my mom for a graduation present, my BFF Christina wrote,
"You're every girl's dream best-friend's-mom. Funny, but true!" (I love that).
It is true. From genuinely caring about my friends' lives and providing a sympathetic ear (or indignant comment, if the story is one of a jerky significant other, for example), offering to let them live with her for the summer to complete a Baltimore internship, driving everyone around for the entirety of our middle-school careers, or just providing mountains of nachos and slice and bake cookies, she makes all of Al's and my friends feel comfortable and cared for in our home.
For homecoming one year, we planned a sleepover at my house. Unbeknownst to me, one of my good friends had not-so-great a time at the dance and went home early. She called my house and asked my mom what time she was expecting the rest of the crowd. My mom's reply? "Oh, I have no idea, but come on over and hang out with me!". I walked in a couple hours later to find them snuggled under a blanket watching a movie. Obviously.With my roommates at Macaroni Grill this winter :-)


This year I had a bad cough that resulted in a scary ER trip and a million and five blood tests, etc. It turned out to be nothing serious but she still wondered if she should come out to school to be with me. I assured her no, absolutely not, I was fine... hung up the phone... ran into my freshman roommate and burst into tears that I wanted my mom. Her response was, "Emily, I know your mom. She'd want to come." I called her back and only managed to say, "Mom... can you come?" before starting to cry again, but I needn't have worried- she'd already bought a plane ticket. She was there 18 hours later to hold my hand and take me to the doctor and just be with me in that reassuring way only moms have. (This story still makes me tear up just to write.)
Checking on her poor sick daughter...

She's incredibly inclusive. I love that we had a rule growing up that birthday parties either had to be small or invite the whole class- none of this who's-in-who's-out business. If it was more work for her, so be it, rather than have anyone's feelings be unnecessarily hurt.

She came to visit Wheaton in October and we had an awesome time... she was extremely proud of herself for painting this beautiful mug with palm trees on it:


She's one of the most encouraging people in the entire world. My entire life I've found cards in my backpack, sock drawer (true story), on my pillow for no particular reason... "Dear Emily, I am so glad I am your mom, Love, Mom", "Dear Emily, I love you more than the moon and the stars, Love, Mom". When I got to Bolivia I opened my suitcase and sure enough, there was a card for my first night.


She's hilarious and playful. Take this for an example:
(If you can't read it, the sign says, "Please take care of me, Thanks, A Little Green Suitcase"). Similar notes have been left from "Your Messy Room" and "The Dishes You Should Do".

One time she was having a dinner party and decided there's no reason that life should be boring just because they're not teenagers anymore... so as a throwback... she made it hippie themed... complete with costumes and a joint-rolling contest (using oregano!). (Don't be mad at me for posting that, it's hilarious).My mom with some of her cool friends who she has hippie-themed dinner parties with... Oh! At a baseball game... that's another thing... she's obsessed with the Orioles.

She makes me cool birthday cakes with hearts on them like this:If I were there I would make you a cake, Mama!


Throughout my senior year of high school, she packed me a lunch every day, and of course the napkin always read, "Have a Great Day Love Mom!!!". This is a big joke in our family... after Allie's last day they had a big ceremonial Last-Lunch-Packing Moment of her motherhood career... and then the next week Al sheepishly remembered that her finals actually went over the lunch period and would she mind continuing this job just a few more days? She didn't mind.


She loves surprising the people she loves. Last summer when I lived with the Maloys one time after a bad day at work I came home to find a Kohl's bag hanging off the doorknob with my name written on it and a pretty pink shirt. (And of course, a note that read, "Love, the Shirt Fairy"). Frequently in my school days she'd show up at lunch with take out from Panera or Mad City.

One hard summer in high school, she woke me up one day with, "Get up, we're going white water tubing". She'd decided the moping needed something fun to shake itself off and had googled "Day Trips near Maryland", found a place that offered affordable river activities, and within an hour drove us off to West Virginia for the day. It's still one of my favorite memories.


She puts up with me even at my most weepy, irrational, or irritable, and knows when to make me finish whatever's stressing me out and when I need to take a break. The day before I left, she took one look at the overwhelmed expression on my face and said "I think you need a bagel and hummus" and whisked me off for lunch, even though we still had so much to do. The tasks were easier after that, as she knew they would be, in her mom way.

She's ridiculously competitive and annoyingly good at Scrabble.

She's one of the most creatively talented people I know... she sews like an expert without ever using patterns and can put a room together in a way I've never seen anyone else do:
The gorgeous quilt she made me for my freshman year of college.

The wall in our kitchen... who else would know how to put pictures together like that??
Our home is beautiful because of her efforts.
(She also figured out how to hang the curtains in my impossible-to-hang-curtains-in dorm room so well that half the floor copied).



