Fall in Wheaton...

So Developmental Psych got cancelled on Friday...

"A photo shoot? Now?"

"Gosh, Em, I don't know..."

But who can resist leaves like these?

On a campus like this?

Not us.

Oh, snap...

Retaliation.

It was a great afternoon.

I really like my friends.

Personally...

...I think this photo should be on the front of the Wheaton catalog.

But maybe I'm biased.

My friends are cute.

Text from me: "God still has a plan for my life even if I fail this test, right?"

Chet: "A really big one." (mm, yay!)

Laura: "Remember that worry jar... in the grand scheme of things, it's nothing!" (our suite's writing down different worries and stresses of the day and sticking them in a jar together, so that later we can go back and reread them and laugh at how the things we freaked out about all worked out fine in the end)

Christine Will: "Oh most definitely! I'm pretty sure your heavenly inheritance is secure :-)" (She once wrote her parents a joking email about how she hadn't done well on something and felt like a failure- she'd actually aced it. But her dad didn't know she was joking and wrote her this long passionate reply about how she is NOT a failure, and no matter her grades her inheritance is in heaven!! So it's now our suite quote for when one of us is stressed about school).

Christine Kirschner: "YES YES YES You can do it!!" (love that girl)

and this one made me laugh...

Heather: "I love u so much and I think u are so talented." Thanks, Roomie.

fall.

It's a lay under a tree and stare at the leaves, listen to Andrew Peterson, read Celtic Daily Prayer kind of day...

Why I Love Claudia + Wedding Fun

Three months ago today, one of my best friends and the most impactful people in my life got MARRIED!! Maria-Claudia Caltabiano de Pava Cortes became... Maria-Claudia Caltabiano de Pava Cortes SIEMENS (yay Brian!!).

I was introduced to Claudia at the end of my first week of high school. She was the cool college student assigned to lead our freshman Bible study. She was really pretty and spiritual and I was really intimidated.

That ended our first meeting, though, because she made it so clear that she was so excited to be leading our group. For the rest of my life, I will conduct my first meeting of any youth Bible study exactly like Claudia did (and I have, in fact, had this exact conversation with girls in Maryland and in Wheaton).

She told us that she was far from perfect and would definitely make mistakes, but that she loved God and wanted to help us know Him better in any way she could.

She told us that we were her priority. That she wanted to be a part of our lives, and she wanted us to be involved in hers. And she really, really meant it.

If she and her (cool, older, college friends) were having a party, we were invited. We slept over her house and painted each other's bedrooms and played Mafia and she came to our sports games and dance recitals. I had been a Christian for about a year at that point- chock full of scary questions about God, and the comfort I felt with her from our hanging out made her completely accessible on spiritual matters.

Spring retreat, freshman year

As our friendship deepened, she became not just a mentor, but one of my closest friends.

At my graduation party

At the beach with friends last summer

I was so blessed to see her relationship with Brian from its beginning (they were 18 and 19!) to their engagement and MARRIAGE. The three of us took a road trip to South Carolina to do a college visit my senior year and their chemistry of love-and-ridiculousness was so much fun to be around.

At the Outer Banks on senior week (no, that's not beer in Bri's cup)

Husband and wife at last!

She is honest and wise, able to love people deeply through utter stupidity while never being afraid to inform them of how utterly stupid they're being. She is humble, quick to admit areas where she needs to grow and quick to praise God for His goodness and power. She encourages, nurtures, and cares for all who come into her path, from crazy co-workers, to special-needs friends, to our group of girls (who engaged in every variety of drama known to man over the four years she led us), to, now, her lucky husband.

I'm so honored she asked me to stand in her wedding, and I love them both!!

 Waiting for his bride

 Brian and Matty

Claudia and Mary Wolf!

The bridesmaids. We had fun.

The crazy wedding party. There's an unfortunate story to this one. Let's just say I think these particular photographers (who go to our church and are good friends) may start asking brides if Emily Goldberg is in their wedding party before they agree to take the job...

Me and the beautiful bride!

Oh, days...

I was not a happy camper this morning. I've been low on sleep all week and it's coming to a head of oversensitivity and quick-crashingness, I was feeling a little stressed about some stuff, and then I went to take my Behavioral Neuroscience exam and it was horrible.

I handed the exam to the TA, (after I asked her, since she grades the multiple choice, to please not judge me), started to head for breakfast, realized I forgot my ID card to get me in, and promptly started crying. (Because what else is there to do in such a situation, right?)

So...

