.for God Himself.

"...Contemplation is not an ultimate goal.

It is still only an experiential contact with God,

and we are not created for this experience,

nor for any thing, however sublime;

we are created for God Himself."

                                                                    -Sister Thelma Hall, Too Deep for Words

Newberg, on my way home from the grocery store,
1/23/14

Rural, small-town, Quaker church.

As a glimpse into life in mine,

here are a few excerpts from our statement explaining
"Some convictions about gathered worship"...

"...Silence is a practice and a value."

"...believing that God fills each moment, we don't rush from activity to activity..."

"...giving opportunity for all to express their giftedness."

"Know our goal is a non-hierarchical, egalitarian community."

"We want our community to teach one another, believing God can speak through anyone."

"Wrestle thoughtfully..."

"Remember that worship is richer when there are more people involved..."

"Encourage interaction..."

"...in each gathering [make] time set aside for silence..."

So here's what I learned last night

about attending the business meeting of such a church.

1) For the love of all that is good and holy: Bring knitting.

Wrestling thoughtfully,
not rushing from moment to moment,

creating space for participation from babies in arms to octogenarians in wheelchairs and everyone in between,

believing long periods of silent listening are an essential part of prayer,

and being willing to put a major decision off til next year if "all hearts are not clear"...

does not a brief meeting make.

2) Be ready to leave so very, very grateful

to be learning from and loving in

this thoughtful, honest, praying,

caring, trusting, faithful

community in which I somehow landed.

"The great spiritual battle begins- and never ends- with the reclaiming of our chosenness..."

"...Long before any human being saw us,

we are seen by God's loving eyes.

Long before anyone heard us cry or laugh,

we are heard by our God who is all ears for us.

Long before any person spoke to us in this world,

we are spoken to by the voice of eternal love.

Our preciousness, uniqueness, and individuality

are not given to us by those who meet us in clock-time-

our brief chronological existence-

but by the One who has chosen us

with an everlasting love,

a love that existed from all eternity

and will last through all eternity."

-Henri Nouwen,

in Life of the Beloved

This short and simple book rocked my spiritual life when I read it for the first time at 19,

and it is just what my heart needs right now.

Deepest rest occurs in deepest relationships.

My unanticipatedly long trip home (blessed snow practically doubled it- I almost cried for joy)

was so, so, so good.

It did something unexpectedly good and deep this year for my heart...

met me in ways I didn't know I was needing (but He did).

So very good

to be with the people I've known and loved and grown with forever*;

the family and friends who've known me longest,

and who for so many years have loved me so very hard and so very well.

(*And their babies. Who I suppose I haven't known as long, but I loved them so much from the second I knew they existed.)

Chris & Hannah.

I held this little-BIG boy at the hospital the day he was born, peeps.

And Hannah not long after.

It would freak me out that they are so old...

if seeing their personalities develop and getting to hang out with them

wasn't the most fun thing ever.

We had some fun re-taking a couple photos from the summer I lived with them, when they were 3 1/2 and almost 2.

2008

2013

2007?

2014

from summer 08:

"...Today I was on the computer in the living room and Amy, Christopher, and Hannah were eating lunch in the kitchen. I overhear this:

Amy: Christopher, what are you when you put your spoon in your nose like that?
Christopher (age 3 1/2): A... a WAL-rus!
Amy: Yup!

And then she calls to me, "Hey Em, by the way, did you teach them to sing, "I am the eggman, I am the walrus"?"

I totally did!! I'd forgotten but a couple weeks ago Christopher was putting his spoon up his nose and exclaiming about how he was a walrus. Like any good baby-sitter, I immediately taught them to sing "I am the eggman, I am the walrus" in a chorus. But then they went to the beach for a week and I hadn't thought about it since.

Me: Oh yeah, I did! Wait, did they say it again?
Amy: OMIGOSH. They've been fighting over who gets to be the eggman and who gets to be the walrus for a week!!
Me: SERIOUSLY??!!!!! Aahhhh!!! That makes me so excited!!!!!
(then I run into the kitchen to see if, in fact, they do remember the things I teach them and right on cue...)

Christopher: I AM THE WALRUS!!!
Hannah (20 months): No, IIIII the walrus!!!!
Christopher: I'M the walrus, Hannah, you are the eggman!
Hannah: III the egg-maaaan!!
Christopher: I am the walrus!
Hannah: I the egg-maaaan!!"

Here's one of me and baby Christopher in 2006...

I never re-took it with him, but looking through my photos from this break it made me laugh to realize I'd re-taken it with Lyla!!