This is the Goldberg Girls out to dinner for her birthday last year, at the restaurant where we always have our celebrations. When I talked to her this morning she told me that she and Allie are going there tonight, and, in her words, "It kind of sucks that you won't be there". I agree.


I miss my mom sooo much... but I couldn't do this trip without her love and support. Despite the fears and hassles that come with having a kid traipsing across the world, she has provided consistent encouragement, support, snuggling, detail-provisions (Visa application, anyone?), and always the belief that I can do this. We all need our moms to believe in us and mine always, always does, even when I don't believe in myself. I'm so, so, so lucky.
She's one of the most compassionate, integrity-filled, thoughtful, funny, caring people I know and she's done an amazing job showing me and Allie that she loves being our parent.

OK... now I'm crying. I miss my mom.

I love you more than the moon and the stars, Mom.

Come in! Enter my small life!

"Lord! Give me courage and love to open the door and constrain You to enter, whatever the disguise You come in, even before I fully recognize my guest.
Come in! Enter my small life!
Lay Your sacred hands on all the common things and small interests of that life and bless and change them. Transfigure my small resources, make them sacred. And in them give me Your very self."

-Evelyn Underhill

I love this prayer and have been praying it all week. It was sent to me in a card by my beautiful friend Katerina, and the words she wrote are just as wonderful:

"...When you feel hindered by your own resources, remember that our Lord is a God of small things. God will allow constraint of God´s own self to enter and make useful and holy the small amounts of love that you invite God to use and bless. What humble divinity we serve! What to us is all impatience and frustration and guilt, to God is an occasion for grace, for abundance (remember the loaves and fish?) and for Christ to show through you."

I wrote this on my layover two weeks ago but hadn´t gotten a chance to post it yet.

I was afraid to even write this post because I worried that it would be bragging. But as the lovely Christine Will put it, “EMILY! You’re not BRAGGING, you’re talking about the ways God has BLESSED YOU!”

So. With that permission…

A few weeks ago Matty asked me how I was feeling about leaving for Bolivia. When I paused for breath about half an hour later (literally... poor Matt :)), and thought about what I’d just said, to my surprise I noticed that a relatively small portion of it had actually had to do with my upcoming six months. Instead, most of it had revolved around how awesome the end of my time at school had been, how much I love my roommates and friends, etc, etc. Seemingly nothing to do with HNGR (well, except for the parts when I was talking about how much I love HNGR people), right?

Except that, I´m discovering (as I have every other time I´ve done something new and potentially scary), taking risks, stepping out on faith, pushing my comfort zone, etc… is made so much easier when there is solid ground beneath of inspiring examples, of love, prayers, and support.

I leave for Bolivia today, with three letters in my purse labeled “Open on the plane!” (and several more in my suitcase, yay for moms and bosom friends); with a calendar for every month I’ll be gone with pictures of the last three years with my roommates decorating every page (and every Bolivian holiday marked! :)); with a journal with pages numbered for every day, and little notes written in like, “Day 79, August 31. We are starting classes and missing you!”; with a handmade flag to hang above my bed, inscribed with meaningful prayers. I leave having had three friends voluntarily wake up at 5:15 in the morning to hug me goodbye (I would NEVER do that. Not because I wouldn’t want to, my body just wouldn’t). I leave having gotten to have awesome conversations this week with friends and family in Germany and Hungary; Texas, Tennessee, Illinois, and Oregon. I leave with quality time in my living room, at IHOP, Starbucks, Mayr’s car, and Mary Wolf’s kitchen under my belt and filling my love tank (CHEESY BUT TRUE). I leave having been prayed for and affirmed and assisted and hugged and cried with.

Today as I sat on the plane on its way to my layover in Argentina, I realized that for the first time ever my first move when I got off a plane couldn’t be to reach for my cell phone. I realized that today I would meet my host family and my boss and learn how to get to work, and tomorrow (!) I will be traveling by myself through Cochabamba to get to my internship. Me… Emily Goldberg… walking through a strange city where everyone speaks another language… by herself. This by the girl who must drag at least one girlfriend with her every time she has to go to the bathroom in a restaurant.

And it occurred to me that this is probably the most “on my own” I’ve ever been, and I waited for a wave of feeling very, very alone to hit me.

But it didn’t.