I marched to Starbucks, bought myself a GRANDE Pumpkin Spice Frappaccino, AND an overpriced Pumpkin-Creamcheese Muffin, AND a BANANA, which I normally NEVER buy at Starbucks even though I always want one because I am morally opposed to paying 90 cents for something I get for free at Saga.

But desperate mornings call for desperate measures.

And then I sat at a big table in the corner and read Little Women and wrote cards for almost two hours and refused to feel guilty about any of those decisions. And it was kind of awesome.

Tons of other redeeming factors in the day...

Dr. Barwegen left me a voicemail early this morning and I hadn't gotten a chance to listen to it yet... "Hi Emily, this is Dr. Barwegen! I just wanted to call you to tell you that I'm praying for you!" Umm... oookay, thanks ridiculous encouraging woman. I started cracking up when I heard it because OF COURSE Jesus would ruin my pity party in the perfect way. Oooof course.

It was GOR-GEOUS today, 75 degrees and sunny and all the leaves were autumny and beautiful.

The Starby's barista looked really worried when I ordered, probably because I was like half-sniffly still (And probably because when I ordered the frap I was like, "Make it GRANDE! Go big or go HOME, right?!"). And when I ordered the banana he went in the back to make sure I got a fresh one cause the ones at the counter were sorta gross. Little things, man, little things.

There was a cute young family there; the pretty, pregnant mom was inside with the three-year-old-ish boy laughing as the dad mimed walking down stairs and riding in an elevator outside the big plate-glass window.

And Cat Stevens was playing.

And I have amazing friends who email me encouraging prayer messages and text me reminders that: "Don't feel bad about having a bad day. You're allowed."

And my next class was Advanced Statistics which is almost all people who also took that test. And they were all talking about how hard it was and one of them cried too and someone else apologized to the TA (we are such ridiculous Wheaton people-pleasing overachievers...). And our poor Stats prof looked really horrified and when he was reviewing for our Take-Home test he got all worried and was like "Um, I really hope this doesn't make any of you cry...". I love Wheaton profs.

The morning coffee-novel therapy cheered me up immensely, and one good convo with Christine and a great dinner with the boys and I was set. My high school girls came over tonight and we made apple cinnamon pancakes and cuddled and they are basically gorgeous.

And honestly sometimes I just need to have weepy mornings like that.

And also I like sweet gchatting-from-MEXICO (oh how i miss her) friends like these:

claire: BAHAHHAHAHA EMILY

claire: ok

1. that class sounds impossible my head hurts trying to think of what the name means

2. i love you

3. i dont have much of a list but that story is just sad and great at the same time

claire: ...do you carry little women around with you always in case of emergency?

(it is a pretty sweet cure-all... as are all of these.)

EDIT:

from a message she left while i was away:

claire: :) i just love when the right things happen ya know?

yep. i do. i am lucky.

"Your life's vocation isn't as much what you do as it is whom you serve."

Oh, crap. That pretty much puts the whole worrying-about-what-to-do-with-my-degree in perspective, doesn't it?

"...each of us is put on this earth to serve others, and your vocation is simply a matter of discerning whom you'll serve and how you'll serve them."

Honey Rock

...

Reason #898 My School Is Cooler Than Your School

College Union put on a carnival last night.

The Christian Feminists Club hosted a booth.

"Pin-the-Pants-or-Apron-on-the-Gender-Stereotype". Options included a 50s-style housewife, a girl wearing short-shorts, Martin Luther King Jr. (to represent a 'leader', and because "we didn't want the whole board to be white..."), a "sad businessman", and more.

My favorite part?

The prizes were Tootsie Rolls, Fruit Roll-ups, or rolls of TP.

Because they want to help people think about "roles".

I wouldn't say I'm a feminist, but oh how I love the people in that club.

Sassy and Sweet, That's Us

We are all in our pajamas. Christine is curled up reading in the living room. Heath is typing a paper at the kitchen table, and I'm making chocolate-chip cookies at the counter (no comments about our respective studying habits, ok?).

As I stir, all of a sudden Heather looks up from her laptop. "I really love living with you girls."

Deeply moved, I look up from my bowl, tenderly catch her eye, and place my hand over my heart. She makes the same motion and we nod together, knowing that we are so lucky. (Blog post begins to be written in my brain.)

Pause.

We both glance at Christine. She continues reading, engrossed and unaware of the Deep Love she is missing out on!

Heather clears her throat. "CHRISTINE!"

Christine looks up. "What?!"

"I said, I LOVE LIVING WITH YOU GIRLS!!"

"...Oh!" (pause) "Well... great!"

(pause)

"Oh, I mean, ME TOO!"

"It's okay, Christine, it's okay, God's teaching me through your rejection."