There haven´t been many times I´ve felt less alone, or more grateful or blessed.

hola!

i´m still in bolivia (duh)!

hngr has us take a day off every week to do reading slash breathe, which is a really lovely idea on their part... mine are fridays, so today i took the public transportation into the city and walked to this big beautiful plaza near my work. i sat on a bench and read ¨Poverty, Power, and the Kingdom of God¨ by Jayakumar Christian, which i highly recommend, and ate empanadas and a strawberry-peach juice for lunch. yum.

funniest conversation i´ve had here so far:
some of the kids at work know a few english phrases and LOVE trying them out on the gringas. the funny part is that sometimes they can parrot them but don´t know what they mean, so they´ll say, ¨Como se dice¨(how do you say) "(english phrase) en espanol?" ie, "good morning, how are you", etc.
So this one girl is doing this with me and she says, "Como se dice ´how do you say´, en espanol?". So I replied, "Como se dice". She said, "Si, COMO SE DICE, how do you say?". Right... "COMO SE DICE." She got increasingly frustrated, "Si, si, como se dice, pero QUE ES LA SIGNIFICA DE how do you say??!!" (´What is the meaning of how do you say´). "Como se dice ES la significa de How do you say!! Son igual!! Como se dice ES how do you say!"
She just looked at me and then we both started cracking up. It was very Who´s on First.

My host brother also knows some English phrases...
Last night, "Emiliana!" "Si?" (Pause as he tries to say it correctly) "Yes... weee... cannn!" Lol.

i´m feeling more and more comfortable here as i get a little bit more familiar with the city...
my intense spanish classes start next week! 4 hours a day/3 days a week. wahoo! i am excited (seriously). i really like my teacher (its at the missionary language school!) and i am excited to be able to communicate more with people here...

thank you so much to everyone who´s emailed, prayed, generally been wonderful... i feel so supported and it is soo encouraging to hear from people and know that even tho im not with yall we are praying for each other and cheering each other on...

loveeee,
em

Boliviaaa!

I´m here!!

So much to say... it feels like I´ve been here much longer than a week.

I´m going to try and get an email update out with logistical information-y things this week, but I thought I would just update to blog world... I have lots of quotes, random stories, and thoughts floating around my head that normally I would post on my blog but I felt like I couldn´t til I did an official I ARRIVED IN BOLIVIA update. Just my compartmentalizing side...

So yes I´m here!
I really like my host family. The kids are cute and call me hermana mayor (big sister)... except for when they call me gringa and laugh :). I have my own cozy room, although the kids enjoy coming in any time I retire to it for more than three minutes, but I love that.

I´m still figuring out what I´m supposed to be doing/will be doing at work, but I really like all the people!

I took public transportation by myself for the first time last night (home from work- don´t worry Mom, it was still daylight!! :-)) and to work this morning. I felt VERY proud of myself as the thought of trying to navigate the crazy system was enough to have me almost in tears the first couple days. There are a bunch of official cars called "Trufees" which have numbers on them indicating what route they take. You flag down the one which is going your route, and then just tell the driver where to stop when you get there. It requires knowing exactly where you´re going, speaking some Spanish, and not minding insane drivers, all of which freak me out somewhat, but so far so good!

The food is delicious but SO MUCH. I am glad I ordered my bridesmaid dress for Laura´s wedding in Jan a size too big!

Spanish is not as overwhelming as I thought it would be, and so far I´´m actually having fun with that... I think it helps that a lot of people speak English at work, even tho I feel slightly guilty about using it.

Homesickness has not been as overwhelming as I thought it would be either, but I predict that will come. Looking at pictures of people the other night almost made me cry.

Thank you for praying for me!!! I miss all ofyou!! I will write more soon :)

Looooooooove
your bolivia daughter/sister/cousin/roommate/friendddd

On a completely Un-HNGR related note!

My sister graduated from high school this month!!!!!

Yay, Al!!!

Third from the left.

With the proud parents.

And the proud sister!

I love this pic.

The fam! Wahoo! We're so proud... :-)

Dear Packing,

You stress me out.

Love,
Emily


P.S... My child-of-psychotherapists-self wonders if maybe considering tears over not knowing how many tank tops to bring is representative of perhaps feeling slightly sad about not seeing people I love for six months/unsure of what my life is going to look like in TWO DAYS/scared about my Spanish skills and a lot else/overwhelmedly excited about this new adventure.

My has-spent-lots-of-time-with-Matt-Maloy-and-his-wise-words-self wonders if it also maybe has something to do with having gotten not nearly enough sleep last night.

:-)

Packin' on, packin' on...

I read this the other day and it was so just what I needed.

Yay Oswald Chambers, I just love you.

"What are you fearing? Whatever it may be, you are not a coward about it- you are determined to face it, yet you still have a feeling of fear. When it seems that there is nothing and no one to help you, say to yourself, "But 'The Lord is my helper' this very moment, even in my present circumstances." Are you learning to listen to God before you speak, or are you saying things and then trying to make God's Word fit what you have said? Take hold of the Father's assurance, and then say with strong courage, "I will not fear." It does not matter what evil or wrong may be in our way, because "He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you'"..."