"Oh, well, that's good at least..."

Somehow we all ended up cuddling and praying. Laura even got out of bed to come join us. I like them.

My mother on Sarah Palin...

"If you were 17 and 5 months pregnant, I would just WAIT until I was forty-EIGHT to run for vice president!"

Thanks, Mom.

"...Who am I? This or the other?

Am I one person today and tomorrow another?

Am I both at once?

A hypocrite before others,

and before myself a contemptible woebegone weakling?

Or is something within me still like a beaten army

fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?

Who am I?

They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.

Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am thine!"

Bonhoeffer wrote that in a Nazi prison, from where he was eventually hanged for opposing Hitler.

I feel like quite a poser posting it from my autumn-decorated kitchen, in my apartment filled with roommates and love, on my campus filled with sunshine and laughter.

That said, I feel like he wrote it from my brain.

What 20 year old... slash human... can't identify with those questions? That frustration with knowing we are one person today and tomorrow another?

Thank You for the comfort that no matter how I feel, "whoever I am... I am Thine."

I LOVE USED BOOKS

The Wheaton Public Library has a huge used book sale every year...

Life Together, by Dietrich Bonhoeffer... $2

Out of Solitude, by Henri Nouwen... $2

Celebration of Discipline, by Richard Foster... $3

Orthodoxy, by G.K. Chesterton... 50 cents.

Heck. Yes.

Had SUCH an amazing weekend here. More on that later, hopefully...

"...So I went to God and He was all, 'Dude, you're forgiven.' And I was like 'SWEET. Awesome, hallelujah.'"

-Nic Babarskis

"Just to be with you, I'd do anything..."

"I am the Lord your God, 

who brought you out of Egypt 

to give you the land of Canaan

and to be your God."

Leviticus 25:38

Gifts in this day.

Christine leaving the apartment and absentmindedly pointing at things as she mentally checked them off her out-the-door list:

(Points at kitchen) "Breakfast," (points at backpack), "Books," (points at me) "Love you"...

Jeremiah praying that God would give us "wisdom and clarity" as we prepare for HNGR when he prayed over breakfast... which were the exact words I had prayed for in my quiet time half an hour before.

Beautiful and real and fun and encouraging email from Sarah.

Conversation with David as we walked to the Beamer Center:

Me: "Can you hold my stuff for one sec? My hair's falling out."

David: "Haha, I never have that problem."

Me: "Yeah, well, when you do it will be falling out of your HEAD, not a bobby pin."

(pause)

David: "Well... I get to pursue women."

(pause)

Me: "Yep, got me there."

Perfect weather, nothing to do for half an hour... laid spread-eagled in soft plush grass near the chapel and talked to God easily and was perfectly content.

Seeing Laura's face as she read the anniversary card from Andrew he had sneakily mailed to Christine. Going out to dinner to celebrate their anniversary!

...And then tonight, this really amazing thing happened.

Where somehow Christine and Heather and Laura and Chet and David and Matt and me all were in our apartment. And we made really good marshmallow brownies and played really loud music and had really laughter-filled conversations and took really goofy pictures and if it was allowed MIGHT HAVE had some really crazy dance parties.

I love each one of them so much. I love that they love each other. I love that we can all pretend to be doing homework for three hours but really just be laughing and enjoying each other.

Heather, after the guys left, told me she could tell I was so happy to have had a break from the ridiculous studying we've been doing. I certainly was in a good mood because of that and also probably on somewhat of a sugar high... 

but mostly.... 

there just really are few things that bring me more joy than to be with so many people I love in one place. I can't think of a night better than this one.

It was a beautiful day. I am lucky.

This is the kind of post I wasn't going to put on this blog...

But I can't resist:

from gchat:

Chet: you never know what a good provocative statement will do

Chet: try it, its fun

yes. chet mancini, ladies and gentlemen.

(read the comments on my last post if this doesn't make sense)

Reason #10,986 My Roommate Is Cuter Than Your Roommate

I fell asleep in Christine's bed this morning. When Heather got up Christine and Laura had already left for church and she couldn't find me- I wasn't in my bed, I wasn't on the couch where I'd fallen asleep the night before, and she peeked into Christine and Laura's room but with the light off she didn't see me. She finally texted Christine and was able to discover my position and wake me up.

"I've been looking for you for the last twenty minutes!"

"Really? Where'd you think I was?"

"I didn't know! You weren't in your bed, you weren't on the couch..."

She shook her head. 

"Girl, I just thought, goodness gracious, the Rapture must have come!"

Reason #897 My School Is Cooler Than Your School

Strobe-light dodgeball.