-My Utmost for His Highest, entry for June 5

Holler.

Bits: HONEY ROCK, Randomnipity, and another Matt's Birthday!

*I'm at Honey Rock, Wheaton's campus in the Northwoods of Wisconsin, for two weeks taking classes! I'm taking Christian Thought and Canoeing/Kayaking, my 1-credit gym class. Christian Thought is awesome- the prof, Dr. Bacote, is great and the material's really interesting. Canoeing is also great... however, it really is amazing to me that I can be SO BAD at SO MANY sports. I mean really, what do kickball and canoeing have in common? Virtually nothing, yet my experience with them is uncannily similar (ie, problematic). Still, I love being on water and the prof is very patient (slash quite perplexed that I can't just do what he says when he goes, "Great, now quickly do a 180 degree turn with just a rotation of your wrist!" Uh...)

*IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL HERE. I don't have my camera but here's some from when I came up with friends in the fall.

*I think it's also a really good transition for HNGR. Some time to be with God in nature, and slightly out of my comfort zone/not with 1000 of my closest friends (although everyone here is so nice... and they speak the same language as I do, which I'm trying to particularly enjoy).

*Before I came to Honey Rock I got to stay with Sarah! I love her so much. Seeing as she's the indirect reason I'm even doing HNGR, it seemed fitting that she'd be one of the last people I quality-timed it with before I head off... slash it was just really important for my heart and life. And we had breakfast with Nate and Elise which turned into an all day event, which are of course really the best kind of breakfasts. Yay for friends. It was a really good weekend.

*I really liked this quote about theology Dr. Bacote read us:

"The goal of applied theology is that grace may intervene to turn information into wisdom. Its goal is nourishment and transformation of the soul... that God's grace may reshape the seeker."
-Ellen Charry

It was especially timely because part of the breakfast with Sarah, Nate and Elise involved a discussion of theology that had me moaning about "BUT WHAT IF WE JUST WANT TO LIKE JESUS!". Which is you know... not the most critically thinking mindset necessarily... its good to remember that theology helps to know God which helps to love Him; I'm glad Wheaton emphasizes that.

*Email from my cute mother:
"Hi honey,
I know HNGR focuses on aTtitude issues (i.e. positive, enthusiastic, spiritual etc.)... but have you given thought to the aLtitude issues in Bolivia?..."

*And... Matthew Hiltibran turned 21 today!
I posted a tribute last year so this time I'll post a favorite story I've been meaning to write...

Matt and I had been studying together for several hours. Whenever we study together, if one of us is more focused than the other (try and guess which is which!), the less distracted studier tends to get just a little bit snippy. So if I (whoops, I gave it away) ask seemingly unrelated-to-the-huge-test-we-have-tomorrow questions, I occasionally get snippy answers.

So we're listening to music as we study and a Jack Johnson song comes on. I half-listen to the lyrics and notice that it is touting the benefits of sharing. Hmm.
Me: "Wait, is this Jack Johnson?"
Matt: "Yes..."
Me: "Is he singing about SHARING? Wait, did he do a CD for kids or something??"
Matt: (HUGE sigh) "It's not a CD FOR KIDS, Emily. It's from the CURIOUS GEORGE SOUNDTRACK."
(pause)
"And besides, we ALL need to learn about sharing, OK??!"

Mm. So true. So, Matt, thank you for sharing your Econ book, lots of tea, wisdom, and ridiculous amounts of patience and encouragement with me over the last two years. I love you! Happy Birthday!!

*10 days til take-off... c.r.a.z.y

Dear Matt,

Thank you!! for...

Driving 1,600 miles to pick me up from my first year of college...



Letting me live in your house...




Being willing to go on a million crazy adventures (many of them involving driving long distances with hyper teenagers late at night)...



Giving twelve years of your life (so far) to doing whatever it takes to help teenagers feel safe and know God's love...


Providing, along with your amazing wife, a wonderful example of loving and Christ-centered marriage and parenting...


And also...
thank you for baptizing me.
I don't have a picture of that, which I wish I did.
But I asked you to do it and it was so meaningful to me that you did...
because you have encouraged me to grow in my relationship with God and in life more than I could ever say.
And because I'd be so happy if I grow to be someone who loves God and others with half as much passion, service, honesty and depth as you do.



I have learned so much from and am unspeakably grateful for you.

Happy Birthday!!!!!

I Am Disproportionately Excited About My New Brown and Pink Chacos