Who needs to drink to have fun?

Highly Recommended.

I would like to write a lovely post about things God is teaching me right now and how good He is. He is SOOOOOOOOO good, that is for sure. And He is also teaching me things, but I am not very good at learning them often. And for some reason haven't been in a good blog-writing mood about them... hopefully soon!

However, I have a beautiful mentor-and-amazing-friend named Mary W. (as to distinguish her from Mary G., aka Mayr, my bosom buddy who is also beautiful and amazing). She wrote a pretty-freaking-awesome post about Jesus and listening to Him today that I highly recommend you read. It's not too long but it is convicting and genuine. So go read it here! :-)

...

OK, this really was going to be a short post just recommending her post. But I can't really just drop the name "Mary W." without going on for awhile.

So, a little context...

I often find myself actively wishing that everyone got to have Mary W or someone exactly like her in their life. She is, quite simply, nothing short of incredible.

She has shared her life with me and invested ri-di-culous amounts of time, love, and prayer into mine since she was 19 and I was an awkward high school freshman. Now I am 20 (weird!) and she is 24 and she is still one of my best friends. 

She loves God with her whole self and lets Him work through her. She sees the good in everyone she meets and makes sure they know it. She tirelessly encourages, listens, prays, and shares wisdom with so much authenticity, humility, and enjoyment in others. She is one of the first people I learned how to be "not okay" around and her safety and support have strengthened me (and so many others) through our hardest times. She is beautiful in every sense of the word and has been more of a shaping influence in my life than almost anyone.

(Also, one time she bought us best friend key chains shaped like monkeys.)

I feel speechlessly lucky that I get to know her and have a friendship with her, and I wish that you could too (if you don't, which there are good odds you do if you are reading this blog!). But at least now you can read her wisdom.

This was taken when I was a junior... if you're wondering why she is smiling SO big it's because she and Wolf had started dating 2 days before!! (And then they left the next day for a CpR retreat and couldn't have a real conversation for three days. That's dedication.)

The night before their wedding! (Mary's husband is special, but we love him.)

Beautiful.

I need this reminder so often.

"Don't fret or worry.

Instead of worrying, pray.

Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.

Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down.

It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."

Philippians 4:6-7, The Message

"And there should be tea. And pie. And poetry."

-from an email from Sarah, to our small group.

Instructing us to meet (though she is still far, far away). Reminding of us of the ingredients the six of us have always shared.



I love those girls.





I miss this one.

And we are bold to pray.

Come I this night to the Father,

come I this night to the Son,

come I to the Holy Spirit powerful:

come I this night to God.

Come I this night with Christ,

come I with the Spirit of kindness.

Come I to Thee, Jesus.

Jesus, shelter me.

I will lie down and sleep.

I wake again,

because the Lord sustains me.

-from Thursday Compline, Celtic Daily Prayer

Some People Walk In The Rain...

"Some people walk in the rain... others just get wet."

I know a girl who has a magnet on her refrigerator with that phrase on it.

The other day it was raining hard. I love the rain 99% of the time, but as I peeked out of the Beamer Center doors, hoping in vain for break in the clouds, I was not excited. I was in a tank top and a thin cotton skirt and I was going to have to go all the way (a whopping three blocks) back to my apartment in the cold and wet.

Just as I was about to despairingly make a run for it, that magnet popped into my head. Did I want to get wet, or did I want to walk in the rain? It was unavoidable that I was going to get wet anyway, unless I felt like waiting in the student center for the rest of the night, so I might as well have fun with it, right?

I didn't make a run for it. I strolled leisurely back to Terrace, and I laughed out loud at the feel of the drops on my skin. The sidewalks were filled with puddles and I'm not even gonna lie... I totally jumped in all of them. Really hard. My skirt was soaked to mid-thigh just from the splash. Sweet.

I was going to have to get wet, but instead I got to take a walk in the rain, because a phrase from Mary's fridge jumped into my head at just the right time.

That girl's taught me a lot about walking in the rain. About being playful and present in every single day. About standing in awe at the art with which our God has painted the world. About noticing and celebrating the unique plan He has for each person He has put on this planet and in my path.

Throughout high school...

throughout college...

without ever realizing she was doing it, she has taught me (and so many others)...

that we can go to school, or we can form community;

we can meet our classmates, or we can reach out to them with genuine interest;

we can live with their families, or we can work to understand them;

we can experience disappointment and grow bitter, or we can feel our pain, pour it out to God and let Him meet us in it (and become more beautiful for the experience);

we can participate in a small group, or we can add safety and positivity to a room full of very different girls;

we can talk to people, or we can empower every (every, every, EVERY) person with whom we interact with the knowledge that God loves them, has a plan for them, that they are worthy of being loved and have much to offer and are cherished.

Some people smile, and others change the atmosphere of a room.

Our friendship has taught me that we can just have graduation parties, or we can (smirk) invite everyone we've ever known into my kitchen and excitedly introduce them all to each other while the rest of the neighborhood tries in vain to find parking...

Some people visit their best friends at college, while others manage to form ridiculous bonds with their roommates and make their professors laugh and otherwise own the campus of Wheaton College in three days.

We can feel self-conscious, or we can laugh at ourselves (yes, we threw cake all over each other's faces... just like at a wedding).

Some people go on "missions trips", and others find- create- homes across the world by loving the people they meet. Some people teach us to love God by how hard they seek after Him themselves. Some people show us His humor, goodness, and grace by displaying such characteristics themselves.

And now...

some people go away to school.

And others sit by ponds, meet new people, take drawing classes, go sailing, and praise God.

I am so lucky to have you as a true bosom friend, Mary Elise Gottschalk.

oh hey conviction!

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues

but the parent of all others."

~Cicero, 106-43 B.C.

Image Control

Here's my big problem with this blog so far.

It's pretty. See the nice pretty background and the calming neutral color scheme? See how I only have FOUR entries so far, and they're short, and generally only have one theme each?

My old blog had acquired more of what I believe interior decorators call that "lived-in" feel (if, you know, a livejournal can be compared to a living room). It had some quotes over here, some long rambly attempting-to-have-deep-thoughts entries over here, a whole lot of I-just-don't-want-to-forget-this-so-I'm-blogging it moments that probably no one else ever read. It was purple. It was cozy. It was very decisively messy and Random.

So now I had started this new blog over here on bloglines. And I'm really liking it (did I mention the pretty background)? And I like how there aren't all those crazy, mismatched, unimportant posts that I sort of wish I hadn't even written because they detract from the real Meat of my Very Important and Deep Blog.

So I mentioned to some friends at lunch that I was thinking about keeping both blogs. "Two blogs? Why do you need TWO blogs?" Because, I explained, I could keep up my LJ for those passing thoughts, random moments, funny conversations that I don't want to forget but that don't necessarily really represent ME. The Me I would want to PRESENT to the world, you know, the Me who only blogs occasional, thoughtful, well-written and perhaps even inspiring posts. Because that's totally how I am 100% of the time.

I mean really, I continued, don't you think it makes sense to keep up one blog for the random entries that don't really matter, and another blog for... for...

And then Matt had to chime in. "...Image control?"

Crap.

So. Here's my blog. From now on it will probably be filled with rambling, randomness, unimportant details, external processing and run-on sentences.

But hey. Sometime authenticity's more important anyway.

I can't think of one thing I would rather waste my time on than sitting here with you

Lyrics to the song I got my blog name from:

I am long on staying, I am slow to leave
especially when it comes to you, my friend
you have taught me to slow down and to prop up my feet
it's the fine art of being who I am
and I can't figure out why you want me around,
I'm not the smartest person I have ever met
but somehow that doesn't matter
no, it never really mattered to you at all
And at the risk of wearing out my welcome
at the risk of self-discovery
I'll take every moment and every minute that you give me

And I can think of a time when families all lived together
four generations in one house
and the table was full of good food and friends and neighbors
that's not how we like it now
Because if you sit at home you're a loser,
couldn't you find anything better to do?
Well, no, I couldn't think of one thing
I would rather waste my time on than sitting here with you
And at the risk of wearing out my welcome
at the risk of self-discovery
I'll take every moment and every minute that you give me

I wish all the people I loved the most
could gather in one place
and know each other and love each other well
and I wish we could all go camping and lay beneath the stars
and have nothing to do and stories to tell
We'd sit around the campfire, and we'd make each other laugh
Remembering when
You're the first one I'm inviting,
always know that you're invited, my friend
And at the risk of wearing out my welcome
at the risk of self-discovery
I'll take every moment and every minute that you give me

("Every Minute", Sara Groves)

I'm grateful for perfect Tuesday dinners (on a Monday),

venting walks, met with love and acceptance, that end sprawled in the grass with laughter and comfortability,

Psalm 73,

interesting classes,

sweet surprise birthday parties with a sunflower cake and my favorite people (and which was only improved by the fact that I noticed everyone giggling half an hour before),

not having to work my life out,

peace,

and Heather having a hilarious fit of exasperation which has resulted in my bed finally having sheets on it for the first time since I got here (because who unpacks after 9 days?).